J-Lo Can’t Sit Through Mariah And Shit Around The Web

By Jack May 19, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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The Internet is all in a tizzy after Jennifer Lopez was caught texting during Mariah Carey’s performance at the Billboard Music Awards. The more appropriate celebrity response is to pretend you’re watching raptly while imaging Mariah dead and you singing at her funeral to heaps of praise.

See the incriminating photo. (TMZ)

Holly Graves will capture your hearts with some amazing sideboob and thong shots. (Egotastic)

Tamara Ecclestone unleashes her nips on the beach. (Drunken Stepfather)

Watch the Joker smack down Harley Quinn in this leaked Suicide Squad footage. (Huffington Post)

Let’s pretend it’s the 90′s and check out Kate Beckinsale’s ass. (Popoholic)

Hot girls tugging on their clothes to reveal what’s underneath. (The Chive)

Emma Stone grew up to be highly bangable. (COED)

Jennifer Lopez Supports Gay Marriage

By Lex April 30, 2015 @ 8:59 AM

Jennifer Lopez Wears A Tight Pant Suit To American Idol
Women with money should be able to do whatever they fuck they please just like men with money and government officials. Jennifer Lopez is going to marry her gay backup dancer in what is being reported by people who have no idea whatsoever as a multimillion dollar affair in December. Lopez had broken up with Casper Smart earlier this year because he had been dirty texting trannies. Lopez later forgave him realizing that this was simply the natural habit of young men who suckle cock like it’s candy.

Lopez’ public relations team has begun leaking stories about how much her twin six year olds love Smart and how he makes them pancakes and reads them bed time stories. According to these same anonymous sources on retainer, Jennifer asked her twins if they’d like Casper to be their new daddy and they screamed “Yes!”. Then the kids asked Lopez who she was and Jennifer had the nannies take them away because children can say the meanest things.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty

Jennifer Lopez Wears A Short Dress

By Lex March 12, 2015 @ 9:06 AM

Jennifer Lopez Wears A Tiny Dress To American Idol Party
Who will be the next Ford Coke Tampax American Idol? I don’t know. The most important thing is that we as a nation accept the decision and quickly ignore the winner. If they’re not penniless and ruined as a person within four years time, we haven’t done our jobs. Jennifer Lopez legs do look nice for forty-five. That has to be something of a solace to the future loser winner.

Photo Credit: INF

J-Lo Relates

By Matt January 26, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

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At a certain point you can squat down and take a shit in front of an intern for the Post and it will be deemed relatable. This is the situation Jennifer Lopez finds herself in. She mumbled some fantastically uninteresting information and had it printed in bold because she has good mammaries:

“I’m still Bronxy. I still wear hoops. I still like to rock sneakers and sweats. I always felt like I was out of place in Hollywood. But I also felt that the street smarts I had from growing up in New York served me well out here.”

Or would serve you well if out here wasn’t just a town full of displaced New Yorkers. You can’t go a block in Hollywood without somebody complaining about how the pizza isn’t like back home because it’s not made with the blood of Howard Beach race war victims. While Lopez’ choice of pants remains fascinating I’m not sure she’s worth the baggage at this point. Those Guatemalan chicks are happy to have close toed shoes and still think ceramic plates are fancy. Fuck this shit. Unless the prenup talks are canceled, I refuse to be her next gay husband.

Photo Credit: Facebook 

 

Jeremy Renner Is A Pimp And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Jeremy Renner used his two minutes as a presenter at the Golden Globes to come on to Jennifer Lopez. It’s pretty fucking smooth. You shouldn’t hit on a woman just because her tits are hanging out of her dress, you should also imagine you’d like her smile.

This is how you compliment a lady on her knockers. (Dlisted)

Alexis Ren heats up Instagram in a series of hot pics. (Egotastic)

George Zimmerman arrested after flinging a bottle at his girlfriends because he’s a fucking psycho. (TMZ)

Lena Dunham shows off her pasty lumps before the Golden Globes. (Huffington Post)

Miley Cyrus dresses like slutty herpes-ridden Elvis. (Drunken Stepfather)

Hailey Clauson in a bikini will make you smile in your pants. (Popoholic)

Nikki Lund goes surfing in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)

Jennifer Lopez Tits Also Were Pretty Perfect

By Lex December 19, 2014 @ 12:37 PM

Jennifer Lopez Wears A Plunging Dress At The People Magazine Awards In Beverly Hills
I hope the Wizard at the People Magazine awards had something in his bag for Jennifer. Her tits deserved something after two kids. I don’t care if the wet nurse did all the heavy lifting. Give J-Lo an obelisk or a Hardee’s gift certificate or something. When People Magazine honors you, it means that your public relations agency and their sales staff spent many hours coming to some mutually beneficial arrangement. That’s hard work that deserves a complimentery role of the magical tape wardrobe assistants ues to make those tits look picture perfect at forty-five

Photo Credit: INF/Splash