Snooki Got Married

December 2, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

While you weren’t caring, Snooki ornately married the first dude who didn’t ask to finish on her tits. He’s a good solid something or other who accepts the fact Snooki looks radically altered from when they first met. I can see dramatic plastic surgery having a positive effect on a relationship. Whether you’re married to […]

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Country Troll Is Getting Married, City Troll Comes to Visit

November 11, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Snooki already has some number of babies by some dude I thought she was already married to. I guess that never happened. With a new reality show for the mummified and brain dead, the production team has the nuptials keyed in for the season. Bachelorette parties for sliced-up former cast members of Jersey Shore always […]

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JWoww Wants None Sex

August 20, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You don’t get ahead in life without taking risks. Like JWoww declaring she won’t be having sex for at least a year with her boyfriend she forgot to marry before she just had his baby. If it’s not your physical resemblance to a well-worn inflatable sex puppet, the lack of sex and a crying baby […]

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Pregnancy Looks Delicious on JWoww

May 30, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m usually skeptical when people I’ve never heard of start making babies with people I don’t care about, but JWoww certainly seems to be bucking the trend. I admire a woman who takes a big risk of ruining the only thing we ever slightly cared about her so she can have a baby out of […]

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JWoww Announces Her Pregnancy By Tweeting Picture of Her Brain

December 27, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

J-Woww of Jersey Shore and nothing else ever fame announced on Twitter that she’s having a baby with some guy she previously announced on Twitter was her fiance. Someday we’ll do a historic look back at all the celebrity bastard baby announcements on Twitter and correlate them heavily to the current inpatient population at Promises […]

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J Woww Shows Off Her Good Side

July 9, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

J-Woww has really been pushing the envelope on her skill set of late. By that I mean, she’s now doing profile poses to show off her big fake boobs. It’s a bold move, into the unknown, but what true artist is ever satisfied with the safe and predictable? Also, her scars have healed. Here’s J-Woww […]

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J Woww Shows Off Her Cleavage

June 19, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I can’t remember what J-Woww does anymore except for show up to events and show off her tits. So I looked it up. Turns out she shows up for events and shows off her tits. Usually she has that little truck stop troll hanging alongside like a diseased monkey pet. Oh, yeah, there she is. […]

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2013 Logo Channel Awards Not All That Fabulous

April 16, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Contrary to popular opinion, hot girls aren’t swarming around gay men in Hollywood. Closeted gay actors, for sure. They’ve got supermodels hanging on their arms and telling tales of insatiable hetero appetites. But an openly gay channel like Logo holds their big awards show and, meh, not much talent. J-Woww showed up and flashed her […]

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