Chrissy Teigen Money Shot

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Chrissy Teigen knows how to use Twitter properly. To celebrate her 200,000 Twitter follower, or just because she was knocking a few back once more and accidentally hit the send button, the harsh-tongued (mmm, harsh tongue) SI model took... READ MORE

Britney Spears’ Ass Is Dead to Me

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but Britney Spears’ ass went on vacation and it isn’t coming back. My dad did that once, though to be fair, he showed up thirteen years later. I doubt Britney’s ass is... READ MORE

Paulina Gretzky Is Good Luck

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Like most young, attractive girls these days, Paulina Gretzky is famous because she’s very attractive and her father is extremely wealthy. Her dad, of course, is NHL legend Wayne Gretzky, and the Great One is so proud of what... READ MORE

I Feel Bad for Kelly Osbourne

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

There’s no worse feeling than feeling bad for somebody else. This sympathy shit is meant for people with real human emotions, like people who cry when they see puppies or cut off their nads to prevent overpopulation. But even... READ MORE

Amanda Bynes Looks Different

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Amanda Bynes has been the 7-Up to Lindsay Lohan’s Sprite for the past year or so, except while Lindsay has tried desperately to convince people she can still act, Amanda just said, “Fuck it” and retired to a life... READ MORE

Snoop Dogg, Err, Snoop Lion, Tells Us Some Funny Shit (VIDEO)

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

I don’t have a strong desire to cozy up to celebrities. Most of them smell like Altoids and the quiet desperation of short people. But Snoop Dogg happens to be one of my idols. Where else but in America... READ MORE

Selena Gomez Is The Greatest

March 11, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

According to people who listen to really shitty pop music, that above video of Selena Gomez and girls that she makes out with in my brain is what some people call a “diss track”. The intended target of Selena’s... READ MORE

Why Do Celebrity Dudes Get Married?

March 9, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Demi Moore just filed for alimony support against Ashton Kutcher in their divorce proceedings. Since Demi Moore is worth a boatload of cash, take this legal move as a big fuck you to Ashton who cheated on Demi with... READ MORE

Lisa Rinna Turning 50 (or 37 on the Plastic Surgery Index)

March 9, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Has it really been twenty years since Lisa Rinna was on all those shows that I never watched? You couldn’t tell from looking at her that she’s turning 50 in a couple months. Even those brand new nipples on... READ MORE

Tit-Poured Liquor: Genius or Just Genius?

March 9, 2013 | crowd favorites | editor| 0 Comments

Fucking Germans, they invent all the good stuff first. Like the car, and the flame-thrower, and top shelf liquor bottled after being poured over the breasts of hot women and collected in glass basins beneath their bodies. It’s hard... READ MORE