Barbara Walters Embracing Old Age with More Selling Out

By Lex December 15, 2014 @ 10:19 AM

Amal-Alamuddin-and-George-Clooney-leaving-Craigs
You’d think you’d get to some age when you tell the world, fuck you, I’m shit tired of selling out. Barbara Walters had seven billion people to choose from for her insipid Most Fascinating Person of the Year honorific. She went with George Clooney’s new wife, Amal Alamuddin. Between smuggling mortar rounds for Hamas in her YSL luggage and flashing her ring to the Obama kids and telling them maybe somebody they’ll blow their own movie star, Amal is a relatively interesting person. She probably fucks like a champ too. That’s a Clooney checklist bold and all caps line item. That makes her somewhat interesting. But most Fascinating Person in the World or just a big celebrity ratings get?

Babs shilled on her list with the likes of Taylor Swift, but Taylor Swift sold eighty-three billion albums last year, beating Iron Maiden’s Best Of fourth re-release by eighty-three billion units in sales. This makes Swift in the very least worth studying. Alamuddin married a hot dude with cash and talked shit about America and capitalism. That’s not fascinating, that’s every rich wife Obama donor in Brentwood. I had hope for Barbara when she approached eighty and announced she had fucked the extra-marital shit out of the first Black Senator back in the 70′s. Now that’s a story. Ebola workers, an uninspired pick by Time, but at least they do shit like cure Ebola. George Clooney’s wife is only going to bush it on your grave when you die, Babs. You could’ve reached higher.

Photo credit: Splash News

The Women of the View Like To Say Shit

By Lex February 04, 2014 @ 2:22 PM

Barbara Walters Attends Opening Night Of 'A Time To Kill' In New York
The cackling hens on The View tore into each other with various knuckle-headed and completely unfounded accusations on either side of the Woody Allen child diddling allegations. Barbara Walters kicked it off by asserting that Woody Allen couldn’t have molested his daughter Dylan because he’s so sweet with his new set of kids:

I have rarely seen a father as sensitive, as loving and as caring as Woody is and Soon-Yi to these two girls.

Open and shut case right there. Guys who seem like sweet dads can’t possibly be child molesters. Why, he’s not even wearing the officially designted ‘I’m A Total Child Molester’ T-shirt. Nice work-through, Babs.

There’s no way Jenny McCarthy is going to be left off the stupid train; she climbed aboard by insisting that Dylan Farrow must be telling the truth about her dad’s bad touches since she has nothing to gain by coming out with her tragic tale now. Except that she does. She even said so herself in her letter, timing her accusations to shame Hollywood for giving her father a Lifetime Achievement Award., Still, everyone has agreed that so long as Jenny isn’t blindly asserting shit that will kill a million more kids, it’s best just to smile and ignore her.

Sherri Shepherd took Barbara Walters unsupported assertion and flipped it 180-degrees to sound equally as stupid in the opposite direction:

We’ve heard so many cases of people going, ‘He was the most wonderful person in the world. I would have never thought he would’ve …

That’s right Sherri. If a person is a horrible dad, he’s obviously a molester. And if a guy seems to be a good dad, he’s just hiding the fact that he’s a child rapist. In short, all men are pedophiles. Sherri went on to insist that because Woody hooked up with Soon-Yi that means he likes them young, ergo, diddles babies. Doubly so since Soon-Yi was his own stepdaughter, even though, Soon-Yi she wasn’t his stepdaughter. Sherri doesn’t seem to be bound by the general debating rules of facts or evidence or modest levels of intelligence.

Sometimes I wonder how people can stand to watch a bunch of women sit around and talk stupidly for an hour. I mean, when they’re not really hot or naked or being chased by hungry wolves.

Photo Credit: WENN

naturally, Lindsay is skipping her Barbara Walters interview

By brendon November 09, 2012 @ 4:08 PM

hitler_feeding_baby_deer

To recap: Lindsay Lohan was banned from Chateau Marmont back in August because she owed them $46,000. She claimed the producers of her not-at-all anticipated ‘Liz and Dick’ movie were supposed to pay it, which was a lie, but they did agree to cover the bill if Lindsay would do an interview with Barbara Walters to promote the movie.

The interview was supposed to air next Friday, a week before the movie premiers on November 25th. This was all set up a month ago. All Lindsay has to do now is follow through on her word. Which can only mean one thing….

“She’s not doing the interview,” a source at Lifetime Television told the Daily News, referring follow-up questions to ABC News and Lohan’s new publicist at Rogers & Cowan.
The deal fell apart when producers made it clear Walters planned to ask about Lohan’s tumultuous personal life.

That’s really surprising, because the interesting thing about Lindsay is her basic cable movie, not her 7 year crime spree. That picture of Hitler feeding baby deer represents the kind of interview Lindsay wants. She wants someone to say, “hey Hitler, I hear you like feeding baby deer, that’s really interesting. I have no question.”

BARBARA WALTERS IS A F-ING LIAR

By brendon January 09, 2007 @ 10:01 AM

Rosie O'Donnell got into a shouting match yesterday with Barbara Walters – the executive producer of "the View" who hired O'Donnell for the show – fueled by O’Donnell's public war of words with Donald Trump.  Trump has said that Walters told him privately that she regrets hiring O'Donnell and wants to fire her.  The New York Post says:

The fight started around 8:30 a.m. when Walters, back from a two-week vacation, walked into the hair and makeup room at ABC studios and tried to hug O'Donnell … O’Donnell recoiled from Walters and yelled, "You kept me in the newspapers this whole time!"  Both "View" producer Bill Geddie and Walters tried to calm O'Donnell. Walters told her, "I did everything I could to squash the story" – prompting Rosie to scream,  "You didn't call me for 10 goddamn days, and you didn't tell me what you were going to say on television!" … Geddie jumped in and told her, "You've crossed the line." O'Donnell retorted, "Cameras are now outside of my house where my wife and kids are." She turned to Walters and said, "You went all around this and never called [Trump] a liar. You never said, 'Donald is lying.' You never called him a liar."   When Walters tried to defend herself, O'Donnell erupted, "Are you looking me in the face and denying you didn't tell him you didn't say this? You're a [bleeping] liar."

Aww, it's so cute when girls try to do stuff.  You would think they'd stick to things they're good at – like foxy boxing, jump rope or witchcraft – but sometimes they get all starry eyed and try to get jobs (*giggle* "look at me!  I'm a girl doctor!") but it always ends up in shouting matches over a boy.  Or tampons.  Everyone agrees that the best way to gauge a woman's worth is by looks, so I think the fault here should be split between Rosie and Barbara, because neither one is very pretty.  I also saw this study where they proved that flat chested girls steal.   I think it was at Harvard.