TLC Is Giving Kate Gosselin More Money

TLC announced yesterday that at some point in June, it will air a one-time special featuring Kate Gosselin and her eight children to answer the biggest question on every asshole's mind: "Why haven't those poor children been taken away from their desperately attention-starved mother?" Or, as the network that once prided itself as educational put it, it'll be a chance to catch up with Kate and her kids to see how life...

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Jon Gosselin Wants Custody Of His Sextuplets

Now that Kate Gosselin is once again, at the very least, a temporary laughing stock after her two oldest daughters embarrassed her during their interview on Today, Jon Gosselin is finding that as many people as he can count on a hand kind of give a shit about what he thinks about it. Apparently he has known that his kids hate their mom all along – shocking, I know – and now he's finally doing something, because ...read more

Jon Gosselin Is Still Stuck on His Horrible Wife

Jon Gosselin called his ex wife and fellow horrible person Kate Gosselin all kinds of yucky names. The two assholes rose to fame a few years ago when Kate bio-mechanically squeezed out a litter of eight pups like a suburban labrador retriever. The two starred in Jon and Kate + 8, which was a worse show than the one on the Health Channel that shows colonoscopies set to Peter, Paul, and Mary songs. The Gosselin couple...

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Jon Gosselin Is a Happy Waiter

Jon Gosselin is now waiting tables to try to pay the rent on his crappy cottage in the woods. It's his rundown fortress of solitude where he's hiding from his horrid ex-wife and bill collectors. But he's happy. Because even a big dick like Jon Gosselin is still a man, and men find peace in the simple life. Anybody who thinks that fame and fortune will somehow serve as earplugs for eight screaming kids and shrewish...

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Kate Gosselin Sues Jon Gosselin Because She Can

Kate Gosselin is suing her ex-husband Jon because she wants money. I ran it through my pea-sized brain why else it could be, but, no, it's just money. Whatever that dipshit has left from paying child support for eight kids, she wants it. So about two cents. She claims Jon hacked into her computer and email and bank accounts to get information for a tell-all book he had written about her a year ago that nobody bought....

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thursday night headlines

JON GOSSELIN - has a tiny penis, according to his ex girlfriend, Halley Glassman. "He's hung like a nine-year-old boy. It's so tiny, tiny, tiny. (I) would laugh about it with my mom." Jon Gosselin had no comment, the beginning of 6 months without mentioning her, so that when she ends up dead he won't look like a suspect. (us.com) ANGELINA JOLIE - paid $20,000 for a 200-year-old olive tree to give to Brad Pitt for...

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everyone loves jon gosselin

Radar Online somehow got their hands on a picture of Jon Gosselins New York apartment bedroom after it had been ransacked and someone stabbed a knife into a note and stuck it to his dresser. Jon's reps have said that ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman was responsible for the carnage and that she wrote the note. Her lawyer has denied it. ...stuffing from a shredded furniture item can be seen on the floor on the right side....

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kate gosselin is single

If there's no love in your heart this Christmas because you've been holding out for a single 34-year-old woman with 8 kids, zero jobs, and a terrible attitude, Us magazine has good news. Jon and Kate Gosselin's ten-year marriage is now history.? On Wednesday an arbitrator ruled how the former spouses would divide their real estate and other assets. While most of those details remain confidential, Kate's attorney...

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friday afternoon headlines

NEW MOON - is already breaking records. The ‘Twilight' sequel made $26.3M when it opened this morning at 12:01a.m. There were so many fat girls concentrated in so few spots, the mass pulled the moon 10 miles closer to America. If there's a tidalwave, I'll get you for this, Fatties. (variety) JON GOSSELIN - entered into a secret business deal that is a clear violation of his TLC contract. This could be the, "smoking...

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thursday afternoon headlines

DAVID LETTERMAN - is now a woman. Or at least will be during the 'Law and Order' episode about a talk show host who gets blackmailed after having affairs with members of her staff. I know what you're thinking. "Wow this post got surprisingly boring considering it started out by saying ‘David Letterman is now a woman.'" Yeah sorry about that. (e! online) JON GOSSELIN - is so screwed. The law firm representing TLC in...

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dumbass is about to lose everything

On the fist of this month, Jon Gosselin and his Rent-A-Center lawyer had TLC by the balls. Jon wanted to expand on the ever desirous Jon Gosselin brand, and if TLC didn't cave, he was gonna shut down 'Jon and Kate Plus 8'. They tried to intimidate him, but he showed them who was boss, huh? Oh wait never mind. Radar says... Jon Gosselin has been raking in cash for interviews and appearances and TLC knows what he's made...

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morning headlines

KIM KARDASHIAN - will get paid 50 grand to have a birthday party (she turns 29 on Wednesday) at Tao inside the Venetian in Las Vegas. I sometimes stand outside of Tao and loudly complain on my cell phone about all the girls I've been having sex with. The "dude" I'm talking to gets it, because we're friends, and we make jokes about it. He and the rest of "my boys" will be here shortly, so I'll just hang out here until...

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afternoon headlines

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN - Over 2000 people, people with no connection to each other, from different parts of the world, all claim to have seen this man in their dreams. I would have posted this sooner, but I was hiding under my desk in a puddle of urine and jabbing espresso into my heart. (thisman.org) LINDSAY LOHAN - has to appear in court tomorrow because she's apparently failing the alcohol education course she is...read more

hahaha, you lose fatty

Last week it came out that master criminal Jon Gosselin stole $230,000. His plan was brilliant in it's simplicity. He went to the bank and took all the money he was supposed to share with his wife. Somehow, it's still not clear how, he got caught and today he was ordered to return at least 180,000 of it. TMZ says... According to Kate's lawyer, Mark Momjian, "The remaining sum of $55,000, which Ms. Gosselin used for...

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morning headlines

DAVID HASSELHOFF - spent two days in a London hospital this week after a drinking binge that lasted for days. You really have to wonder why someone would do this. Considering there's so much legal weed only an hour away by plane. (the sun) NIC CAGE - owes over 6 million dollars in back taxes. Might be a bad idea to cheat the IRS when your income is listed in a number of prominent daily Hollywood newspapers. (tmz) JON...

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