Tilda Swinton Sleeps One Off

By Bill March 25, 2013 @ 11:50 AM

If you pay a hooker for anything, it’s sex. I don’t care if the dirty whore blows up condoms and twists them into circus animals, you’re still a Sodomite, If the Museum of Modern Art writes a check for an exhibit, it’s art. That includes actress Tilda Swinton sleeping in a glass box, as she did over the weekend in the museum in a snooze-fest of a provocative piece call ‘The Maybe’. It’s called ‘The Maybe’ because you never know when Tilda Swinton and her freaky looking bony self will be sleeping in a case in the middle of the museum. Maybe she’ll be there, maybe she won’t. Maybe you’ll have a fucking nightmare about the creepy she-Skeletor in the box. Maybe you won’t. It’d be easy to call it the stupidest fucking exhibit in the history or art, but I’d rather just call it precisely the kind of sophisticate droppings you get when you visit the Museum of Modern Art. You don’t walk into the donkey show in Tijuana and complain about bestiality. Don’t walk into the MOMA and complain about Tilda Swinton sleeping in a box. Yes, that is the perfect analogy.

Ford Pulled Its Ads That Joked About Killing The Kardashians

By Travis March 25, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

An ad company in India is neck-deep in the proverbial shit after it ran two ads for the Ford Figo that portrayed violence toward women. JWT India’s ads made fun of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and his love for adultery, as well as the one-time feud between Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Specifically, people were pissed over the ad images showing women tied up and gagged in the trunk of the cars with the slogans “Leave Your Worries Behind”.

Ford never actually approved or even saw the ads to begin with, but the automobile manufacturer nevertheless issued an apology.

“We deeply regret this incident and agree with our agency partners that it should have never happened. The posters are contrary to the standards of professionalism and decency within Ford and our agency partners. Together with our partners, we are reviewing approval and oversight processes to help ensure nothing like this ever happens again.” (Business Insiders)

It’s easy to see why women would be upset with that Berlusconi ad, because it’s a guy with three bound and gagged women in his trunk, so obviously that means men are disgusting brutes that kill women. “Why isn’t there an ad with men tied up in the trunk,” a girl in a flannel shirt probably yelled at her cat. But give me a break with the feigned outrage over the Kardashians ad.

The team at JWT India shouldn’t be fired because they made a cartoon that mocked the brutalization of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney. They should be fired because they’re too stupid to know that Paris Hilton is a cultural afterthought with a lazy eye and probably a prescription for Valtrex.

Read more >

Ke$ha Had A Busy Weekend

By Travis March 25, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Inexplicably popular music star Ke$ha had a pretty busy day on Saturday, as she was also one of the stars at the 2013 Kids Choice Awards. But she started her weekend off by turning the obnoxious down to 5 and attending the 2013 Genesis Awards Benefit Gala, where she was presented with the Wyler Award for her efforts to spread animal rights awareness, as opposed to her legs.

Ke$ha was honored along with Stephen Colbert, Brian Williams and Drew Barrymore and, as you can see above, she at least tried not to look like an asshole in showing her appreciation for the award.

“If you follow my music, you know I’m a bit of a jackass,” Kesha said. “But this is one part of my life I take really seriously. Helping animals has always been my goal.” (antiMUSIC)

As for the people at the Genesis Awards, they’re happy to have anyone in the entertainment industry share their cause, even if it is a woman who claims to have sex with ghosts while writing songs about her pussy with her mom.

“We are so grateful to the news and entertainment media for keeping animal protection issues firmly in their view in genres as diverse as comedy programming and documentaries. Concern for the welfare of animals has universal audience appeal, and since so much of what negatively impacts animals occurs out of sight, it’s important that these issues remain in the media spotlight,” said Beverly Kaskey, senior director of HSUS’ Hollywood Outreach program and exec producer of the Genesis Awards. (Variety)

It’s a lot of fun to make fun of Ke$ha. A lot. She’s an unapologetic Lady Gaga knockoff, and I’m pretty sure that her upcoming concert tour with Pitbull will lead to the gates of hell swinging wide open. But she has at least earned some cool points for her work with animals. You know, until she blows it all by performing a ping pong ball trick at a kids’ hospital.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Kids Are Incredibly Stupid

By Travis March 25, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

To be fair to children in general, a better headline might be “Award Shows Are Incredibly Stupid”, but since the Kids Choice Awards took place in Los Angeles on Saturday, we’ll stick to making fun of the little morons for now. Hosted by actor Josh Duhamel, who got the job after finishing third in a Timothy Olyphant lookalike contest, this year’s Kids Choice Awards honored a number of people who were willing to show up, including Katy Perry’s breasts and One Direction.

