Monday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 08, 2010 @ 4:45 PM



CONAN O’BRIEN
– will host the premiere of his new TBS show tonight, and he says one thing to look for on the new show is him forgiving Andy Richter: “Because you know it was him that f—ed up. I was doing fine before he came back.” I also heard that Richter was the Beltway Sniper. (tbs, ew)

LILY ALLEN – suffered a miscarriage last week, and over the weekend she was hospitalized with a blood disease called septicemia, which “accounts for tens of thousands of fatalities per year.” Her life is so tragic all of a sudden, she’s like one of those women in the bible. (la times)

MICHAEL JACKSON - has a new record coming out in December, and the first single was released today. It’s a terrible, terrible song, but it’s Michael Jackson so they’re gonna sell it anyway. In 10 years they’re gonna dig him up, take his femur and play his ribs like a xylophone and call it ALL NEW MICHAEL JACKSON MUSIC!!! (mj.com)

Wednesday headlines

By brendon September 01, 2010 @ 1:17 PM

CONAN O’BRIEN – has named his new show. He should have just called it ‘the Tonight Show’. NBC would go all apeshit but our court system is so fuked up it would take 10 years to sort everything out, and even then there’s an excellent chance a jury would rule for Conan. Never underestimate the power of shitty thinking. (huff post)

HEIDI MONTAGS SEX TAPE – is not being released, and all negotiations to sell it to Vivid have stopped. Which sucks. I was really looking forward to the 90 seconds I was gonna spend scanning through it before turning it off and watching a real porn. (tmz)

MEL GIBSON – is still really popular. 76 percent of people in a recent poll from Vanity Fair and 60 Minutes said they are just as likely to see one of his movies now as they were before his scandals. He was less popular in a poll from 106 and Park however, where 100 percent of respondents voted for, “Fuck dat. Im’a kick dat mothafuckas teef out.” (cbs)

LINDSAY LOHAN – used to get in trouble because she went to bars every night. Bars like Chateau Marmont. Then she went to rehab for the fifth time. And now she goes to bars every night. Like last night. When she went to Chateau Marmont. This is starting to look like a “Ransom of Red Chief” kind of thing, where UCLA just wanted to get rid of her. (radar)

conan was nominated for an emmy. jay leno however…

By brendon July 08, 2010 @ 1:39 PM

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As everyone knows, NBC fired Conan O’Brien as host of the Tonight Show after just a few months and then gave the job back to Jay Leno. Essentially NBC pissed away 200 million dollars while making Leno look like an asshole, and then re-hired him.

His ratings have dropped every week since his return, and 3 weeks ago his ratings actually fell below Conans at a comparable point (more). The audience has now dropped from 5 million viewers last year to 4 million this year, the lowest ratings since 1992 (variety). For a more visual example, just picture Eric Claptons kid. That’s what Leno’s ratings look like.

But at least that’s all in the past and NBC doesn’t have to relive their mistake anymore. Wouldn’t you agree, Popeater?

‘The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien’ earned its first and only Emmy nomination this morning.
Conan will compete against ‘The Colbert Report,’ ‘The Daily Show,’ ‘Real Time With Bill Maher’ and ‘Saturday Night Live’ in the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series category.
‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ was not nominated, although NBC submitted Leno’s work, while O’Brien’s own people submitted his.

Granted this is no badge of honor for Conan either. Being nominated alongside SNL is nothing short of embarrassing. You could have more fun getting your dick caught in a zipper for 90 minutes.

leno has lower ratings than conan did

By brendon June 22, 2010 @ 12:18 PM

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When NBC fired Conan O’Brien, they said his numbers sucked and Letterman was beating him and they were losing money. So they replaced him with Jay Leno. The bad news is that Leno gets even lower numbers than Conan did. The badder news is that Lenos comeback numbers have dropped and now he doesn’t beat Letterman either. So if NBC’s plan was to piss away 200 million dollars on a complete clusterfuck, mission accomplished!

For the first week since Jay Leno’s Tonight Show return, he was tied by David Letterman’s Late Show, as both shows averaged a 0.9 adults 18-49 rating for the week of June 7-11. Coming off a week of repeats for both shows, Leno fell a tenth of a point and Letterman gained two tenths.

Conans biggest problem may have been that he started too great. His debut had 2.3 million viewers. Lenos comeback debut had 1.5. So when both settled in to a normal range (of a million or so), Conans drop was more dramatic. TV by the numbers has two charts, and the first shows Conan vs Leno in the same sequential weeks of their run as host, and it shows that Conan has had better numbers for a month now.

That put Leno’s Tonight Show two tenths of a ratings point below Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show, comparing the ratings for each show’s fifteenth week.
(Leno) was 0.6 ratings points below the same calendar week of Conan’s Tonight Show ratings last summer.

Sources say NBC executives are taking the news is stride, and by that I mean they’re hopelessly lost and confused. One of them tried to fuck a dog the other day.

NBC really loves lying about Conan

By brendon May 05, 2010 @ 6:17 PM

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Eight years ago, NBC posted a profit of 1.8 billion dollars, but since then it’s been run by bumbling retards who would be required to wear water wings and a football helmet at all time in most states, so this year they will lose over 600 million dollars (source).

As you can tell, they’re not very good with numbers. But if you needed more proof of that…

NBC is pissed at Conan O’Brien and claims he lied during his “60 Minutes” interview.
Network sources tell TMZ Conan was flat out wrong when he said NBC gave him the axe rather than Leno because Jay’s buyout would have been bigger. Sources say the buyouts for Conan and Jay were roughly the same.

For the record, Conan received a buyout worth 32.5 million. Lenos buyout was 150 million.

Now, I’m no mathamagician, and I apologize for all the times I implied I was (I just liked the attention), but I do know that 150 is more than 32. Almost 5 times more, some would say. I also know that NBC is out of their minds to guarantee Leno 150 million dollars. If that dullard is worth 150, if they ever found a guy wearing a silly hat who can wiggle his ears, they would turn the entire network over to him, no questions asked.

(notemy beloved diora baird runs a very cutely entertaining twitter page, and not simply because she’ll occasionally flash her amazing cleavage. you may be wondering what that has to do with conan o brien. well I may be wondering why you’re so gay. NOW who’s asking the questions!)

friday afternoon headlines

By brendon April 30, 2010 @ 6:15 PM

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CONAN O’BRIEN - has a big interview on ’60 Minutes’ this weekend, and one surprise is that he doesn’t feel NBC screwed him over. He says things just didn’t work out. Another surprise is when Steve Kroft shows pictures of Conan buying yellow cake uranium. Let’s see that drunk mick weasel his way out of this one. (full quotes)

BATMAN 3 - doesn’t have a name or a script or a cast, but it reportedly has a release date: July 20th, 2012. This seems like bullshit. There’s no way in hell the sequel to the 5th biggest movie of all time would be released at the end of July. Then again, these Hollywood exec’s seem to really know what they’re doing, so who am I to judge. (hollywood reporter)

DAISY DUKE 1 - was Catherine Bach, and today her husband was found dead of an apparent suicide. Or maybe this is one of Boss Hoggs tricks, like that time he rigged the Chili Cook Off. (radar)

DAISY DUKE 2 - was Jessica Simpson, and she was on ‘Ellen’ Wednesday in a top that flaunted the only positive to come from a girl piling on weight. They chatted for a minute and then Ellen brought out some picnic basket thing to give Jessica some gifts, but also so Ellen could hide her erection.

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