Photo Credit: Getty
Photo Credit: Getty
I hate to think that Putin won at anything, but, damn, that Sochi opening ceremony spectacular made Communism look amazing. Brazil has spent eleven billion on the World Cup, but most of that went to buy ring pops for the City of God gangsters for their promise to reduce tourist kidnappings by sixty-percent in June. The opening ceremonies today looked like the kids decided to put on a play to save Mrs. Beasley’s civic garden from being rolled. I’m pretty sure they just picked up a truckload of vendors selling kebabs down by the beach, slapped a leftover Mardi Gras costume on them, and told them to dance like Amy Grant. Then the showstoppers came. Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull. Nothing says Brazilian pride like a a Puerto Rican and a Cuban getting stuck on a rising stage platform that jams right out of the box. I hope somebody kept their Amazon return label.
Ultimately, the World Cup is about sport. Just like Sochi, shoddy infastrcture, crappy field conditions, and Johnny Weir dressed like Anderson Cooper’s mom couldn’t take away from the majesty of the competition. Soccer fans could give a rat’s ass if a couple stadium sections collapse and tens of thousands perish. You riot, kill a few government officials, and you move on. The Olympics are just two years away and there’s lots more ring pops to buy.
Celebrities like to make a big deal about returning to where they came up. Like many of us, where they came up was some place that benefits from time and distance and the melancholy of reminiscing. Hey, remember that place where that dude got stabbed and bled out on the street or that time that girl got raped by the dude who was yet to be stabbed? Yeah, I loved being in constant danger and having no air conditioning. Those were good times. Over the years people from the Bronx have complained that Jenny forgot her roots and has never given back what she owes. Owes to who? That Puerto Rican chick who didn’t do so well in school and couldn’t sing bootstrapped her own Latina self into every backup dancer gig she could find to make enough cash to get the fuck out. She danced behind New Kids on the Block to pay her rent. That’s earning your bones. Until last night, Jennifer had never been back to the Bronx to perform. She can’t sing but she’s got an incredible ass that may not be near enough a set of balls to please her boyfriend, but still got her to the top of the entertainment powerhouse charts. I have nothing but respect for Jennifer Lopez. She didn’t forget her roots, she just never really liked them. That’s fair.
Photo Credit: Getty, Splash
Purveyor of all things tranny hooker scandalous, TheDirty.com is reporting that Casper Smart was sexting online with yet another male turned female for the purposes of feeling fresh and lithesome. He may also have met up with this one as well in his bad-ass Dodge Ram tranny boinking truck. Page Six is reporting that Jennifer Lopez is fed up with her cougar cub being such an insatiable post-op pussy hound. J-Lo is getting ready to break up with Casper even though he’s been the perfect boyfriend of two years, you know, other than constantly pointing to her vagina in bed and saying, mmm, that’s where your hot cock used to be. All of which just goes to show that intergenerational, incongruent sexuality relationships are difficult even under the best of circumstances. Also, if you happen to like transgendered sex and you don’t want your meal ticket to cut you off, find yourself a decent alias and cover story. Somebody wasn’t paying attention during backup show dancer orientation.
Photo credit: Xristina Marie on Google Plus
When it comes to to he said, he/she said, I don’t like to pick sides. But when an anonymous sources comes forward to confirm that Casper Smart is super not banging tranny escort Sofie Vissa, how can you not believe that?
Casper is not seeing Sofie so there is nothing like that going on. He has not strayed. — anonymous ‘friend’ of Casper Smart.
That’s an exclusive Daily Mail anonymous source by the way. Anonymous sources gave us Watergate and something else once I think. They are to be held in the highest regard as to authenticity. If ‘unnamed friend’ says J-Lo’s dancer boyfriend isn’t breaking anatomical bread with a she male, that’s good enough for me. Let’s just wait to see if J-Lo takes the truck back. Then we’ll know for sure.
Jennifer Lopez has been tapped to receive The Vanguard Award from GLAAD in a couple weeks. That’s the biggee. The pinnacle of gay and transgendered and effeminate British men with lisps advocacy achievement. Not only has Jenny spent the past year ordering her publicists to release generic general statements on behalf of gay marriage, she’s been producing the show The Fosters, on ABC Family. In case you haven’t caught it yet, The Fosters is about an interracial lesbian couple just trying to raise some bio kids, some adopted kids, and some foster kids who all accidentally interrupt their parents a lot when the they think everyone’s asleep and it’s safe to start finger banging each other. It’s like the Brady Bunch, but with gay parents. Wait, it’s just like the Brady Bunch. ABC Family sure has come a long way from when they were Pat Robertson’s Family Channel. I don’t recall so many ebony and ivory make-out sessions on the 700 Club, though I did only watch casually for their unbiased news commentary. This is going to be a nice feather in Jenny’s cap considering she now joins past GLAAD Vanguard award winners such as Drew Barrymore, Janet Jackson, Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Taylor and other women that are either dead or you’d wish them dead after about 20 minutes in a car ride together.
Photo Credit: Glamour