The home movie of Jennifer Lopez made in 1997, legally held up for now but still being shopped around be her first husband Ojani Noa, at first sounded pretty boring. Now it sounds pretty boring and then interrupted by a scene so awful just the description of it makes my dick shrivel. People says…
The video, called How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story, reputedly includes Lopez, now 40, wearing skimpy clothing and supposedly being spanked by Noa. It reportedly also contains a fight between her and her mother.
Jennifer Lopez is an A-cup with an ass so big she has to buy her pants at the circus, so just the thought of her acting sexy and getting spanked is disgusting. All girls should be exactly like UK model Vikki Blows. Short and skinny with big tits (nsfw pic here. and here. and here and here). If you don’t look like her, then you need to go away and not come back until you do. And just so any recent high school graduates know, that last line is also on the application filled out by any girls who want to work at Tyler.
(vikki blows has maybe never taken a picture with her shirt on, thankfully, and i cant even look at jlo right now, so instead here are old pictures of ‘g.i. joe’ star rachel nichols in a bikini)
HOOPER PENN - is the 16-year-old son of Sean Penn, and last week he was arrested at his prissy Malibu high school. At the time it wasn’t clear why, but now it’s been reveled that - brace yourself - he had drugs. I should go talk to his school about the “Hugs, Not Drugs” program. You, in the front row, with the red hair and big tits, come on up and we’ll show the class how this works. (radar)
JENNIFA YOPEZ - is fighting to stop the release of 11 hours of home video footage, which among other things shows her parading around mostly naked and arguing with her mother. A Latin girl who is overtly sexual but also has a temper? Yeah, right! This sounds fake to me. (enquirer)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - walked around LA today, and in some of the pictures from this set her arms were up across her chest and you couldn’t see her huge tits. Needless to say I skipped right over those. (pacific coast)
CELINE DION - is in talks to buy the NHL’s Montreal Canadians. And maybe after that Bette Middler can buy the UFC, and we’ll just fag up all the good sports one by one. (source = reuters)
KANYE WEST - "South Park" ripped him apart last night, and on his blog he wrote that it hurt his feelings, and "I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM." Actually a better way to start would be to turn off the GD caps lock key. (source = the ap)
JENNIFER LOPEZ - she has so many wigs she has a room just for them. "Jennifer keeps the door locked and hardly ever lets anyone in the room, not even Marc. The shelves on the walls are full of plastic heads holding the best hairpieces money can buy." Talk about crazy. A Puerto Rican woman in a wig?! Now I’ve heard everything. (source = star and wenn)
Honest to god there are some celebrities that you never ever ever hear anything good about. This story is about Jennifer Lopez. Try and guess where this is headed. The New York Post says…
(she) borrowed $50,000 worth of diamonds from Robert Mouawad to attend the launch of Andrea Lieberman's fashion line at Barneys in Beverly Hills last week. Gwen Stefani, Leah Remini and Ellen Pompeo also borrowed baubles from Mouawad. The next day, the other celebs returned their bling, but J.Lo didn't. We received a call from [her manager] Benny Medina, informing us that Jennifer was going to keep the jewelry," an insider said.
I don’t have a dictionary in front of me but I’m pretty sure "borrowed" implies you’re going to give something back to the person that owns it. I guess JLo didn’t know that one. Or "loan". Or "steal". I'm guess I’m just bragging now with my fancy vocabulary. I'm a real wordsmith, I love words!
Star magazine says today that the strained relationship between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony has turned violent in the past few weeks. Oh I know right?
after months of fighting the couple's fiery marital brawls have escalated to a whole new level. Sources close to the couple say that the twosome's emotional war of words has now crossed the line and become physical.
"They love hard; they fight hard — and sometimes that has led to pushing and shoving," reveals an insider close to Marc. "They throw things and scream and just go bananas. It's been war in their house!" And while Jennifer is known to let loose on him, another source says Marc "can be really mean. He's a macho guy with a horrible temper and can say awful things."
This sounds pretty normal for a fight between Mexicans or whatever it is they are. Latin women are hot but they're all nuts. I can very definitely picture JLo throwing things and screaming "bitch I cut’ju, I cut’ju foreal", but I can't picture Marc Anthonys little spindly ass doing anything but crying in the bathtub afterwords and swearing this will be the last time she hits him. He just seems like a complete pussy. At best he would draw a mustache on one of her pictures and then hide it.
It wasn’t my intention to make fun of Jennifer Lopez and her big disgusting fat ass and point out the way her fat spills out of her dress, but I mean, it's right there. And there. And there. And there.
(picture source = getty images)
