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Coldplay Nabs Super Bowl Halftime

Gay Beethoven and the couple or three other guys he pretends are part ofColdplay will be headlining the Super Bowl halftime show in February 2016. While football demo skews heavily male, the halftime showreachesfifty million women cleaning up nacho crumbs while their knights in shining armor take monster shits in the back bathroom. The music industry pushes Katy Perry, Janet Jackson, Madonna, Bruno Mars and Coldplay...read more

Gwyneth Is Back on the Market And Shit Around The Web

Gwyneth Paltrow is officially divorced from her ex-husband Chris Martin. You can new age label this shit all you want, when a couple hens with tons of dough call it quits, there's a ton of legal work to get through. Also, less importantly, less died today. RIP True Love. Read all about the conscious uncoupling's finalization. (TMZ) Vanessa Hudgens shows off her boobage in New York City. (Egotastic) Stephen Colbert...read more

Time to Save Africa Again With a Crappy Song (VIDEO)

Every five to ten years, Bono and Gay Beethoven and Bob Geldof and whoever's hot in the British pop music scene spend another few hours re-recording the exact same fucking song to cure the latest African hardship. It started thirty years ago with Band Aid's Do They Know It's Christmas?, an ensemble recording designed to heal Ethiopia of being one super crappy place to live. Fifty million radio plays later, Ethiopia is...read more

Chris Martin Uncouples from Jennifer Lawrence And Shit Around The Web

It's time to spin the roulette wheel of Chris Martin beards. I'm not suggesting that Chris Martin is gay, merely that a decade of having to beg Gwyneth Paltrow for a handshake and a compliment made him realize he had a low fence and it was time to hop over. Martin and Lawrence are over, deal with your sad feelings through song (Dlisted) Duck Commander's son suffers hunting seizure, dad declares mouth to mouth gay (TMZ...read more

Jennifer Lawrence's Boyfriend Is Gay Adjacent

Jennifer Lawrence offered up some heinous details of her relationship with Chris Martin in Vanity Fair, like how she mostly gets off on reality TV and farting these days: "Isn't boring so much better than passion?...I would just rather have somebody that has the same taste in reality TV... [Someone who]you know, isn't afraid to fart in front of me [rather] than to have big, passionate love.I'd rather have just a...read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Tightens Leash

Gwyneth Paltrowstill has her husband pussy whipped even though he's getting hotter younger celebrity photo hacked pussy. Anonymous sources, who would have to be Paltrow's upstairs gimp given the intimate knowledge, claims Paltrow drew up a schedule for Chris Martin detailing when he is compelled to show up and mope around their former marital home. Paltrow wants to make sure her kids get plenty of normal family time...read more

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Holy Shit, Chris Martin Fed His Kids Fast Food

Knowing Gwyneth Paltrow's reputation as a holier than thou and better than everyone ego freak, who wouldn't dare eat anything that wasn't prepared by the purified hands of a virgin chef, the idea of Chris Martin letting their kids eat at a fast food restaurant is fucking wonderful. InTouch claims to have spotted the future ex-Mr. Paltrow letting his kids shovel "handfuls of fries into their mouths" at a Reddi Chick in...read more

Chris Martin Blames Himself, I Think

Chris Martin has decided to fall on the Unconscious Coupling sword and take the blame for the split between himself and his yoga succubus life partner. Chris did an interview with BBC One to promote his latest compendium of emotionally draining hits, Ghost Stories. The host mostly asked about Gwyneth and the divorce. So Chris spouted a bit of mindless mumbo jumbo about his personal failings then employed some non...read more

Chris Martin Swears He Didn't Cheat On Gwyneth

It seems like Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had a pretty open marriage, at least based on the way they were barely ever seen together, and there were constantly rumors that one was "cheating" on the other in public with equally famous people. And yet they still deny those rumors even after they've "uncoupled," as Page Six reported the other day that Martin had cheated on Paltrow in 2011 with a woman who was either...read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Struggled Quietly, In Between the Lies

According to numerous publicists posing as anonymous insiders for crappy gossip magazines, Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage to Gay Beethoven was on the rocks for years. Apparently, she didn't give a twang who he nailed on the side or the fact he never attended any of her fame whore sucking events, though she did frequently mock the food he ate and ridiculed he dressed. I understand why the Coldplay frontman wanted to anger...read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Ends Her Perfect Marriage to Gay Beethoven

Remember the early days when Gwyneth and Chris were young and in love and almost making eye contact with one another without morbid frowns? Yeah, that pinnacle of raw romantic feeling is over now. Gwyneth Paltrow posted on GOOP with all the grace and elegance that only she could muster that love was ending between her and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. She titled her post 'Conscious Uncoupling' just in case you...read more

Gwyneth Paltrow respects adulterers

Gwyneth Paltrow has been married to Chris Martin for seven years, but during a press junket for 'Contagion' she told the Daily Mail he shouldn't hold his breath in regards to that whole fidelity thing. "I am a great romantic…" Who else is surprised that she started this by paying herself a compliment? I know I sure was. "...but I also think you can be a romantic and a realist." romantic ro·man·tic (adj.) - Imaginative...read more

Lindsay has friends (up to a point)

When you're a famous actress, if someone like Coldplay has a concert, not only would you get "kick ass" seats, but you wouldn't even have to pay for them. They'd be a gift from the lead singer, because your friends with people like that. And then after the show, you'd go hang out with the band backstage and just chill with the other famous people. Because that's how cool you are. Lindsay Lohan on the other hand has to...read more

paltrow cant compete with kate bosworth

Kate Bosworth gets forgotten about, but she's terrific. She's sexy as hell, while at the same time, if she were any cuter she would technically be a panda in a cowboy hat. Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand is a mean old bitch who looks like a ghost you would see near a Civil War graveyard. Keeping these two indisputable facts in mind, it's no wonder that Paltrows husband is cheating on her with Bosworth. Star magazine...read more

CHRIS MARTIN IS A TOUGH GUY - UPDATE

"Coldplay" lead singer and husband of Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin assaulted a cameraman Monday in New York City, where Paltrow was hospitalized for unknown reasons. Martin threw the man to the ground and tried to steal his camera. All of which is amazing because Chris Martin looks like he would cry if a bee flew past his ear. But apparently not. I haven’t seen brutality like this since the Fight Like A Girl...read more