By Lex March 28, 2014 @ 4:21 PM
Jennifer Lopez has been tapped to receive The Vanguard Award from GLAAD in a couple weeks. That’s the biggee. The pinnacle of gay and transgendered and effeminate British men with lisps advocacy achievement. Not only has Jenny spent the past year ordering her publicists to release generic general statements on behalf of gay marriage, she’s been producing the show The Fosters, on ABC Family. In case you haven’t caught it yet, The Fosters is about an interracial lesbian couple just trying to raise some bio kids, some adopted kids, and some foster kids who all accidentally interrupt their parents a lot when the they think everyone’s asleep and it’s safe to start finger banging each other. It’s like the Brady Bunch, but with gay parents. Wait, it’s just like the Brady Bunch. ABC Family sure has come a long way from when they were Pat Robertson’s Family Channel. I don’t recall so many ebony and ivory make-out sessions on the 700 Club, though I did only watch casually for their unbiased news commentary. This is going to be a nice feather in Jenny’s cap considering she now joins past GLAAD Vanguard award winners such as Drew Barrymore, Janet Jackson, Sharon Stone, Elizabeth Taylor and other women that are either dead or you’d wish them dead after about 20 minutes in a car ride together.
Photo Credit: Glamour
By Lex March 13, 2014 @ 6:36 PM
I’m not saying I’m an expert on women, but I’m also not saying I’m not. I’ve sat in lots of waiting rooms reading lots of women’s magazines. I know when a middle-aged woman is getting laid. With young women, you really can’t tell. I remember learning that the dowdy looking clarinet player in my high school had a longer done list than Lindsay Lohan’s latest tally. At the same time, the supposed school slut who was always flashing her ass remained a virgin until marriage. But mature women are easier to peg. They wear tight clothes and bright colors. Bright colors tells the world as a woman you’re feeling fecund. It’s the precise opposite of bland colored pantsuits, which tells the world, you haven’t been penetrated since your husband Bill was running for governor. I think Jennifer Lopez is still dating that teenage backup dancer. And, by dating, I mean, he’s banging the shnozz out of her until she feels like wearing pink skinny jeans in public. He gets the keys to the car and use of the pool at three of her homes. It’s a solid deal.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet, AKM-GSI
By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Because she writes it on Instagram for her millions of idiot fans, Jennifer Lopez really wants you to believe that she’s still just “Jenny from the block” and not a spoiled, arrogant diva clinging to the last few minutes of fame in her already tired career. After all, she’s still the same girl dating the same guy who is half her age, while wearing shoes that a European prostitute would put on if she needed to reach a really high cabinet. If you doubt that the love between Jennifer and Casper Smart is true and strong, then they sure showed all of us yesterday, as they held hands while leaving the Power 106 studios in Los Angeles. Minutes later, she’d tell him to fuck off and stay behind her with the rest of the lesser life forms, but for a few whole seconds, theirs was the most beautiful love in the world.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 2:56 PM
I’m not sure how you get a break from judging American Idol. I thought that was some sacred duty to discover the best singer in America with a tragic backstory set to a melancholy score. I guess they let Jennifer Lopez go for the weekend to film this big commercial to get everybody to buy tickets to the World Cup this summer. Sochi has had a big problem selling tickets, mostly because people really only travel to the Black Sea when tied up in the back of KGB cars. Also, making up fake sports on ice hasn’t proven to be super compelling to people below the 60th parallel. The World Cup is in Rio, which is sun and beaches and hookers who have been trading sex for beads continuously since 1720. It seems like a natural draw for the rest of the world. Just remind your loved ones to follow standard proof of life protocols after your kidnapping and off you go.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News
By Lex February 12, 2014 @ 1:11 PM
Just when you thought soccer couldn’t get any more popular among people still using terrestrial TV antennas, Jennifer Lopez squats out her crotch and maybe some portion of her labial sandwich to make a World Cup promotional video. As far as promoting shit, you could do worse than saying, ‘If you like J-Lo’s snatch, you’ll love…’ soccer or having your nuts lopped off by a Brazilian hooker who over huffed the bathroom cleaner. Consider me world soccer fan number five-hundred million and one. But if nobody scores in the first seventeen games, Jennifer’s going to have to get her stank meat a whole lot closer to my face to convince me to keep watching.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, INFphoto.com
By Travis January 14, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Jennifer Lopez has this funny habit of posting photos of her to Instagram with the message “#samegirl” attached to them (my favorite is this one), because she constantly has to remind her fans that she’s not the incredibly arrogant, stuck-up diva that people have made her out to be over the last decade. And she proved just how down to Earth and “Jenny from the block” she is by showing up to Fox’s winter party last night and looking awkward and annoyed at almost every second on the red carpet. Then again, it was probably tough for her to know that of all the network’s stars that were there last night, she’s the one people give the tiniest shit about.
Photo Credits: WENN.com