Charlie Sheen lives in a mansion with several decent-looking female porn stars that he rotates in and out as he sees fit, while he collects paychecks on a 100-episode deal for Anger Management, despite the fact that he never even deserved it in the first place after his hilariously shameless public meltdown that included rants against his ex-showrunner and a standup comedy tour that proved he’s not funny. He’s basically living the American Dream.
It also shouldn’t really surprise anyone that on top of that, he never even graduated high school, but Jay Leno finally took care of that on the Tonight Show, so the guy who shouldn’t even be working in Hollywood is now at least qualified to work at McDonald’s.
Charlie Sheen was on The Tonight Show on Wednesday to promote his new film, Scary Movie 5, in theaters today, and the conversation quickly turned to his strange friendship with Lindsay Lohan. Sheen helped Lohan out last year by loaning her six figures to pay her back taxes, because that’s the kind of thing a 47-year old man does for a 26-year girl with no strings attached.
But the big question for Sheen, who co-stars with Lohan in Scary Movie 5, was whether or not Lohan behaved herself on the set of his show, Anger Management, on which she appears in an upcoming episode. The answer, of course, is no. Hell no. He basically accused her of hijacking the show and stealing more jewelry. In fact, he might as well have just accused her of giving him herpes. Sure, we’d laugh and say, “Yeah, she gave you herpes” but hey, it was worth a shot.
NBC officially announced today that Jay Leno is retiring in 2014 and The Tonight Show will pass to Late Night host Jimmy Fallon. Sound familiar? A younger, smarter, funnier host attempts to replace Leno as host of the Tonight Show…that’s always worked out well. First, Leno used backroom tactics and a smear campaign against David Letterman to take over after Johnny Carson retired. This in spite of the fact that Carson wanted Letterman to replace him. Then a couple of years ago Leno retired and let Conan O’Brien take over for a few months…until he swooped in and took back the Tonight Show.
Jay Leno is a big-chinned assmuncher that is racked with jealousy for anyone funnier than him…so, anyone else on TV. He’s basically like a child who beats up his brother and farts in his mouth if he catches him playing with his toy. And, yeah, I did that, so I got a little Leno in me too. Still, it mostly comes down to the petty jealousy and mindless conquest mentality of Hollywood. It makes people successful. Also really fucking annoying.
NBC has no idea what the fuck it’s doing of course, as was made perfectly clear once again during the Olympics and the fact that their plan was to lose $200 million (again) and now they’re gloating about simply breaking even. If nothing else they feel it’s an amazing way to promote their new shows, like they did in 2004 and 2008, when all of the shows they pushed were cancelled in less than one season.
Now the Wall Street Journal says Jay Leno is taking a paycut from $30 million a year to $15 million to prevent NBC from cutting his ‘Tonight Show’ budget and staff, which they want to do despite the fact that ‘Tonight’ made $160 million in ad revenue last year, one of the very few things on NBC that made any profit at all.
So the plan isn’t to stop doing dumb things, it’s to attack and demoralize the shows that are actually making money. Phase 2 of the plan is to dig up Johnny Carson and let wolves chew his bones in the parking lot.
It’s been 20 years since Jay Leno weaseled his way into hosting the Tonight Show, taking the job from David Letterman, and 2 years since he did the exact same thing to Conan O’Brien, which is why Letterman was absolutely delighted to have Conan on his show last night for the first time in 13 years.
“I’ve known Jay a long long time,” Letterman said. “We go back to the mid 70s, back in Los Angeles at the Comedy Store. Jay was always the guy — the funniest guy — he was the guy you’d go to see. He was the guy that you wished you could be more like. He was funny. He was also, uh… a bit of a brat. So then, oh you know, when this came along, I said to myself, ‘Oh yes, this is the Jay I know.’”
“Hey, mor-more like David Fretterman and Conan O’Cryin, am I right Jay!”
The last time Lindsay Lohan was on a talk show was back in April, when she told Jay Leno the same stuff she always says; that she wants to be more professional and responsible and that she’s not the dipshit party girl everyone thinks she is.
The next time Lindsay Lohan was supposed to be on a talk show was yesterday, with Ellen DeGenneres, but she went to some parties in Hawaii instead then skipped her flight back without even bothering to call them.
Lindsay Lohan bailed on her scheduled “Ellen DeGeneres Show” taping on Tuesday. Gossip Cop has learned the actress did NOT board her flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles.
“Not a call or an apology from Lindsay,” a show insider tells us.
The show, a contractually obligated promotional appearance for her Playboy cover, was scheduled two months ago.
Yeah so it turns out that TV shows have a set schedule that they stick to. Pretty surprising, huh. This isn’t like an abortion Lindsay, you cant just reschedule it for tomorrow.