All the weird and unpopular teen girls who write fan fiction about Edward Cullen dreamily showing up in Biology one day and realizing they’re not ordinary, they’re special and amazing, need to put their dreams on hold, because he’s now admitted for the first time that Kristin Stewart is the girl he pretends to date so people won’t think he’s gay. The Sun says…
The mystery of their relationship status has been driving fans of the vampire saga loopy.
The pair at first went to ludicrous lengths to avoid being seen together by devoted fans.
“It is extremely difficult but we are together, yes.
“We can’t arrive at the same time because of the fans. It goes crazy. This was supposed to be a public appearance as a couple but it’s impossible. We are here together and it’s a public event but it’s not easy.
“We have to do all this stuff to avoid attention.”
I really don’t get this girls appeal, even as a pretend girlfriend. She’s not ugly but she’s not pretty either. She’s like the girl at the beginning of commercials who uses the wrong shampoo or can’t do a sit up. On every picture she’s ever taken, it looks like a red X is gonna be stamped over her at any second.
Here are finally the pictures from Details that made news last week when Robert Pattinson went public about the nightmarish hell he suffered through during the photo shoot, and explained that the scars are still with him.
“I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours…Thank God I was hungover.”
If this guy isn’t gay, he’s certainly putting on a convincing act. If he is he should just admit it. No one cares. Things are different now. It’s like the world has taken a wonderful pill, filled with a medicine called love.
THE BRITTANY MURPHY FOUNDATION - has been shut down. The charity started by her ex-husband never filed for charity status, meaning he could spend the money however he wanted. Calling this a charity is the most deceptive name since “glory hole”. (wonderwall)
TIGER WOODS - allegedly got his porn star girlfriend pregnant. Twice. Once she had an abortion, and the other time she had a miscarriage after the baby fell out of her cavernous, porn-star sized vagina. (times of london)
ROBERT PATTINSON - tells Details magazine, “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vaginas.” Hopefully this mean he’s gay. In fact if every guy better looking than me would go gay, that would be terrific. (popeater)
AMANDA BYNES - has gone black. On twitter she wrote that she prefers chocolate to vanilla, possibly alluding to Kid Cudi. Although she’s never admitted to dating him. Is she worried about being black balled? If so that would be ironic. (huffington post)
CHARLOTTE CHURCH - better not try to fly Southwest. (source of her this weekend in Dubai = flynet)
These pictures of Robert Pattinson, getting mobbed by fans on the streets of NYC on the way to the set of Remember Me, sure do bring back memories. I’ve been in the middle of this same kind of thing. And by that I mean I was one of the ones mobbing him. I was hoping to steal a smooch in all the commotion. More like Robert Hot-inson, am I right!
(11 more pics = here. hq jump = here. image source = splash. I do feel compelled to mention that he seems pretty cool about all this. I doubt Jessica Alba would still be smiling and posing for fan pics if you just dry-humped her down the street. At best I’ve seen 90 seconds of Twilight but he seemed okay. Him, Shia, James Marsden, Timothy Olyphant. I could deal with that for the next ten years or so. Actually Olyphant better be a big star because that dude is cool. And a good actor. You could saw Mark Wahlberg in half and he couldn’t even act like he was dying, yet he makes 800m a year while no one even knows how to say Olyphants name. Go fuck yourself, Hollywood.)
The print edition of Us magazine says that inexplicably popular "Twilight" star Robert Pattison was at the Improv in Hollywood when the comedian on stage made a joke about the death of Heath Ledger. Pattinson then yelled out, "fuck you, you suck". Because he was so offended. As am I. Not because of a Heath Ledger joke, but because the joke was so hacky and predictable.
“[He] booed a comic who said, “Here’s my impression of Heath Ledger,” then he collapsed and began faking convulsions. “Robert and his friend went nuts yelling at him, “ the source said.
“The comic didn’t know who it was, but I’m sure he found out later!”
Oooohhhh, did he really?!?!?! Did he really find out it was THE Robert Pattinson?!?!?!? OMG, he must be scared to death, his career will be ruined, he crossed paths with the most amazing and powerful man in the world!?!?! Luckily for him Pattinson will be too stoned to remember any of this. Because he’s clearly high as fuck every single day of his life. When you see pictures of this guy, all that’s missing is some wiggly stink lines above his head and X’s for eyes.
Just yesterday I was telling my lover that Twilight is gonna be a huge disappointment because I never even heard of that shit two months ago and now people are saying the movies will be the next Harry Potter, even though it looks retarded and poorly made and the lead actor guy is clearly ugly despite what the squealing of preteen girls may lead you to believe. But apparently the whole world knows something I don’t. USA Today says…
According to online movie ticket seller Fandango, Twilight is accounting for nearly two-thirds of ticket sales, and more than 100 shows have sold out for the movie's Nov. 21 premiere. The James Bond movie Quantum of Solace, meanwhile, is accounting for only 6%, even though the movie comes out in eight days. That doesn't mean Solace won't still win the box office battle when all is said and done, but those are the kinds of numbers that can leave even steel-nerved spies a little shaken and stirred.
Oh zing! "Shaken and stirred", they said. Just like in the movie! Oh USA Today, just when I think you’re out of retarded cutesy references, you deliver once again. Or should I say, DIE-liver once again!
Wait that didn’t make any sense. God dammit.
