Scott Disick Is Fucked Up

By Matt October 14, 2014 @ 6:31 AM

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Scott Disick was seen getting black out drunk in Vegas. It’s unclear if Disick is making a spectacle of himself just for the cameras, or if the cameras 24×7 are causing him to drink. He’s found himself in a precarious situation where gargantuan amounts of self loathing would be justified, yet his status is envied by shit for brains teenagers inhabiting McMansions across the fields of  grain. To make matters worse he is forced to fight an understandable urge to curb kick all of his in-laws, acquaintances and fans. What follows is a seriously unhealthy booze regimen which serves to delay his self actualization. Unfortunately no amount of Bacardi 151 or pile of Quaaludes can obfuscate the gnawing realization that you are a the dude who cleans up the whore rooms at the cathouse. Even in your Bentley with the gold cuffs, you’re still the dude gathering up the spent condoms in the early morning hours. Bottoms up.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Scott Disick Pissed About Pregnancy

By Matt September 02, 2014 @ 6:09 AM

Kourtney Kardashian pretended to reveal to her unemployed boyfriend that she’s pregnant with their third out of wedlock child. Disick shuttered at the notion. Possibly because Kourtney asked him to shut the door so they could be in private with a camera crew. Or maybe he just did some basic math splits on what he gets after he dumps her body in the quarry. Disick ranted to a degree a sober person would find suspicious:

“This is ridiculous. It is always so sneaky with you. You need to stop lying to me…You just keep suckering me into these kids… I just kind of thought that at two we did not want to have any more kids and now I have to look after three. Just saying it is freaking me out.”

Although this pregnancy seems like a total disaster, Disick is actually doing the zygote a favor. Years later when the child has grown up to a pill popping teen with inadequacy issues, it will begin searching for answers. Most of these kids have to fly to Tampa to meet their estranged alcoholic father in the Elephant Bar for a disappointing heart to heart. This little bastard will have Youtube.

Scott Disick Was Poisoned! But Not Well Enough

By Matt July 18, 2014 @ 6:32 AM

Scott Disick

Scott Disick was admitted to a hospital last month for being a pussy who can’t hold his liquor. Disick was out getting hammered when he told his paid extra friends he thought he was roofied. Its unclear if the hospital was Disick’s idea or some producer who thought the spectacle would be slightly more interesting than watching him cry and cut his legs with a spork. He was tested for drugs but it turns out someone just put more booze in his booze. Getting alcohol poisoning when your job is basically drinking either means you have serious brain damage or you found Leaving Las Vegas inspirational. Apparently Scott hasn’t had a drink since his hospital visit. Hopefully show producers return to the idea that his suicidal boozing is a story line with great traction and order him to start downing bottles of Old Grand-Dad until his kidneys fail. At some point, ratings are going to dip and somebody on that show’s going to need to die tragically. It’s not going to be someone with tits.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kourtney Kardashian Showed Us How Douche Babies Are Made

By Travis April 07, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Ever the romantic of her family, and also the sister that didn’t become famous by getting drilled by Ray J on camera or drive her husband to ruin his NBA career because he just loved crack too much, Kourtney Kardashian recently shared a photo of her and Scott Disick in their younger days. The quietest of the Kardashian sisters described this classy and romantic image of her and Scott with the message “crazy in love,” which is just so inspiring and adorable to see from two people so strangely famous for not doing anything noteworthy in their lives. Meanwhile, Scott probably described that photo as the time he “got his dick ruined while rocking a pretty epic pair of cargo shorts,” because he’s Lord Disick now, and not at all a clueless, narcissistic douchebag anymore.

Photo Credit: Kourtney Kardashian’s Instagram

People Who Shouldn’t Be Famous Don’t Look Happy About Being Famous

By Travis February 25, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Scott Disick is famous because he’s the boyfriend of one of the sisters of a girl who fucked a nobody on camera, and because he knocked her up a couple times, he has secured some good face time on their bullshit reality show. If he wasn’t with Kourtney Kardashian, he’d just be another guy who dresses like a rich dick because he actually thinks that he’s the real life Patrick Bateman. When people like these two act like they don’t want cameras in their faces, as if they actually detest the constant attention and fame, it’s a total crock of shit, because if these photographers weren’t at the airport to harass Scott and Kourtney, they’d have Kris Jenner on the phone, raising hell to everyone who would listen. Why is the most ambitious photographer attacking Sam Worthington’s girlfriend when these two could use a good foot to the shin and more?

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Scott Disick Covers Khloe Kardashian in Singles

By Lex November 22, 2013 @ 4:06 PM

Scott Disick Posts A Photo Of Himself Next To Khloe Kardashian Covered In Singles To Instagram
Looks like Khloe won her bet with Scott Disick that she could lose the weight of a Mack Truck cab in six months. Surprisingly, it doesn’t even show. She was mostly carrying it in her shoulders. Buried there in singles, for one shining moment, Khloe got to know what it feels like to really be wanted by Lamar Odom. You might be asking yourself how Scott Disick can afford to throw around large quantities of cash given that he’s apparently never held a job in his life. According to the mostly reliable Celebrity Net Worth, Disick’s worth $12 million for banging a couple babies into Kourtney Kardashian and drinking champagne. Now, you can start thinking about killing yourself because this world is not getting any fairer.

Photo Credit: Scott Disick/Instagram