Any man who has ever gotten a blow out should never be trusted, and any man who suddenly makes Jared Leto’s fashion choices look age-appropriate and not-douchebag-y should probably think about ending his own life. It’s time Justin. It’s time. Justin Timberlake is a known asshole in the industry and during his recent Super Bowl halftime performance proudly proclaimed to the world “I have no talent and am not entertaining or remotely interesting in any way.” And also “Dead Prince can suck my dick.” Which, he probably has.
Timberlake’s fashion reinvention coinciding with the release of his album Man of the Woods is a unique blend of Instagram lumberjack model and Burning Man attendee too afraid to actually do drugs, and who spent more time planning out his look than attending the actual event. For the thirty-seven-year-old Timberlake, this is as tragic as it gets, and again, signals that it’s probably time. It’s time Justin.
Last night Timberlake stepped out in London wearing an outfit so heinous and fucking stupid that it’s almost not even fun to make fun of. It seems to be a velour snap closure hoodie with a bustier-shaped element that accentuates Timberlake’s tits. Not to be too blunt, but Timberlake is a brain-dead opportunist who lucked out in being picked up by the right producers for his first couple solo albums. The new Timberlake sings lyrics like this actual one from his song Sauce – “Ooh, I love your pink, you like my purple” – and dresses like someone two decades younger than himself who got trapped in an Urban Outfitters for a week and did the best he could with what he had. The benefit of putting himself down will be that Timberlake won’t have to see a doctor for that purple penis.