By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Because she writes it on Instagram for her millions of idiot fans, Jennifer Lopez really wants you to believe that she’s still just “Jenny from the block” and not a spoiled, arrogant diva clinging to the last few minutes of fame in her already tired career. After all, she’s still the same girl dating the same guy who is half her age, while wearing shoes that a European prostitute would put on if she needed to reach a really high cabinet. If you doubt that the love between Jennifer and Casper Smart is true and strong, then they sure showed all of us yesterday, as they held hands while leaving the Power 106 studios in Los Angeles. Minutes later, she’d tell him to fuck off and stay behind her with the rest of the lesser life forms, but for a few whole seconds, theirs was the most beautiful love in the world.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 2:56 PM
I’m not sure how you get a break from judging American Idol. I thought that was some sacred duty to discover the best singer in America with a tragic backstory set to a melancholy score. I guess they let Jennifer Lopez go for the weekend to film this big commercial to get everybody to buy tickets to the World Cup this summer. Sochi has had a big problem selling tickets, mostly because people really only travel to the Black Sea when tied up in the back of KGB cars. Also, making up fake sports on ice hasn’t proven to be super compelling to people below the 60th parallel. The World Cup is in Rio, which is sun and beaches and hookers who have been trading sex for beads continuously since 1720. It seems like a natural draw for the rest of the world. Just remind your loved ones to follow standard proof of life protocols after your kidnapping and off you go.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News
By Lex February 12, 2014 @ 1:11 PM
Just when you thought soccer couldn’t get any more popular among people still using terrestrial TV antennas, Jennifer Lopez squats out her crotch and maybe some portion of her labial sandwich to make a World Cup promotional video. As far as promoting shit, you could do worse than saying, ‘If you like J-Lo’s snatch, you’ll love…’ soccer or having your nuts lopped off by a Brazilian hooker who over huffed the bathroom cleaner. Consider me world soccer fan number five-hundred million and one. But if nobody scores in the first seventeen games, Jennifer’s going to have to get her stank meat a whole lot closer to my face to convince me to keep watching.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, INFphoto.com
By Travis January 14, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Jennifer Lopez has this funny habit of posting photos of her to Instagram with the message “#samegirl” attached to them (my favorite is this one), because she constantly has to remind her fans that she’s not the incredibly arrogant, stuck-up diva that people have made her out to be over the last decade. And she proved just how down to Earth and “Jenny from the block” she is by showing up to Fox’s winter party last night and looking awkward and annoyed at almost every second on the red carpet. Then again, it was probably tough for her to know that of all the network’s stars that were there last night, she’s the one people give the tiniest shit about.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Jack July 01, 2013 @ 11:40 AM
Jennifer Lopez decided to take her mediocre singing talents and big ass to Turkmenistan to perform for ruthless dictator Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. The “singer” performed at the behest of the China National Petroleum Corp, (which right there should have tipped her off that this wasn’t a United Way program). Berdimuhamedow was in attendance and she sang him happy birthday. Aw. Too bad that he’s a ruthless fucking dictator and Turkmenistan has one of the worst human rights records on the planet. J-Lo’s people quickly backtracked and said, “Had there been knowledge of human rights issues any kind, Jennifer would not have attended.” Really? You know how you gain that knowledge? Do a fucking Google search. Here, this is what I found in 5 seconds on Turkmenistan’s Wikipedia page:
“Turkmenistan has been widely criticized for human rights abuses…Turkmenistan had the 2nd worst press freedom conditions in the world, behind North Korea…Any opposition to the government is considered treason and punishable by life imprisonment…Arbitrary arrests and mistreatment of detained persons are common in Turkmenistan, as is torture to obtain confessions.”
Didn’t know, my ass. Didn’t care is more like it. Celebs do this kind of shit all the time for cash and prizes. Beyonce, Nelly Furtado, 50 Cent, Mariah Carey and Usher all performed for the Gadhafi family and then claimed to not know they were terrorist sponsoring fuckwad. Or how about all the douchenozzles like Sean Penn that suck up to guys like Castro and late comedian Hugo Chavez? Seriously, do you think that the team of people who handle these jerk-offs wouldn’t check these things out beforehand if they were really worried about not performing for murderers? They just hoped that they wouldn’t get caught. Now I have another fucking reason to hate J-Lo besides Maid in Manhattan.
By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 5:18 PM
Nobody complained about the stupidly sexual lyrics, the lip-synching, or the cheap-ass set, but apparently everybody in Britain is up in arms over Jennifer Lopez flashing her crotch and ass cheeks in some rubbery Spanx like leotard on Britain’s Got Talent. The Brits are investigating to see if further action is required. This could include fining the television network, blocking the performance from ever being re-aired, or telling a bunch of self-righteous annoying old British twats to shut the fuck up.