But the big winner of the night was Kristen Stewart, who was named Favorite Movie Actress for her breathtaking performance as a girl who looks confused in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Thank God It’s Over.

Sandra Bullock and Neil Patrick Harris were likewise drenched in the green goo while presenting the award for favorite movie actress. Winner Kristen Stewart, recognized for her role in “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2,” joined in by hugging Bullock, getting messy in the process. Stewart also won the prize for favorite female buttkicker for her role in “Snow White and the Huntsman.”

Other film winners included Johnny Depp, who attended but was not slimed, as favorite movie actor for “Dark Shadows.” Favorite movie went to “The Hunger Games,” with “Wreck-It Ralph” winning favorite animated movie. Favorite voice from an animated movie went to Adam Sandler for “Hotel Transylvania,” and Dwayne Johnson won favorite male buttkicker for “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island.” (L.A. Times)

Of course Johnny Depp didn’t get slimed. God forbid someone get some sticky goo on his bitchin’ leather bracelets. But it’s great that Depp’s performance in the PG-13 Dark Shadows was honored by children in 22 countries, as there wasn’t a middle school cafeteria that wasn’t buzzing over that movie last year. “Hey, did you see Dark Shadows,” the cool kids would ask, adding, “My bad, I forgot you were giving birth.”

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Selena Gomez Pulled a Rapper Train?

By Steve G. March 25, 2013 @ 7:00 AM

Last week Gucci Mane DROPPED Waka Flocka from his label – when he heard rumors that Waka had SMASHED actress Selena Gomez. And these rumors ain’t coming from just anybody. MediaTakeOut.com got its hands on TWEETS sent from BRICK SQUAD rapper/soldier Lil Skitzz. And according to Lil Skitzz not only did Waka SMASH . . . but he says that Brick SQUAD did a little CHOO CHOO with Justin’s ex.  - MediaTakeOut

Speechless. Absolutely speechless. I’m going to take this rumor with a big-ass grain of salt, but the internet has never steered me wrong before. Could it be? I’d like to say given the chance I’d jump on board the pound town express with my bro’s but I have the body of a young Chris Farley, am hesitantly confident I have a smaller penis than any of my friends, my ability to please a woman sexually is questionable at best, and I could deal with only one horribly unsatisfied person critiquing my technique at a time. Long story short, I couldn’t handle an audience. But, yeah, I’d drink a beer and watch.

Jesus, this story feels so dirty. Please let it be true.

Nicki Minaj Using Her Boobs to Get Ahead (VIDEO)

By Lex March 22, 2013 @ 3:43 PM

Nothing but respect for a girl who can use her knockers to make a living. A good living at that. All women have them, but only a few know how to milk them, as it were. In her latest obviously hatched publicity stunt to get more attention for her tits, Nicki Minaj staged a bikini peek of her bad boys while shooting her ‘High School’ music video featuring the sort of still alive Lil Wayne. How staged was the flash? Enough so that they censored the video on the spot with stars so you can’t really see her bare boobs. I guess I take back that part about nothing but respect.

Here’s Nicki also using her pasties-covered tits to make you watch her ‘Freaks’ music video. I’m sensing a theme…

How Bi-curious Is Your State?

By Jack March 22, 2013 @ 3:24 PM

OK Cupid, the free dating site that usually leads to chlamydia and shame, has compiled its data in a fascinating analysis of their users’ sexual proclivities. The most fascinating chart shows how bi-curious different parts of the U.S. and Canada are…or will admit, anyway. Not surprisingly, The Pacific Northwest and East Coast seem to spend a lot of their time wondering what man yogurt tastes like while the deep South ain’t into that kinda thing. Right. I spent most of my life down South and I can tell you that there are more closet cases there than anywhere else. Of course, Canada is fairly friggin’ bi. How could they not be? It’s so boring in the frozen North that you might as well “celebrate another man’s strength”. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Ashley Greene’s Condo Just Burned Down

By Lex March 22, 2013 @ 3:12 PM

Residents in the building who live near Ashley tell TMZ … Ashley’s brother and assistant had been going in and out of the condo all morning. One resident says she heard glass exploding in Ashley’s condo.

I guess I have a suspicious mind, but this sounds pretty suspicious to me, right before a fire takes out the whole place, including one of Ashley’s dogs. Which pisses me off, because I love dogs. Even the bitchy little yappers Ashley had. Dogs don’t deserve to die because of stupid people doing stupid things.

I don’t exactly know how I can help Ashley out. So here’s some hot photos of her to remind you that it’s easier to feel sorry when bad things happen to good looking people.