Lena Dunham Mis-Fingers Rapist

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Here’s a grand revenge plot for someone you butted political heads with in college. Finger them as a guy who raped you in college in your hilariously real and ribald memoirs. I closed Lena Dunham’s autobiography after I got... READ MORE

Eva Longoria in A White String Bikini

December 9, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The sooner you teach your kids that smiling for the public then being a monster in private is the winning formula, the sooner you can assure they aren’t living in their football banner covered rooms at twenty-eight. If animals... READ MORE

Mark Wahlberg Wants To Be a Cop

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Mark Wahlberg wants to join the LAPD as a Reserve Officer, a program the LAPD invented so celebrities that fervently support gun control can have the right to carry personal firearms and make sure their bodyguards can do the... READ MORE

Superhero Movies Scraping The Bottom of the Tank

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Highly accessorized Game of Thrones actor Jason Mamoa has agreed to play Aquaman in a slate of four films starting in 2016. Since there was zero clamoring from anybody anywhere to make an Aquaman movie, it’s time to admit... READ MORE

NFL Players Getting Soft

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

For all the recent stories about NFL players being abusive hyper-masculine assholes, there are even more stories of professional athletes acting like heartbroken teen girls on social media. Joseph Fauria of the Detroit Lions has become the second football... READ MORE

Eaten Alive Guy Was Hardly Eaten

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Paul Rosolie is a self described Naturalist, a term meaning someone who likes to fuck with animals on camera because the pet shop gig didn’t pay so well. Rosolie’s Eaten Alive special on Discovery Sunday night was supposed to... READ MORE

Dr. Luke Sues Lawyer Who Is Suing Him

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Last week Lady Gaga went on Howard Stern, quickly ran out of amusing anecdotes and turned the conversation an an anonymous man in the music business who raped her when she was nineteen and just starting out. Mark Geragos... READ MORE

Alessandra Ambrosio Does Yoga Pretty Well

December 9, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

In a perfect world, attractive women who’ve fled Brazil to the safety of Brentwood would all be forced into yoga in the park to pay their fake Obama fines for not waiting in line for immigration. It would be... READ MORE

Protestors Piled Up Naked Again in Europe

December 9, 2014 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Spin the wheel of naked people covered in fake blood protests and see where it lands. Today was anti-fur in Barcelona. Several of the group’s leaders were actually wearing fur coats themselves, but just because it’s winter and nothing... READ MORE