Charlie Sheen Thinks That He Looks 28

By Travis September 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

After of a brief period of semi-normalcy, during which Charlie Sheen seemed to be the most grounded and sane person in his life (at least compared to Brooke Mueller), the actor jumped back on the porn wagon by allowing a new team of porn star “Angels” to move in with him. While Capri Anderson was nowhere to be seen, Charlie celebrated his upcoming 48th birthday with Celeste Star, Jana Jordan and Jayme “Motherfucking” Langford and then tweeted the above photo with the declaration that he looks 28.

Look, it’s hard to fault the guy who was brilliant enough to somehow turn the mostly unfunny and unoriginal Anger Management into a $150 million payday, but he looks 28 like Lindsay Lohan looks 27.

Ke$ha Doesn’t Look That Bad

By Travis September 02, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

For a girl who usually looks like she woke up in a hot dumpster filled with fresh diapers, Ke$ha looked pretty damn good before her performance at the 1 Oak Nightclub in Las Vegas last night. Then again, there’s a good chance that part of her act included her standing in the men’s bathroom with a sign around her neck that read, “Human urinal,” but it’s nice that she at least briefly looked like she wasn’t trying way too hard to be unique for once.

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/

Claire Danes Gets Plowed in New Homeland Season, What Does This Mean For Syria? (VIDEO)

By Lex September 02, 2013 @ 8:38 AM

I love my grandparents for winning a World War and procreating, but I got stuck at their place this weekend which means endless hours of cable network news. I just can’t see one more bad CGI rendering of boats firing cruise missiles and hitting targets in another one of those Middle Eastern countries where everything is rubble and decay before the bombs even hit. I get most of my national security knowledge from artificial, scripted, TV shows. The TV is how I learned about sex and how to build a bear trap, it’s good enough for keeping informed on the world. I dig Homeland. The Muslims are treacherous bastards and the Americans are weak lying sex addicts. That seems fair. Claire Danes almost ruins it with her nervous mouse head jarring about. But, based on this advanced look at the season three premiere at the end of the month, at least we get to see her get popped on a staircase. Oh, yeah, spoiler alert. Fuck you.

Jamie-Lynn Siegler Pops Out Another Dykstra

By Lex August 30, 2013 @ 4:20 PM

There’s no reason to assume just because somebody’s dad is a total shitbag weasel drug addict without a conscience that he will be too. Or that he carries those defective genes. In fact, I’m counting on the fact that shitbagness won’t be passed on in my own patriarchal lineage. Still, if I’m a chick (oh, that I were and had tons of toys) I might take a look at my dude’s dad before deciding he’s the ideal sperm donor for my progeny project. But, I know, yes, dear, you love him. Great. Jamie-Lynn Sigler, when your Lenny Dykstra grandson grows up to be 5’2″ and slapping you on the ass and stealing your shit, you’re going to wish you’d been knocked up by a guy with a boring dad who mows the lawn and whose credit report doesn’t read ‘Arrest on Sight’.

Eminem Calls Khloe the Ugly Kardashian in New Single

By Lex August 30, 2013 @ 3:16 PM

Talk about piling on. Just when Khloe Kardashian is pushed to the limit on her limited IQ saintly caring for her maybe or maybe not drug addicted husband, Eminem comes along and drops this verse in his new single, Berserk:

“They say that love is as powerful as cough syrup and Styrofoam. All I know is I fell asleep and woke up in that Monte Carlo with the ugly Kardashian.

I don’t know if Khloe should be more offended that Eminem is calling her ugly, or the fact that the entire world is just assuming he’s talking about Khloe when he says the ugly Kardashian. Maybe he’s talking about Rob, or one of the not fully formed babies Kris buried in the backyard when she used to cheat on her husband.

Yeah, but this verse later in the song:

Lamar O, sorry, we done both set the bar low.

Wow, now I’m starting to feel sorry for the stupid Kardashian. You know who I’m talking about.

Mrs. Ted Nugent Arrested For Taking Gun Into Airport

By Jack August 30, 2013 @ 2:32 PM

Ted Nugent’s wife Shemane, (yes, her name is fucking Shemane), was arrested after she brought a gun into an airport terminal in Dallas. Apparently, Mrs. Cat Scratch Fever forgot that you can’t take loaded weapons on or near an airplane. The Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport cops took her away and it’s unclear what happened after that. In Shemane’s defense, have you ever seen the part of town the Dallas airport is in? I wouldn’t be there after dark with anything less than an M-16. Also, I imagine it would be difficult to completely disarm in the Nugent family. Just keeping track of all the guns would be daunting. She must carry 7 guns in her purse alone. It’s unclear whether the Nuge was with her at the time, but I doubt it. He would have been picked up for trying to sneak his compound bow on disguised as a Barnes and Noble Nook.

Lamar Busted Trying to Escape Kardashian County

By Lex August 30, 2013 @ 1:45 PM

He might’ve been drinking or doing some other shit too. In general, not a good idea to be driving on the freeway under the speed limit in the middle of the night. Not when the Kardashians own that stretch of the 101 around Calabasas, their loyal deputies spread out across the byways to ensure nobody leaves, not alive. Lamar had his chance to run, he got weak. Now he’s done. There’s no basketball in his future. just Khloe’s big paw pressed over his nose and mouth sending Lamar to the same happy place she the kitty she accidentally sat on in the third grade.

Juliana Ninin Takes Her Clothes Off

By Lex August 30, 2013 @ 1:33 PM

Juliana Ninin Poses Topless For A Rooftop Photoshoot
I was innocently Googling Brazil and the World Cup 2014 and a couple related keyword searches here and there and out pops this Brazilian model Juliana Ninin with her clothes coming off. I don’t think she plays soccer. If you’re this good looking in Brazil, they keep you at least ten stories up for your own protection. Brazil is a beautiful place when you’re high enough the roving samba criminal gangs can’t reach you. None of this story sounds very believable, so fuck you, punish me by not looking at Juliana’s pictures. I dare you.