Last night during the premiere of his season on ‘American Chopper’, Jesse James dismissively referred to Sandra Bullock simply as “some Hollywood actress”, and I know this because dozens of celebrity sites (including Us – E! – Access Hollywood and the Huffington Post) are saying he did, all with a report that is basically some version of this:.
Jesse James continues to be in the running for worst ex of 2011! His latest comment for consideration comes in the form of a slam about ex-wife Sandra Bullock.
“I became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad,” Jesse said (as) he apologized to his fans (we’re not exactly sure who and where these “fans” are!). “I feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ‘em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.”
Problem is that everyone is skipping over the first part, where he explains why he moved to Austin and mentions her by name, which puts things in a better context.
“I started coming to Texas about 6, 7 years ago, because Sandy lived down here. I just felt relaxed here, and now I can look out and see trees, and birds. I just became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad and feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ‘em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.”
So in reality he said that he moved cross country to spend more time with Sandra Bullock, which is actually a nice thing to say, yet it got twisted into a dismissive insult by a sector of the media run almost exclusively by women and gay guys so they could make a guy who cheated look like an asshole. Or at least that’s how I’m preemptively spinning what they do, just in case I ever get caught cheating on someone famous.
The reason Jesse James was available to get engaged to Kat Von D was because he cheated on Sandra Bullock dozens of times and she divorced him. And Kat knew this of course, but she thought she could change him. Let’s check her facebook and see how that’s going!
“Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year.”
Oh ok. So I guess not very well. Wait is she implying she’s met all 19 women? How the hell does that happen? Do girls just walk up and tell her they banged her fiance? Because that seems rude.
(image source of Kat at the Grove with her dad = wenn)
ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT – have moved their family into a 16th century mansion in Glasgow, Scotland. Thanks to Zahara, the area around their house is now known as, “the black neighborhood.” (people)
KAT VON D AND JESSE JAMES – are apparently engaged again. “Come to think of it we’re not that great is this is probably the best we’re gonna do,” they no doubt reasoned correctly. (huff post)
ROBERT DOWNEY JR – will produce a movie about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, which is one of the scariest true stories I can think of. Cliff Notes: in 1945, after delivering the uranium for the atomic bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima 10 days later, it was sunk by a Japanese torpedo. 330 crewman died, 880 went into the water. Over the next 4 days, 554 of those 880 died, mostly because they were dragged under one by one and eaten by sharks. Which is how I hope I die. It sounds peaceful. (thr)
KIM KARDASHIAN – revealed the dress she’ll wear at her wedding this Saturday on a wax figure at Madame Tussauds in Hollywood. It was really touching. What could be more romantic than to see your wifes wedding gown for the first time in between mannequins of Donkey Kong and Chris Jericho. (e!, wenn)
You can’t watch TLC for more than 10 minutes without seeing a commercial for ‘LA Ink’ with Kat Von D and Jesse James talking about their engagement and how they make their long distance relationship work, but just as TLC once implied you might Learn something by watching their Channel, that’s all sort of gone to hell.
“I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I’d like to share. Thanks for respecting that.”
Thankfully People did not respect that and shared more info.
“I’m so sad because I really love her,” James (says). “The distance between us was just too much.”
James, 42, and the LA Ink star, 29, were engaged in January and had been planning a summer wedding around the one-year anniversary of when they started dating.
But the commute between Los Angeles, where Von D shoots her reality show, and James’s home outside of Austin, Texas, where he lives with his kids proved to be too much.
Jeez, what am I, your therapist, I don’t care why you broke up. Keep that shit to yourself Jesse. The only reason I even bothered with this was so I could post these pictures of Kat getting scanned at LAX last month. And if you think you’re happy to see her ass in tights, look at this guy. If I were racist and you were here I might say something in a old-timey “black” voice like, “Holy Mackerel! Lookem dis here white girl!” But as everyone knows I’m not racist, and I don’t appreciate that kind of humor.
SKINS – has now lost so many sponsors (Taco Bell, Wrigley, Subway, Foot Locker, L’Oreal and Shick) due to its subject matter, it’s now in danger of being canceled. Can’t they just get new sponsors? Sponsors who aren’t so uptight? Like tequila, or the morning after pill. Or a tequila with the morning after pill in it. (fox)
PENELOPE CRUZ AND JAVIER BARDEM – are now the parents of a baby boy, with Penelope giving birth the same day Javier was nominated for an Academy Award as Best Actor. Because of course she couldn’t let him be the center of attention for even 5 minutes. Selfish cunt. (huff post)
JESSE JAMES – is the subject of two more Nazi related pictures (as he was about a year ago), though these aren’t as bad. Or as good, depending on how you feel about Nazis. (us)
JOE MANGANIELLO – of True Blood is a leading candidate to play Superman in the reboot from producer Christopher Nolan and director Zach Snyder, and I’m sorry but no one named Joe Manganiello should be playing Superman. Or is part of the re-imagining to have a Superman who wears bronzer and “ice” in his ear, and instead of flying he drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse around. “Hey, hello, excuse me. I’m bein friggin Superman over here huh, so how about you show a little friggin respect.” (la times)
JAMIE CHUNG – stars in the upcoming Sucker Punch, and now she’s on the cover of Complex. I’ve said this a million times but Asian girls are just better than regular girls, in every way, at everything. And Jamie is a good example. If we ever had sex I would absolutely try to get her pregnant so she could never leave me. (complex)
MICHAEL DOUGLAS – may lose the ability to speak after his 8 weeks of chemo for throat cancer. So if you need an A-list star in your movie about a mummy, send the script to Michael Douglas. (the sun)
SANDRA BULLOCK – says there is no chance at a reconciliation with Jesse James, who has taken the hint and started dating Kat Von D. It’s just like the last time I got dumped, except instead of banging new stray pussy, I carved FATTY into my arm and cried a lot. (popeater)
LINDSAY LOHAN – has been offered $1 million by OK! magazine for her first interview out of rehab. Is she in a good place now? Is the media always lying about her, and does she just want to concentrate on work now? I wonder what she’ll say. I bet it’s surprising. (hollywood reporter)
MEGAN FOX – sometimes borrows shirts, like the Star Wars one pictured, from her 8-year-old step-son. Which is why I mailed her step-son a fishnet tank top. (daily mail)