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Help, Fletcher Cox Is Banging My Wife

A man in the saddest state of affairs is suing Philadelphia Eagles defensive tackle, Fletcher Cox, for banging his wife and making her no longer love him. You may recall from past equally humiliating cases that there's a law in multiple Southern states allowing for married persons to civilly sue an outsider who has an affair with their spouse, resulting in "alienation of affection".

You may recall a dude recently sued R. Kelly under this same provision after Kelly convinced his wife she had musical talent that could only be unleashed by R. Kelly giving her chlamydia. There's really no point in filing these cases against anyone who isn't rich and famous as your odds of settlement cash quickly fade to zilch. You couldn't even find an attorney to take you up on contingency if the gas station attendant is jack hammering your bride and making her pack her bags.

Self-admitted cuckold, Joshua Jeffords, produced texts between Fletcher Cox and his wife wherein Cox gracefully explains how he wants to bang a baby into Mrs. Jeffords and promises he won't leave her a single mom. This textual intercourse included Cox sending a Fully Monty of his reproductive equipment, and a confirmation the two previously had done the nasty. Jeffords wife appears to be a bar tender in North Carolina which might explain how she met Cox.

Jeffords is suing Cox for $25,000, which is either some kind of statutory limit, or his wife wasn't that amazing in the first place. Jeffords claims that his wife is no longer speaking to him, and worst of all, has blocked him on Instagram. The most vicious kind of alienation in 2017.

It's possible Jeffords knew his wife was the get-around type and he's sneaking in a good shot at some sweet pocket change as he tells her goodbye. There's also the chance Jeffords is crying himself to sleep on the bed sheets she used to sleep on every night, imagining her with the 6'4"-300 pound brute. One tear filled deposition video ought to get that check cut but fast. For his part, assume Cox got his notch and has moved on past the wife. He's 26 and sending dick pics to bartenders he wants to plow. He's rolling through.

Photo credit: Getty Images

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