World Still Cares About Janet Jackson’s Nips As JT Secures SuperBowl Gig

October 25, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Imagine an entire crowd of people kneeling at halftime to protest the injustices of 2004’s NFL nipplegate. If you’re late to the party #JusticeForJanet is the in-trend.

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Janet Jackson, Newly Single Mom

April 10, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana are divorcing to celebrate the three month birthday of the child Jackson cooked up in her older lady womb. The split happened five minutes after Al Mana remembered he’s forty-two and owns every single foreign car and fast food outlet in the Middle East.

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Janet Jackson Pushing Two-Fifty

September 9, 2016 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Janet Jackson is in seclusion at 250 pounds, having put on a dangerous one-hundred since needlessly becoming pregnant at fifty. This according to OK! magazine. Don’t be confused with the exclamation point. Dramatic punctuation remains a lackluster substitute for real reporting.

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Janet Jackson Gets A Baby for her 50th

May 6, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Janet Jackson is having a baby at fifty. This defies the common wisdom that Joe Jackson long ago beat the reproductive systems out of his children leaving them falsetto and barren. A stage dad with a switch and a dream can’t overcome modern science.

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Janet Jackson Is Now a Billionaire Sort Of

May 24, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I guess Janet Jackson being a billionaire is a big story. Even though it’s not exactly true. Still she’s got herself a nice chunk of change and I think should finally seal the deal on the fact that beating your kids will absolutely make them more successful as adults. Doesn’t mean you have to bring […]

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Janet Jackson might have had a little work done

May 25, 2012 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

I don’t know who’s been doing plastic surgery on Janet Jackson, but it sure as hell isn’t any doctor. Her nose is a completely separate shade from the rest of her. One eye opens wider than the other. Her smile is, at best, sinister. This could have been a sexy outfit but the only thing […]

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