MTV quite brazenly turns a buck on the backs of fucked up kids. That seems particularly crass considering we live in a time when neighbors shame march around homes where parents have the gall discipline their kids with spankings. In their latest quest to milk ad dollars from the distressed and the distasteful, MTV is bringing back Anal Teen Mom and her little kindergarten aged girl to watch mom swear and get wasted and confront her pornographic career choices. They’re also going to focus on some other Teen Mom show alums who aren’t yet imprisoned or successful in their suicide attempts.
As part of the hook, MTV is going to show the hard work the production crew undertakes to create bogus reality programming. The behind the scenes stuff is also faked, so it’s a multi-layered forgery that ultimately spirals into a feces shaped Scandinavian ring cake. I want to punch everybody involved. Maybe beat them with pillow cases filled with rolled up socks so they bleed internally while I watch naked girls on HBO Latino. I don’t know why that channel comes in on my set, but I’m certain the scruffy muffin tops are adults and making their own poor decisions. If they were five, I’d turn it off.
The MTV Music Video Awards will air on August 25, and according to this new promo, Maxim’s hottest woman, Miley Cyrus, is probably going to show up and perform her huge hit, “We Can’t Stop.” Or maybe she’s just going to stand around and twerk while all of the other presenters and performers come to the stage and pretend that anyone has watched an actual music video other than Robin Thicke’s nudity-filled “Blurred Lines” this year.
Either way, I’ve never been so excited to see the subway car arrive in my entire life.
America teenagers are really stupid (See: the success of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber) and MTV is run by people who are very good at taking advantage of that stupidity. So despite the fact that no intelligent adult has watched the MTV Movie Awards in at least 10 years, the network confidently announced the nominees yesterday of its annual celebration of actors who will show up to anything.
In case you needed a reminder that the MTV Movie Awards cater to the lowest common denominator, here is an actual clip from the network’s press release:
Keeping with the show’s tradition of celebrating current cultural memes, this year’s telecast will introduce two new categories. Abdominally blessed nominees Channing Tatum (Magic Mike), Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2), Daniel Craig (Skyfall) and Christian Bale (The Dark Knight Rises) will sweat it out against fan-favorite stuffed bear Seth MacFarlane as Ted for the crown of “Best Shirtless Performance”…
Best Shirtless Moments. Four guys. Shit’s weak, MTV.
If it wanted to attract more viewers – specifically males – MTV would give Olivia Wilde a lifetime achievement award every year and then just show her stripping and lesbian scene with Ashley Greene in Butter for two hours.
It’s possible this fancy gentleman was offended by a young lady wearing a hat indoors, and in this clip he’s saying, “Madam please remove your hat” in accordance with Jim Nortons Hat Removal Service, but more likely is WHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT!
MTV is getting tons of very justified criticism for their new show “Jersey Shore”, and not just from groups offended by what they consider Italian stereotypes, but because of the preview clip during the closing credits showing female castmate Snookie getting punched in the face. Hard.
Domino’s Pizza has already pulled their ads from the show, and others are threatening to do the same. I’m no PC homo but it’s sort of amazing they would show a clip of a girl getting punched in the face. Although to be fair to the dude I wanted to at least smack her in the head and I was barely even paying attention.