03.09.2010 i dont feel so good

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The hobbits from that ‘Little People, Big World’ show on TLC are in Hawaii today, perhaps to check on their hidden pots of gold. If anyone there is reading this you should follow them. Or just kidnap them and force them to give you their treasure.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but these pictures would be a good ad if the government wanted to start a state run infanticide program.

In hindsight, there might only be one way to take that. But I’m sick today and took two percocet an hour ago so I don’t even fuckin care right now.

(image source = pacific coast news)


02.25.2010 i dont feel so good

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For the past 10 years Kirstie Alley has been in a contest with Mad Cow Disease to see who could put away the most cattle. Because of this, her weight has fluctuated wildly, from 400 pounds all the way up to 402. But 2010 began a new diet and a new fitness regimen. The results so far have been amazing. On Twitter, she wrote…

YEEEHAA WOOHOO… LOST 6 POUNDS since Jan.1 Yay yay… so 6 pounds in 11 days… I’ll take it!!! FEELS GREAT to be ON TRACK… hear that ENQUIRER?

That probably just means she weighed herself after going to the bathroom, but whatever, because as bad as it is picturing her alone, now picture her having sex with Jamie Foxx. People.com says…

During an interview with Kirstie Alley, set to air Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey Show, the host brought up a May 2009 PEOPLE interview in which Alley revealed her affinity for actor Jamie Foxx.
“I haven’t been having sex,” Alley, 59, said at the time. “I want a booty call with Jamie Foxx. For real,” she said. “I’ve always had a bit of a thing for him.”
“Well, you know, that’s really great because we have a special relationship, but I don’t want a booty call,” Winfrey says of her friend, who magically appeared via closed-circuit TV – prompting screams from Alley.
“Kirstie … with Oprah’s permission, I’ll be your booty call,” Foxx, 42, tells her.

It’s hard not to notice that Foxx didn’t appear in person. If he was worried about her rubbing her stomachs and then pouncing on him, all he would have to do is step up onto a curb or something. She’d be helpless, trapped down there until help arrived.


02.12.2010 i dont feel so good

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Due to a weak gag reflex, I tried to ignore the rumor that naked pictures of Snooki were on their way. Oh, but look. Here’s one. The first of many apparently. Someone even set up a website to leak them one by one.

It’s extremely surprising that nakedsnooki.com wasn’t already taken, but it’s even extremelier surprising that the owner has set aside three spaces for ads. If that orange goblin was sneaking up toward my bed like this I would attack it with my shoe and try to kill it. This website might not be the money-making extravaganza they’re hoping for.

01.18.2010 i dont feel so good

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Monique won the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe last night for her breakthrough work in the film “Precious,” but they didn’t have any pictures of that. Instead, look. It’s the only known pictures of Bigfoot in a dress. Those Hollywood fairies looked pretty nervous, but don’t you worry, I’ll land that buck. No one can defeat the terrifying might of my spear gun, so capably wielded.


12.28.2009 i dont feel so good

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Rihanna spent the Christmas holidays back home in Barbados, and yesterday she launched her attack on my erection when she went to the beach in this disturbingly small bikini. If her ass was the size of her chest and her chest was the size of her ass, it would have been fantastic, but they’re not so it wasn’t.

This will probabaly be another time when some fatties will gasp for air while typing on their chocolate crumb coated keyboard to ask who gave me the right to call people like Rihanna fat, and to put out the message that all girls should be skinny with big tits or else they suck. Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America!


11.05.2009 i dont feel so good

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Mariah Carey filmed a video yesterday on the beach in Malibu, and she did it in this very revealing swimsuit for some inexplicable reason. I have no idea what song it’s for. It should be called ‘Hungry For Love’. I know there are lots of guys who like girls built like this (big ass, no tits) but none of those guys are white, and I’m white as Christmas morning so I find this repulsive. She’s just a shapeless mushy blob. It’d be like fucking a beanbag. People get all PC on me when I say we should burn all the fat people but what about now? How do you feel about it now?

NOTE - I’ve been told you can see her nipple in this one, but I’m just gonna take that person at their word.

(source = pacific coast news)