Whatever breast tissue Ariel Winter discarded into the red medical waste bag this chick’s parents purchased, packed, and stuffed into their little girl doll to make her more profitable. Now she’s starring in four to seventeen movies taking YouTube... READ MORE

Confirming Bella Thorne has fake tits is less disappointing than it is a cold confirmation of the popularity sciences. Ever since her parents Dominican Little League doctored her birth certificate so she could try out for Disney roles at... READ MORE

It’s hard to state the exact moment at which an annual countercultural event sells out. It’s usually a process. Inevitably marked by Paris Hilton showing up in expensive clothes made to look vintage. Coachella was a music thing until... READ MORE

The Thorne stage parents are still pretending their girls are Hispanic and in their teens. They hit pay dirt with the youngest, Bella. The older two chicks have long since been shuffled off to softcore private modeling. That doesn’t... READ MORE

Getting a tattoo isn’t a story. Getting a tattoo while showing off your tits and making fuck faces at eighteen, that’s a story. This chick may be the absolute perfect digital age star. Have you heard what she has... READ MORE

Bella Thorne is an actress in teen movies, I think. But all she really seems to do is take pictures of herself in bikinis and Spandex. Not that I’m complaining. I’d like to see if the rug matches the... READ MORE

Bella Thorne made the classic mistake of pissing off the anti-fur people. Islamic suicide bombers are less committed to their cause. Thorne posted this photo of herself in a fur coat she assured everybody was faux because she wanted... READ MORE

Bella Thorne may just be the perfect modern day celebrity. Her stage parents forged her birth certificate like a Dominican shortstop so her chest size would track well for her casting age. Thorne’s got herself booked into a a... READ MORE

The People’s Choice Awards is a real thing invented by the networks so that their crappy shows and celebrities could win awards before the Golden Globes and Oscars cut back to people who at least spend some effort trying... READ MORE

Commiserating with your fans about New Year’s workout resolutions? I love pretend. If Disney hadn’t set you up for life we might have seen those tits. God, your parents trained you well. You’ll bunk with me after the revolution.... READ MORE