David Letterman was noticeably hoarse last night on his show, probably from cackling like a mad man as NBC and Jay Leno continue to screw up beyond all comprehension and get eviscerated by every branch of the media.
Dave spent an entire 6 minute break giving a beating to NBC and Lenos plea on Monday that people not blame Conan for this mess (video of that under the cut). And last night, as he led guest Chelsea Handler to a set made to look like a seedy motel room, Leno began to fight back by doing what he does best. By mixing failure with creepiness.
Mariah Carey looked like hell just last week on the beach in Malibu (here), yet last night on her way to do Letterman, she looked sort of terrific. I guess it’s just the push-up bra. Or maybe it’s because she looks so happy. Either way she’s smiling and looks fantastic. Having the paparazzi dress up like giant cookies really paid off.
DAVID LETTERMAN – is now a woman. Or at least will be during the ‘Law and Order’ episode about a talk show host who gets blackmailed after having affairs with members of her staff. I know what you’re thinking. “Wow this post got surprisingly boring considering it started out by saying ‘David Letterman is now a woman.’” Yeah sorry about that. (e! online)
JON GOSSELIN – is so screwed. The law firm representing TLC in their breach of contract lawsuit against him have deposed his gf, his bodyguards, and even his former lawyers to find out if he was earning money from outside appearances. This moron is so done. TLC might as well coat him in honey and throw him in a bear cage too. (radar)
JAMES GANDOLFINI – punched a photographer trying to videotape him shopping in the West Village. And it would have hurt too, except that Gandolfini is a fat tub of shit and actors are all pussies. (huffington)
CHRIS BROWN – will run his comeback “Fan Appreciation” tour through a series of small and intimate venues, starting with the House of Blues in Houston next week. So far ticket sales have been steady. Because there’s nothing more steady than “zero”. (daily news)
DENISE MILANI – is here dressed as Wonder Woman because these headlines were all kind of boring. Her costume is a little different from the original, but she still has the golden lasso and the bulletproof bracelets. Know what else is bulletproof? My dick right now. (denisemilani.com)
A studio surveillance tape reportedly caught the 62-year-old star and a much-younger female co-worker in a compromising position
(The tape could end his marriage and) persuade worried CBS execs to hammer the final nail into the talk-show host’s late-night career – and could play a key role in the trial of the producer who allegedly tried to blackmail him.
“If the tape makes its way into the criminal case, it’ll explode his marriage to smithereens,” revealed a close source.
“It’s one thing for him to have publicly admitted to having had sexual relations with some women on his staff. It’s another to see him in the throes of passion with one of those women.
The governor of Louisiana once said he couldn’t lose an election unless he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. The same goes with firing David Letterman. He’s in first place by a mile. This alleged sex tape won’t get him fired. Mostly because no one would have the stomach to watch it. I have enough problems getting an erection as it is. So much pressure! It happened again last Friday. I snuck off the the bathroom and called 911 but they said that’s not the kind of thing they’re set up to handle.
I’ve never heard of Quinnipiac University, but the angry dykes in charge of press releases would like you to know they’ve got their eye on David Letterman, and they won’t sit idly by while he has completely consensual relationships. People.com says…
Quinnipiac University says it will tell staff in charge of placing interns to be extra careful when sending students to the studio to work for Letterman, 62, who is currently at the center of a blackmail scandal over his alleged affair with one of his former interns.
“Due to recent circumstances we will have a discussion with those in charge of placing our interns at the David Letterman show in the future. We will diligently oversee this internship program to ensure that our interns are out of harm’s way.”
Oh jesus don’t be so dramatic. “Harms way”? Fuck you. They act like Dave was running around naked sodomizing every new intern. Like they were sex slaves with no way out, no one to hear their cries as they begged for mercy. If I worked at Letterman I would find the intern evaluation slips for Quinnipiac and jerk off all over them, just so the little busy-body lesbians over there can go insane with their new conspiracy theories.
DAVID LETTERMAN – made a second on-air apology to his wife, because she pretty much threatened to cut his nuts off if he didn’t. “He wanted the whole thing to blow over. But Regina told him he better make an apology to let everyone know how sorry he was for how much he hurt and humiliated her.” Haha, what a loser! He’s so p-whipped! People laugh at me because I’ve never had sex or kissed a girl or talked to a girl, but suddenly my crushing loneliness doesn’t look so bad! Oh … wait. No. No it still does. (fox news)
HEIDI KLUM – gave birth at 1am to a baby girl she named Lou Samuel. It’s her 4th child, but the first that might very well look like something from outer space. (radar)
NIKKI – I’m in love with the Cute College Girl of the Day. I love her wholly and completely. I would kill for her, I would die for her, I want to marry her and have a family and spend the rest of our lives together. (college humor)
TARA REID – went completely naked on Wednesday for a photo shoot for Playboy. She’s 33 now, and she’s of course had several plastic surgeries, so hopefully her tits look better now than they did back in 2004 when her nipples looked like the dial on a safe. (14 pics here. hq jump here. story source = intouch)