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The original title of this post was going to be something like “Britney Spears Acting With A Capital Asshole,” referring to her boyfriend Sam Asghari, but upon further examination I have determined that this is true love and should be revered as such. This obvious Oscar bait short film starts with Spears and Asghari effortlessly walking towards the camera – effortless shoved into a bookcase or something – as Asghari states, also effortlessly:
You look so beautiful, and those… uh… shoes make you look really sexy.
But Spears has her eye on the prize and quickly responds, again, effortlessly:
Where are we eating?
To which Asghari answers:
Spears then runs out of the frame like a psychopath. Spears, no joke, probably isn’t allowed to have more than 1200 calories a day in order to stay fuckable for her handler’s bottom line, but it’s fun to think that she’s actually allowed to have a steak. Just like it’s fun to think she’s allowed unsupervised time with a phone.
Spears’ poor brain is so scrambled that she actually needs someone like Asghari in her life, so even though he, a former Z-list Instagram model, is reaping the benefits of dating a superstar, she gets a full-time caretaker who can fuck her and slap the steak out of her hands when she gets greedy. This is really a Mice and Men situation with Spears being Lennie and Asghari being the guy who bangs him. Or whatever. Love is in the air!
Photo Credit: Instagram