Coldplay Nabs Super Bowl Halftime

Gay Beethoven and the couple or three other guys he pretends are part ofColdplay will be headlining the Super Bowl halftime show in February 2016. While football demo skews heavily male, the halftime showreachesfifty million women cleaning up nacho crumbs while their... read more

Gwyneth Is Back on the Market And Shit Around The Web

Gwyneth Paltrow is officially divorced from her ex-husband Chris Martin. You can new age label this shit all you want, when a couple hens with tons of dough call it quits, there's a ton of legal work to get through. Also, less importantly, less died today. RIP True Love.... read more

Time to Save Africa Again With a Crappy Song (VIDEO)

Every five to ten years, Bono and Gay Beethoven and Bob Geldof and whoever's hot in the British pop music scene spend another few hours re-recording the exact same fucking song to cure the latest African hardship. It started thirty years ago with Band Aid's Do They Know... read more

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Chris Martin Uncouples from Jennifer Lawrence And Shit Around The Web

It's time to spin the roulette wheel of Chris Martin beards. I'm not suggesting that Chris Martin is gay, merely that a decade of having to beg Gwyneth Paltrow for a handshake and a compliment made him realize he had a low fence and it was time to hop over. Martin and... read more

Jennifer Lawrence's Boyfriend Is Gay Adjacent

Jennifer Lawrence offered up some heinous details of her relationship with Chris Martin in Vanity Fair, like how she mostly gets off on reality TV and farting these days: "Isn't boring so much better than passion?...I would just rather have somebody that has the same... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Tightens Leash

Gwyneth Paltrowstill has her husband pussy whipped even though he's getting hotter younger celebrity photo hacked pussy. Anonymous sources, who would have to be Paltrow's upstairs gimp given the intimate knowledge, claims Paltrow drew up a schedule for Chris Martin... read more

Holy Shit, Chris Martin Fed His Kids Fast Food

Knowing Gwyneth Paltrow's reputation as a holier than thou and better than everyone ego freak, who wouldn't dare eat anything that wasn't prepared by the purified hands of a virgin chef, the idea of Chris Martin letting their kids eat at a fast food restaurant is fucking... read more

Chris Martin Blames Himself, I Think

Chris Martin has decided to fall on the Unconscious Coupling sword and take the blame for the split between himself and his yoga succubus life partner. Chris did an interview with BBC One to promote his latest compendium of emotionally draining hits, Ghost Stories. The... read more

Chris Martin Swears He Didn't Cheat On Gwyneth

It seems like Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had a pretty open marriage, at least based on the way they were barely ever seen together, and there were constantly rumors that one was "cheating" on the other in public with equally famous people. And yet they still deny... read more

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Gwyneth Paltrow Struggled Quietly, In Between the Lies

According to numerous publicists posing as anonymous insiders for crappy gossip magazines, Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage to Gay Beethoven was on the rocks for years. Apparently, she didn't give a twang who he nailed on the side or the fact he never attended any of her fame... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Ends Her Perfect Marriage to Gay Beethoven

Remember the early days when Gwyneth and Chris were young and in love and almost making eye contact with one another without morbid frowns? Yeah, that pinnacle of raw romantic feeling is over now. Gwyneth Paltrow posted on GOOP with all the grace and elegance that only... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow respects adulterers

Gwyneth Paltrow has been married to Chris Martin for seven years, but during a press junket for 'Contagion' she told the Daily Mail he shouldn't hold his breath in regards to that whole fidelity thing. "I am a great romantic…" Who else is surprised that she started this... read more