Reporters feel obliged to ask actors about how they personally relate to the character in their current movie and actors feel obliged to make up some bullshit answer. Everybody has to pretend that making movies is not simply pretend.... READ MORE

I don’t want to show pictures of Sean Penn because his resting bitchy face gives me asthma. Here’s Charlize Theron. She’s the last great trick of this overbearing Svengali. Sean Penn’s movie The Gunman just tanked out of the... READ MORE

If Charlize Theron’s engagement can teach us anything, it’s that family isn’t bound by rigid construct. Sometimes it’s a roided out short guy, you, and the cute baby you bought at the Gaborone Duty Free because they were out of... READ MORE

Having to model and be Sean Penn’s woman is rather restrictive. That means you can’t eat and you can only speak when Sean hands you the Navajo talking stick. Half the time he just does it to deke you... READ MORE

We know the horrendous gender gap in pay with women making two cents on every man dollar. The guy working the counter at Wendy’s makes $8.50 an hour while his female counterpart earns eleven cents and gets spanked bare... READ MORE

SoulCycle is the sacred temple of Ra for the spiritually retarded celebrity community. It’s where the tomes of wisdom reside in the sweaty Lululemon crotches of the men and women who stationary cycle heavenward. The first rule of SoulCycle... READ MORE

Charlize Theron is about to become a widespread target for outrage and hate after she compared what us nosey shitheads on the Internet do to rape. A reporter for Sky News asked her what it’s like to know that... READ MORE

Charlize Theron seems to cover a different magazine every single month. I used to think it was part of her general publicity and promotional efforts. Now I realize it’s a signal to her friends and family that she’s Sean... READ MORE

When I close my eyes and imagine hell, I picture Lucifer cackling while Sean Penn insists on taking me as his date to a Chelsea Handler live performance. But for Charlize Theron, the world’s best looking woman with low... READ MORE

Satellite imagery diverted from the South Indian Ocean revealed work being done at Sean Penn’s angry Malibu home. Yes, even his home is angry. A safety fence was being installed around his pool and a trampoline was being constructed,... READ MORE