Old Crone Jennifer Aniston Gets Hitched And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Rachel from that shitty Friends show, (AKA Jennifer Aniston), married her longtime boyfriend Justin Theroux in a secret wedding. And nary a fuck was given anywhere.

Read all about her latest grab for relevance. (TMZ)

Berit Birkeland shows off her topless tits in a pool. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Enjoy Stella Maxwell’s dirty dirty nipples. (Drunken Stepfather)

Can you tell the celeb by the tits? (COED)

rosie Roff is an Instagram babe with big ‘ol titties. (Hollywood Tuna)

Josephine Skriver is all lingeried up just for you. (Popoholic)

Hot chicks, scantily clad, in beds. (The Chive)

Jennifer Aniston Savvy

By Matt January 16, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

Lady

Jennifer Aniston recently reminisced about about her ex boyfriend who died of brain cancer in 2007, Daniel McDonald. Aniston apparently thinks she should have settled down with him posthumously, which is amazing news to the guy she is currently banging, Justin Theroux:

“He would have been the one. But I was 25 and I was stupid. He must have sent me Justin to make up for it all.”

Maybe that dude you fucked in Jamaica that one time was his way of saying thanks for dinner at Lawry’s that night he forgot his credit card. And that guy whose dick you sucked in the bathroom at the Playboy Mansion, still mad you talked him out of the Corvette. The comment struck a chord with Mujah Maraini-Melehi, who later married McDonald and probably bragged to all her friends who his ex was before it started gnawing at her. She says Aniston is exploiting the story to draw attention to herself so her menopausal breakout Cake can gain traction during award season.

She also says Aniston wasn’t around when McDonald had the cancer, because in death you hate your ex-girlfriends even more. Mujah wrote a long letter on Facebook explaining what a hypocrite Aniston is, and outlining pretty much every detail of her career and personal life in the process. I think she’s still holding onto the pain. It’s weird knowing someone you loved put his dick in such a soulless jack off. Try not to think about it. The tabloids are full of shit. Except the blessings shit Aniston said about her current boyfriend. That’s bonafide. 

Photo Credit: Facebook

Jennifer Aniston And Angelina Jolie Almost Flew On A Plane Together

By Travis August 14, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

It has been eight years since Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced so he could go about not feeling guilty over having crazy monkey sex with Angelina Jolie every day for the rest of his life, and while the star of We’re the Millers is now engaged to that other guy who isn’t nearly as famous as Brad, people still love talking about Jen’s poor, broken heart. As it turns out, Jen and Angelina were scheduled to be on the same flight from L.A. to London on Sunday night, and that would have basically been Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa rolled up into one perfect present for every website on the planet.

Unfortunately, some dick at British Airways realized what was going on and contacted Jen’s people in order to change her flight plans, unbeknownst to the actress. Although, I’m sure that once she found out, she ordered her publicist to schedule an interview with Oprah to talk about how she doesn’t want to talk about Brad anymore, because her life is all about that other guy now. The one who isn’t Brad.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Jennifer Aniston is engaged

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

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It’s been almost 9 years since Angelina Jolie replaced Nicole Kidman in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’, which is where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met which led to him divorcing Jennifer Aniston because Angelina Jolie is better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. 9 years.

And yet Aniston STILL talks about Pitt ALL the time. Or moves in next door to him. Or scouts places for her wedding (even though she’s not engaged) 10 days after he proposed to Jolie. And when she finally does get engaged, which happened Friday, it’s one day before Pitt and Jolie were rumored to get married.

So is that all a coincidence or is there a pattern? I simply don’t know, I’m not the Mentalist. What I do know is that Pitt has been dating Jolie all this time, while Aniston has dated Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, Josh Hopkins, Chris Gartin, Harry Morton, Jason Lewis, Kevin Connelly, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, and Justin Theroux. She’ll date literally anyone. Girls who marry inmates that they met online have more dignity.

no one likes Jennifer Aniston

By brendon July 08, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

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‘Friends’ went on the air in 1994, which means that Jennifer Aniston has been a big star for 17 years now, so it’s no surprise that a parade of Hollywood royalty packed the stage yesterday when Aniston was honored with a handprint ceremony at the famous Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood.

From Chelsea Handler to Jason Bateman, it was a cavalcade of her friends and co-stars spanning almost two decades in show business!

(NOTE: actually it was just Chelsea Handler and Jason Bateman, who co-stars with Aniston in ‘Horrible Bosses’, which opens today. Oh and her newly shaven boyfriend Justin Theroux was there. And universally despised director Brett Ratner, who is a producer for ‘Horrible Bosses’. But no Courteney Cox or anyone from ‘Friends’, or Jim Carey or Adam Sandler or anyone like that. Maybe they didn’t go because they assumed they’d have to carry her just like they did when they worked together, and cement is really heavy.)

Jennifer Aniston is living with her new boyfriend

By brendon June 16, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

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Jennifer Aniston has a history of driving men away because she’s psychotically clingy and desperate, but that’s all gonna change now that the guy she barely knows broke up with the girl he dated for 14 years and moved in with her.

This time is gonna be different! He’s looking to settle down, Aniston is reading this perfectly!

Jennifer Aniston and new beau Justin Theroux have already taken a bold next step.
“He’s living at her place in L.A.!” an insider tells Us Weekly. “And she’s introducing him as her boyfriend.”

Gosh, I’m surprised she hasn’t already picked out thier wedding rings, ha-ha.

The couple were spotted walking in New York City yesterday wearing matching gold rings on their wedding fingers for all to see.

Hint, hint: Aniston is nuts. One night he’s gonna wake up and she won’t be in bed, and he’ll find her in a secret room; a fully furnished nursery that he never knew was there. And she’ll be in a rocking chair, holding a doll wrapped in blankets and singing lullabies to it. Jesus Christ, how many signs does this guy need.

(below is Heidi Bivens, the much better looking ex who got dumped for Aniston, along with Beardy McDouchbag, at various events)