Ashton Kutcher Went Incognito to an Asian Massage Parlor But You Shouldn't Read Into it

The Daily Mail broke down twenty framesof Ashton Kutcher leaving an L.A. area strip mall Asian massage parlor like it was the Zapruder film in the Kennedy Assassination. They followed quickly with a declarative that many men go to massage parlors simply for a massage.... read more

Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Whatever

The inexplicably famous purveyors of awful shit Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis finally got married even though it was widely assumed they already are and people were waiting for them to get into a plane crash. Kunis dropped a nauseating quote which solidified the grey... read more

Mila Kunis Keeping the Douchebaby

The two things keeping us from being one of those countries where Hollywood women buy babies is premium cable and birth control. You can thank HBO and the earnest folks at Planned Parenthood with their low carbon footprint Hoover-9000 for helping this country to be... read more

Mila Kunis Won't Reveal Anything About The Douchebaby (VIDEO)

Mila Kunis knows the gender of the baby that she's currently expecting with Ashton Kutcher, and she also has a name picked out, but she won't reveal any of those details because it's none of our business or something. After all, her whole relationship with Ashton had... read more

Mila Kunis Hit Stagecoach With Her Good Old Boy

It was Ashton Kutcher's favorite time of year again, as the tech savvy terrible actor headed to Indio, California for the Stagecoach Country Music Festival, which covers up the stench left by Coachella's drug-abusing hipsters with even cheaper beer and chewing tobacco.... read more

Mila Kunis Is Pregnant With A Douchebaby

If she was trying to hide the fact that she is pregnant, then Mila Kunis did a pretty terrible job. Ashton Kutcher's future wife was reportedly spotted at a pre-natal yoga workout in Hollywood, and she obviously had the right reason for being there, unlike those of us... read more

Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Are Engaged

Confirming what everyone has known for what feels like years, or at least since he dumped his grandmother's bridge partner, Ashton Kutcher has reportedly finally put an engagement ring on Mila Kunis' finger. The co-stars of That 70s Show have been very visibly dating for... read more

Charlie Sheen Threatened Ashton Kutcher

Despite the fact that he's collecting paycheck after paycheck on his own terrible show, Charlie Sheen is apparently still pissed off and bitter that Two and a Half Men moved on without him. Meanwhile, most of us are still pissed off and bitter that it ever existed in the... read more

Ashton Kutcher Puts on His Smart Boy Glasses

There's no higher order of public debate than when a celebrity jumps on a social issue d'jour on the side of article headline populism. Ashton Kutcher may have dropped out of school to pursue male modeling, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know a thing or two about... read more

Ashton Kutcher And Mila Kunis Might Be Engaged

Now that his divorce from Demi Moore is almost complete, and the 50-year old actress is done actually taking part of his large fortune thanks to no pre-nup, Ashton Kutcher is free to take his relationship with Mila Kunis to the next level. Despite reports that Ashton and... read more

Demi Moore Won't Be Getting More Divorce Cash

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's unnatural marriage is finally over and Ashton will not have to support the old crone financially. The divorce has been in a nasty back and forth for a couple of years now. Demi wanted spousal support from Ashton because he cheated on her... read more

Kabbalah Founder Dies, Ashton Kutcher Seems Not Lost

Philip Berg, the founder of the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles passed away yesterday, drowned in a pile of money, as the prophecies foretold. For those not familiar, Kabbalah is the Jewish-rooted mystical religion famous actors and musicians join when they don't want the... read more