Maybe tomorrow we’ll do an Open Post musing the intersectionality of the #TimesUp movement and Jamie Dornan’s character Christian Grey only being able to ejaculate when he’s punching Dakota Johnson’s Anastasia Steele in blockbuster franchise Fifty Shades of Grey, but for today we’ll focus on the fact that Dornan thinks of Johnson as his sister while fake banging her on set. The duo are pimping the Valentine’s Day weekend release of Fifty Shades: Shut Up And Take It You Worthless Cum Dumpster, and while chatting it up on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Dornan stated:
This is going to sound bad, but it’s almost like brother-sister. Because I am married and she’s had quite a lot of relationships in the time that we’ve known each other, so that’s happening in our own lives. You just sort of have this mutual love and respect for each other.
The overweight Midwestern single moms simmering in clam juice everytime they watch Fifty Shades are obviously messed up, so it wouldn’t be surprised if market research shows they all want to fuck their brothers, and Dornan was simply reading off of a script. A brother who hits you while raping you with Ben Wa balls. Mmm. MMM. Delicious. Rite ladies. Under contractual obligation, Dornan also teases drenched fans by discussing the size of his huge penis and testicles on Jimmy Kimmel Live. A brother who hits you while raping you with Ben Wa balls who also has a huge penis and testicles. MMMM. Yes yes yes. On his on-set penis pouch:
I wear a wee-bag. Well, that’s an expression from where I’m from—a wee-bag. But it doesn’t mean it’s actually wee in size. I wear quite a big bag! I wear this huge travel bag and stuff everything in there.
MMMMMM yeah drag your musty duffel bag across my unwilling trash whore face brother. But guys seriously, we need to end violence against women at the hands of powerful men.
Photo Credit: Universal Pictures / Pacific Coast News