A.J. Clemente, the news anchor from North Dakota who was fired because he was terrible at his job, was on Letterman last night and Jesus, check out his mole. He tongued it a couple times and it looked like a gecko trying to drink dew from its eye. It was fascinating. AJ. I couldn’t take my eyes off that thing so I’m not sure what you said, but you’ll probably have your own show on E! all because you said F*@k and S%*t on the local news, so can’t be all bad. Now, how much to touch that thing?
Selena Gomez was on Letterman last night. The conversation inevitably turned to her relationship with Justin Bieber. That’s where she released the Latin heat she’s been hiding all this time.
“No I’m single,” said Gomez. “I’m so good.”
As the crowd applauded the 20-year-old “Spring Breakers” star, the host continued with a recount of the last time Bieber was on his show.
“He said something, and I said something, and I made him cry.”" said Letterman.
Gomez laughed before saying, “well then, that makes two of us.”
After hearing this, Bieber leaped off his highchair and grabbed several crisp 100 dollar bills to wipe away his tears. He then grabbed his binky and his keys, and hopped into one of his 500,000 dollar cars and rode off to one of his three mansions to be alone with his thoughts. He must be so bummed, how will he ever find solace?
You don’t have to like the guy, but he’s worth about 19 times more than Gomez and that’s where true happiness comes from. Expensive things. I’d give anything to get paid what he does to be an untalented asshole. Hell, I pretty much do it for free here everyday. But first point to Selena I guess.
Jennifer Lawrence was a guest on ‘the Late Show with David Letterman’ Tuesday, and while discussing the unflattering pictures the paparazzi sometimes take, Letterman held up a picture of her in a bikini while vacationing in Hawaii (the headline pic is a screencap from the show). Jokingly, Lawrence said:
“It’s not my butt and I will not take responsibility for it. It’s a 90-year-old butt that’s been photoshopped onto my body, and is posing as my butt.”
But Hollywood asses are serious business and nothing to joke about, so today the freedom fighters at Pacific Coast have re-released some pictures they took of Lawrence almost exactly a year ago, on January 29, 2012. And her ass looked pretty much the same then.
Not that it matters because Jennifer is a good enough actress that her ass doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s not like this is Kristen Stewart we’re talking about, whose ass should have to be so firm that she could crush cans with it.
(image source = the late show with david letterman, pacific coast)
‘Glee’ star Lea Michele wore this terrific dress on her way to Letterman yesterday in New York, and if this were a cartoon there would be a line of dashes from my eyes to her tits like when Homer Simpson sees pie or bacon and then I’d start floating with hearts in my eyes. So obviously I’m glad it doesn’t really work like that.
(image source = inf)
It’s been 20 years since Jay Leno weaseled his way into hosting the Tonight Show, taking the job from David Letterman, and 2 years since he did the exact same thing to Conan O’Brien, which is why Letterman was absolutely delighted to have Conan on his show last night for the first time in 13 years.
“I’ve known Jay a long long time,” Letterman said. “We go back to the mid 70s, back in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store. Jay was always the guy — the funniest guy — he was the guy you’d go to see. He was the guy that you wished you could be more like. He was funny. He was also, uh… a bit of a brat. So then, oh you know, when this came along, I said to myself, ‘Oh yes, this is the Jay I know.’”
“Hey, mor-more like David Fretterman and Conan O’Cryin, am I right Jay!”
- the Tonight Show writers
Eva Longoria was on David Letterman last night to promote her new cookbook (wait, what), and since she’s not afraid to dress sexy she dressed sexy. And by that I mean she wore some very short shorts and a super tight jacket and that was it.
An outfit like that doesn’t really lend itself to movement, you need to sit motionless, perfectly still as if a T-Rex was looking for you, which Longoria didn’t do, and so Dave got to see her tit (video here). Last night would have been a good night to introduce a new segment where the guests have to run down some rolling barrels.
(NOTE: Holy Shit.)