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Katie Holmes Ass Cheeks in Directorial Debut

August 12, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

If you’ve been waiting for Katie Holmes to direct a movie about a desperate single mom, insightful tranny waitresses swapped into the traditional role of magical Negroes, and the fleecing of the working class in the subprime mortgage crisis... READ MORE

Tom Cruise Is Missing And Shit Around The Web

April 7, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Reports coming out of dead-eyed Katie Holmes’ camp claim that demented dwarf Tom Cruise hasn’t seen his daughter Suri in over a year. Since he owns his own plane, a couple helicopters, and four rickshaw boys from the Canton... READ MORE

Jamie Foxx Stops the Games

March 19, 2015 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

If your buddy ever tells you he sucked a dick that one time in college he’s either a liar or bad at it. People rarely change. Dudes buy Harleys because there’s a chick out there with a go to fetish... READ MORE

Jamie Foxx Porking Katie Holmes And Shit Around The Web

March 18, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Rumors are flying that Jamie Foxx has been slipping it to Katie Holmes. It makes sense. Short and troubled might just be her type. Foxx has an Oscar so he probably gets the ass. I think that’s Hollywood law.... READ MORE

Katie Holmes Has No Regrets

August 7, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Its the classic growing up story where a young lady gets pregnant by Kris Klein from American Pie and immediately marries a weird older guy with dark hair and a huge jaw so as to avoid any Blanket Jackson... READ MORE

Remember When We All Got Together to Not Photograph Kids?

June 24, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I have pretty much every Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell high minded missive tattooed on my sleeve of awesome celebrity insights. I remember at the beginning of this year when the two headed vegan Bell-Shepard hydra bitch announced a... READ MORE

Suri Cruise Needs a Spanking

April 5, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I like to think of myself as a parent to all the world’s children. Kind of like Willy Wonka or Hillary Clinton or a very ambitious androgynous authoritarian, so either of those two previously mentioned. I understand that Tom... READ MORE

Katie Holmes in a Bikini Top Monitoring Suri

January 3, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Being Suri’s caretaker can be no simple task. Like the drastically underpaid job of Mrs. Blaylock ensuring that Damien is not hindered in his devilish prophecy. Somebody needs to cater to her every whim and want lest she unleash... READ MORE

Katie Holmes Got Scientology Stomach

January 1, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I guess all those years with Tom listening to his tortured lectures on why copulation between a man and woman was not meant to take place in this Fourth Galactic Cycle took its toll on Katie Holmes. Just look... READ MORE

Suri Cruise Bugs the Shit Out of Her Mom at Work

August 26, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Suri Cruise melted down on the set of the film Miss Meadows where Katie Holmes was shooting a wedding scene. Suri may just be seven, but she knows that every time her mom marries, another spawn of Xenu’s Intergalactic... READ MORE

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