Barbara Walters Embracing Old Age with More Selling Out

You'd think you'd get to some age when you tell the world, fuck you, I'm shit tired of selling out. Barbara Walters had seven billion people to choose from for her insipid Most Fascinating Person of the Year honorific. She went with George Clooney's new wife, Amal Alamuddin. Between smuggling mortar rounds for Hamas in her YSL luggage and flashing her ring to the Obama kids and telling them maybe somebody they'll blow...read more

George Clooney Set to Marry The Hottie Jihadi

George Clooney is renting out everything in Venice above the waterline this weekend to marry human rights attorney Amal Alamuddin whom I suspect he will divorce quietly before I have a chance to spell her name correctly without Google. Amal has everything George could want in a woman. She's young, attractive, has a working vagina, and despises the opulent West while still attending its swank parties and wearing...read more

George Clooney Getting Good Mileage Out of Engagement

George Clooney always knows just the right moment to tell everybody why they're wrong and he's right. Usually it's just moments after he and Obama crossed streams peeing together in his vanity bathroom. Maybe some Senator was after Hollywood violence or some CEO made a statement that didn't acknowledge a woman's right to abort her kids up until they graduated high school. George would enter like a superhero with a...read more

George Clooney Didn't Hold Back On The Ring

Word on the street is that George Clooney's new fiancée, Amal Alamuddin, finally broke the man who would never get married again by playing hard to get, which must have made all of his ex-girlfriends slap their foreheads in regret, thinking about how they all spread wide on the first date. Naturally, the woman who was good enough to make the world's biggest bachelor finally give up on young models was going to be...read more

George Clooney Is Actually Engaged

Having long been one of Hollywood's leading authorities on how to point at any woman on the planet and instantly make her undress, it seems that George Clooney is finally doing the unthinkable and hanging up his bachelor pants. After the rumors that he kicked Stacy Keibler to the curb because she demanded marriage and a baby, Clooney has reportedly asked his British lawyer girlfriend, Amal Alamuddin, to marry him...read more