The fake dumb Country Music Awards celebrate the best in worst music, but still get decent viewership thanks to the fact that most people have no class or taste. Lately the CMAs have also provided an opportunity for mainstream A-listers to pretend that they know who Toby Keith is in order to get their award show hoing fix during a slow November. But more importantly, this is one of the few times that the hill people who shot to country stardom in the 1990’s and 2000’s can remind audiences that they’re not dead. Only so many times Amy Grant can put the Christ in a Christmas CD. She actually really might be dead at this point. All of this brings us to the old plow horse herself, Faith Hill, who dangled her desparate old lady leg in front of audiences while performing alongside husband Tim McGraw during last night’s ceremony in Nashville. The Internet is lactacing, which just means it’s due time for another celeb nude photo leak.
The overt shameless slutiness of the pose Hill struck in her hooker dress signaled the go-ahead for right and left-leaning Internet users alike to sexualize the crap out of her, and while some are just proud of the seventy-five-year-old for not breaking any bones in those heels, others are commenting that they would bend her over a rusty radiator on the front yard of an abandoned Airstream and go to town. But it’s okay. Because she wants it.
If Hill’s pose brings to mind a certain other desperate old lady leg, you’re one step ahead of the Internet, because everyone is comparing her weirdly blue gam to Angelina Jolie’s as seen during the 2012 Oscars. Like cutting down a tree and counting the rings, you can tell at what point of decay a woman’s body is at by which parts she show off. Legs are the last thing to go, and then you die. And since I’m already in the spirit of Christmas, I’ll spend some of my Getty downloads on Hill. Merry Christmas you shameless old bag.
Photo Credit: Getty Images