Miss Utah Had A Little Trouble Last Night (VIDEO)

By Travis June 17, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

During last night’s Miss USA pageant in Las Vegas, Miss Utah Marissa Powell was asked about how women in 40 percent of American households are the primary earners, but still earn less than men, and what that says about society. Her response was something about how we need to use education to create more jobs or something like that. I think she took a nap in between sentences, too.

People are probably going to make fun of her today, but I think she should be proactive and distract us with a positive message about her mission to become a powerful role model for women everywhere. Again, I recommend nudity.


Erin Brady Is The New Miss USA

By Travis June 17, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

After all of the promotional bikini-wearing and following the preliminary bikini-wearing, a new Miss USA was finally selected in Las Vegas last night, and the girl whose life is forever altered is Erin Brady of Connecticut. Erin plans to spend her year as Donald Trump’s favorite American by raising awareness for the problems that children of addicts face in their everyday lives, as they cope with alcoholism and drug use within their families and struggle through their own social interactions in school and elsewhere.

I’m not sure what her plan is, but nudity is always a great idea.

(Photo Credit: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)

Miss USA Winners Still Naked For PETA (VIDEO)

By Travis June 14, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Yesterday, we brought you the incredibly important news that four former Miss USA winners – Shanna Moakler, Susie Castillo, Shandi Finnessey and Alyssa Campanella – took off all of their clothes and covered their breasts for PETA. A braver act we hadn’t seen in some time, that is, until PETA released a video of the four women naked, holding their breasts and suddenly animals seemed less delicious.

I’m not a genius or anything, but I’m pretty sure that if Alyssa Campanella spent her time getting naked for various global causes and charities, we’d be living in utopia by yesterday.

Miss USA Winners Almost Nude For PETA

By Lex June 13, 2013 @ 4:28 PM

Miss USA Winners Get Nude For PETA AntiFur Campaign
If these girls truly cared about animals, they’d show us their tits. You’re half in ladies? Fine. I’m skinning a mink alive tonight.

The Miss USA Contestants Were In Bikinis Again

By Travis June 13, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The 2013 Miss USA Preliminary Competition took place last night at the PH Live at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, as women from all 50 states and the District of Columbia started competing for the honor of eventually being contestants on Celebrity Apprentice.

I don’t know much about any of these girls other than the assumption that they’re all pretty young and looking to get into the entertainment industry, but I do know that the Miss USA pageant is a very exciting affair. After all, it’s the one night of the year that people will say, “Great job, Florida!” and mean it.

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)

Hello, 2013 Miss USA Contestants

By Travis June 07, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Say what you want about Donald Trump – he’s an egomaniacal monster with hair that was scraped off the floor of an animal kill shelter or he’s a brilliant social troll who knows how to keep his name relevant my pushing the buttons of easily enraged buffoons for the sake of his stale TV show – but without him and his love for hot, young women, we wouldn’t have the Miss USA pageant to pretend to care about each year.

And Trump doesn’t need to send his girls on goodwill tours or have them perform shows for people, not when they have bikinis and Las Vegas pools at their disposal, as they did yesterday when they showed up at the GO Pool inside the Flamingo Hotel and Casino. Sure, they probably all have at least pink eye now, but still… how the hell are ya, Miss Nevada?

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)