It’s pretty much impossible to ridicule Ashton Kutcher without sounding like a jealous prick. He’s nailing every hot actress in Hollywood, making supreme bank on a cakewalk TV show, and he doesn’t seem to be twisted on drugs or booze or any extreme mental lapses from reality. But, he’s got an ex-wife. Or soon to be. And he done fucked up big time while still in his never-ending divorce proceedings.
Ashton set up A-Grade [Investment Fund] with Oseary and Burkle in 2010, when he and Demi were still together, but he recently told her lawyers the fund had not made substantial money. In fact, he claimed he had only put about $1 million into it.
“Now it seems Ashton and Oseary were working towards a private offering based on a valuation of $100 million. Ashton owns 20 percent of the fund, under California law, Demi should be entitled to half of his share — $10 million. — PageSix of the N.Y. Post
And nobody would’ve known about it except that Ashton and his buddies had to brag at a recent TechCrunch conference about how it was booming. Crazy kid. He may have it pretty damn good, but ex-wives are the great equalizer. They will fell even the proudest oak.
While most of young Hollywood was still popping morning after pills from the VIP orgies at Coachella, Ashton Kutcher attended the Stagecoach Music Festival over the weekend, because country music is the new trucker hat. Kutcher (seen above with the NFL’s on-call pregame show, Zac Brown) was reportedly minding his own business, watching Dwight Yoakam from VIP when a female fan wanted to say hello, but things quickly got ugly when a security guard didn’t agree.
According to TMZ, as Kutcher greeted the fan, the guard shoved both of them and it resulted in a “violent melee”. Of course, the definition of a violent melee was just Kutcher and the guard shouting at each other and trying to fight while people kept them separated, before Kutcher finally left by his own will, but it had to be embellished to preserve his new redneck image. Otherwise, he married and divorced his mom for no reason.
LOUIS CK – has been witnessed peeping into windows and watching underage girls getting undressed, according to flyers posted in Huntington Beach. He’s not mentioned by name, so it may be a hoax or someone just used a picture that looked close enough, or maybe he really is doing it because how else are you supposed to watch underage girls take their clothes off? Most of them are so stuck-up they make a big deal out of everything. (huff post)
ASHTON KUTCHER – plays Ashton Kutcher in a parking garage in this first clip from the movie about Steve Jobs. It is not good. If I were the producer, I’d see if it was too late to dig Jobs up and work him around like a marionette. (mtv)
JJ ABRAMS – will direct ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’, the first Star Wars movie since Disney bought the rights for the franchise from George Lucas in October. So the first Star Wars movie with a chance of being good since ‘Empire Strikes Back’ in 1980. I just hope he doesn’t set the whole thing in space again. I mean we’ve already seen that like a million times. (la times)
KANYE WEST – went to the Martin Margiela show last night as part of Paris Fashion Week, but he should wear this outfit back in New York too. It’s a black guy with a ski mask cut by hand and pulling his coat closed as if he’s hiding something. What could possibly go wrong? (image source = fame/flynet)
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis went to a Thai massage parlor in LA last night, and while waiting for Mila to finish up, Ashton dug through her purse, took out her phone and started scrolling through it. Maybe for some harmless reason, maybe because he’s jealous and was spying on her. One thing for sure is that Mila Kunis looks like hell after massages. What did they do, throw her in the dryer?
The CEO and founder of PopChips posted a message last night apologizing to people who thought their ad with Ashton Kutcher playing an “Indian” character named Raj was racist, and then pulled Raj’s video from their youtube page.
“we received a lot feedback about the dating campaign parody we launched today and appreciate everyone who took the time to share their point of view.
our team worked hard to create a light-hearted parody featuring a variety of characters that was meant to provide a few laughs. we did not intend to offend anyone. i take full responsibility and apologize to anyone we offended.”
Well if the only intent was to be funny, then mission accomplished. Ashton Kutcher is the man of a thousand voices! And his Karl Lagerfeld character really takes a shot at the 80-year-old fashion designers whom I being led to believe are always on dating websites. Ashton Kutchers biting satire isn’t afraid to step on a few toes!