Gerard Butler Destroyed a Marriage

By author March 14, 2012 @ 12:15 PM

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Some addicts get to the point where nothing in life matters more than their next high. In the case of perpetual ass-slayer, Gerard Butler, noting could be further from the truth. Not only did he quickly squash that shit, but he was also able to simultaneously infiltrate through friendly deception and destroy a couple’s holy union. Radar reports:

Butler became involved with the actress last year and carried on an affair with her for several months. The hunky actor was actually friends with the woman and her husband before becoming sexually involved with her. “It was a very intense relationship. [She] had very strong feelings for Gerard, despite the fact that she was a newlywed at the time,

Normally, I would say “You clever bastard, you” and send him a congratulatory fruit basket, but the story also says that this chick previously ruined her first marriage by cheating with Dave Navarro, so we’re now back to waiting for Gerard to be institutionalized once again, only this time instead of painkillers, he’ll be battling what is most certainly a raging viral infection in his blood.

(Image Source = Getty)

Jessica Simpson Says She Weighs 170 Pounds

By author March 14, 2012 @ 11:30 AM

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Oh, and I forgot to mention that she can’t get enough dick right now either. Us Weekly has the disgusting quote. Ready to revisit breakfast?

I am definitely ‘feeling intimate,”” said the sassy Texan said — and how! “I’m kind of unstoppable right now. The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever!” Former NFL pro Johnson, 32, is definitely game, she added. “He’s always ready.

Great, so now we not only know that she loves sex and her fiance is constantly erect but she’s also terrible at lying math. In fairness to Jessica, those scales at the weigh station are constantly being damaged by the huge truck tires, so a recalibration is probably needed.

That’s not even the best part of the story. Ready for this?

I try to be like 110 pounds.

Yes, and I try to be a millionaire every time I buy a scratch-off ticket. Some things just aren’t meant to be. If I could make a suggestion, Jess? Just take your tray from the buffet when you’re done making your choices and toss it on the scale. You’ll get way closer.

(Image Source = Fame/Flynet)

Lindsay Lohan Hit Someone With Her Car and Fled. Again.

By author March 14, 2012 @ 10:00 AM

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Lindsay Lohan, shown above enjoying any type of attention she still gets before being unceremoniously removed from the spotlight with a little comb and special shampoo, has once again hit someone with her car and fled the scene. TMZ has the story of the “light tap” she gave a night club manager. With a moving vehicle:

Lindsay was in her new Porsche when she left the Sayers Club in Hollywood at just after midnight Wednesday. We’re told she was driving out of the parking lot when she was blocked by paparazzi and bystanders around the nearby Hookah Lounge. Lindsay made contact with the manager of the Hookah Lounge with her car and then peeled out.

Don’t worry, however, if you’re a fan of Lindsay and you think she won’t be able to slang her moneymakers around because this incident will likely violate her probation landing her in jail. HA! What happens next, as always, in the California penal system (Hollywood’s #1 Fan) is that Lindsay will sashay into court, feign concern, then share a smug grin with her scumbag attorney as she receives a slap on the wrist. I may be new to this site, but I understand celebrity justice.

(Image Source = Getty, Splash News)

Jennifer Lopez’s New Video Features Her Butt Prominently. You Don’t Say.

By author March 13, 2012 @ 4:30 PM

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Jennifer Lopez seems to be mainstay around here, so here she is in Acapulco yesterday shooting her new music video ‘Follow The Leader.’ If I had to guess (and of course I have to because I promise I’ll never listen to this awful mess), I’d say the song has something to do with being real or some type of feminine self-affirmation about being strong and/or independent. This is exactly the type of message that made pleather ass-pants and a midriff-baring club shirt practically the uniform of female empowerment. Maybe I’m being harsh, I mean, if this was inappropriate for a woman in her 40′s, she certainly wouldn’t have brought her son along with her, right? Oh, wait.

(Image Source = Splash News)

Russel Brand Threw a Guy’s Cell Phone

By author March 13, 2012 @ 3:30 PM

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Russell Brand, seen above with the terrifying glare that only an effeminate, British wheelchair-porn enthusiast could muster, apparently took it upon himself to accost a photographer and chuck his cell phone threw a window as proven by this blurry mess and this broken window. New Orleans Police would like a word this this cheeky git (God, British slang is absurd) regarding the incident, reports Radar Online:

The bizarre incident occurred at around 7 pm on Monday in the Warehouse District of the city, when a paparazzi photographer named Timothy Jackson was reportedly trying to take photos of the Arthur star on his iPhone; Russell became angry and snatched it out his hand and threw it through a nearby window.

Look, it’s not cool to go around stealing people’s shit and whipping said shit through innocent bystanding windows. We can all agree on that, but Russell Brand isn’t allowed to mainline crack anymore and his nutsack is forever constricted by skinny jeans. How’s a guy supposed to blow off steam? Anyway, he was probably just mad because his favorite footballer got hurt or his fish and chips got cold. I know very little about the English.

(Image Source = INFdaily)

Chris Brown’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Make Sense

By author March 13, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

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Chris Brown’s girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, made the news recently by engaging in a Twitter fight with Rihanna in which they both actually fight over urban America’s most beloved moonwalking woman-beater. In a new turn of events, and what I’m attributing solely to some sort of brain damage (See: being Chris Brown’s girlfriend, Results of), TMZ reports that Karrueche claims she is afraid of Rihanna’s crazy fans after receiving threatening tweets:

But several of Rihanna’s fans took the joke one step too far — unleashing an avalanche of violent threats on Karrueche … like “I hope Rihanna beat the dog shit outa yo ass!” … “Watch yo back” … and “I will kill you.

Yes, the terrifying fear in this situation comes from Rihanna’s illiterate teenage fans, not Chris Brown’s unpredictable toddleresque rage. Below are images of the happy couple in Chris’ car and what we should already start referring to as Exhibits A-J.

(Image Source = Pacific Coast News)

Minka Kelly’s Dog is on a Leash. Good, Just Checking.

By author March 13, 2012 @ 1:15 PM

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Now that I found a way to legitimize gazing into Minka Kelly’s ass in yoga pants, go ahead and gaze into Minka Kelly’s ass in yoga pants. Brendon would have wanted it this way.

(Image Source = Fame/Flynet)

Jon Hamm’s Got No Love For These

By author March 13, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

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Jon Hamm has joined the league of legitimate celebrities calling for the immediate death of all Kardashians which is no way a fictional group that I attempt to pray into existence daily. He did, however, say the exact same thing anyone with a functioning brain says about Kim. From ‘Elle UK’ via Huffpost Celebrity:

Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f**king idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.

To which Kim burned a valuable otherwise tit-filled tweet in response:

I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.

BAM! Suck on that, Jon Hamm! There’s no greater comeback than telling someone to watch their mouth when they basically call your life worthless. You could interpret it as her inability to come up with a response that would evoke a shred of intellect like “At least I don’t star in a show that glamorizes the subjugation of women and minorities,” but I’m sure she was just trying to be the better person and take the high road.

(Image Source = Getty)