There’s no higher order of public debate than when a celebrity jumps on a social issue d’jour on the side of article headline populism. Ashton Kutcher may have dropped out of school to pursue male modeling, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know a thing or two about microeconomics and the business of mass retailing in relation to free labor market wages. They don’t just let any naif portray business genius Steve Jobs. Apparently, Ashton believes that trying to make the most possible money you can, like, say, $25 million for appearing on a sitcom, and trying to pay people you owe the least amount of money, like, say, spending two years in a heated battle to deny your ex-wife spousal support, is a right primarily reserved by the Constitution and the Creator for just Ashton himself. Not for Walmart and their hourly associates. Ashton bangs Mila Kunis and has a magical Kabbalah bracelet, while Walmart only creates products purchased willingly by 100 million, primarily cash-strapped people, per week. I do feel bad for the lethargic English language learning employees at Walmart only earning ten bucks an hour to provide puzzled expressions should you ever ask them where to find batteries or tampons or sweaters that might last three washes. If only they could get part-time gigs on sitcoms where the pay is $20,000/hour they too could afford organic produce and Teslas and smoking hot girlfriends. Walmart needs to stop being so evil. Stay on top of this, Brave Internet Warrior.
Now that his divorce from Demi Moore is almost complete, and the 50-year old actress is done actually taking part of his large fortune thanks to no pre-nup, Ashton Kutcher is free to take his relationship with Mila Kunis to the next level. Despite reports that Ashton and Mila were already secretly engaged, the Daily Mail claims that Ashton is now set to propose and make an honest woman out of his former That 70s Show star. And if his proposal will be anything like his acting career, it will be shallow, obnoxious, emotionless and totally void of any passion, reality and honesty. So best of luck to Ashton and Mila on this practice effort for their next marriages.
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Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s unnatural marriage is finally over and Ashton will not have to support the old crone financially. The divorce has been in a nasty back and forth for a couple of years now. Demi wanted spousal support from Ashton because he cheated on her and she hasn’t made a movie anybody cared about since 1992. The judge said that since they were married in California, which is a no fault state, he doesn’t have to pay shit. Furthermore she isn’t entitled to any of that Two and a Half Men fortune. Poor Demi. She made $90 million off of her divorce from Bruce Willis. I guess all she got out of this marriage was the dude from Punk’d slopping away on top of her while imagining he was inside Mila Kunis. I guess that’s still more than most women get.
Philip Berg, the founder of the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles passed away yesterday, drowned in a pile of money, as the prophecies foretold. For those not familiar, Kabbalah is the Jewish-rooted mystical religion famous actors and musicians join when they don’t want the hassle or commitment of Scientology. They still get to donate large amounts of cash to a questionable non-profit, but they don’t have to go on as many retreats or change their phone numbers of believe that a giant airplane landed on Earth millions of years ago containing intergalactic space prisoners. So, there’s that. Though the parking sucks.
Ashton Kutcher is one of the more devoted attendees of Kabbalah. He credits the ancient religion with guiding him through the process of fucking lots and lots of hot women in Hollywood.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
It’s pretty much impossible to ridicule Ashton Kutcher without sounding like a jealous prick. He’s nailing every hot actress in Hollywood, making supreme bank on a cakewalk TV show, and he doesn’t seem to be twisted on drugs or booze or any extreme mental lapses from reality. But, he’s got an ex-wife. Or soon to be. And he done fucked up big time while still in his never-ending divorce proceedings.
Ashton set up A-Grade [Investment Fund] with Oseary and Burkle in 2010, when he and Demi were still together, but he recently told her lawyers the fund had not made substantial money. In fact, he claimed he had only put about $1 million into it.
“Now it seems Ashton and Oseary were working towards a private offering based on a valuation of $100 million. Ashton owns 20 percent of the fund, under California law, Demi should be entitled to half of his share — $10 million. — PageSix of the N.Y. Post
And nobody would’ve known about it except that Ashton and his buddies had to brag at a recent TechCrunch conference about how it was booming. Crazy kid. He may have it pretty damn good, but ex-wives are the great equalizer. They will fell even the proudest oak.
While most of young Hollywood was still popping morning after pills from the VIP orgies at Coachella, Ashton Kutcher attended the Stagecoach Music Festival over the weekend, because country music is the new trucker hat. Kutcher (seen above with the NFL’s on-call pregame show, Zac Brown) was reportedly minding his own business, watching Dwight Yoakam from VIP when a female fan wanted to say hello, but things quickly got ugly when a security guard didn’t agree.
According to TMZ, as Kutcher greeted the fan, the guard shoved both of them and it resulted in a “violent melee”. Of course, the definition of a violent melee was just Kutcher and the guard shouting at each other and trying to fight while people kept them separated, before Kutcher finally left by his own will, but it had to be embellished to preserve his new redneck image. Otherwise, he married and divorced his mom for no reason.
(Photo Credit: Getty)