Kardashians Paying Scott Disick $20 Million to STFU

By Lex October 09, 2015 @ 11:52 AM


In the category of biggest winning loser, not many can compete with Scott Disick. This lounge-about drunk has done nothing with his life but fuck and vacation his way into some serious cash. It’s a great gig if you can get it. Disick earned upwards of fifteen million playing the role of hard drinking but lovable scoundrel baby daddy to Kourtney Kardashian for several years on their aborted family fetus highlight reel on E!. Now, the fucked up first family is putting together a package of $20 million in blood diamonds to get him to sign a forever binding shut the fuck up NDA. The document would compel Disisck to reply to questions about anything Kardashian with either ‘OMG, what a great family! or ‘I’m positive the missing charity money went to a good cause’.

Given how much is already known about this whore clan, it’s hard to imagine what could be worth a small fortune to keep buried in the closet. Disick does have what no other gone clear ex-cult member possesses. Stories about the supremely fake and staged lives of the Kardashian monied midgets and the legitimacy among their same fan base to blow it up something fierce. If they didn’t fear his tell-all, they wouldn’t be filling Gucci bags with cash for the drop. The only hope is he gets so fucked up on rum and rum he forgets that being rich is far better than being honest. If Disick isn’t at least a U.S. Senator by 2020, I’d be surprised.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Scott Disick Banging 18-Year Old Lindsay Vrckovnik

By Lex October 05, 2015 @ 7:19 AM

Scott Disick Moves On With  Lindsay Vrckovnik
There are any number of ways to get over a breakup. But nothing’s proven more effective than fucking the living tar out of a Canadian model just out of high school. There’s getting back on the wagon and then there’s pounding your cock into every orifice of that wagon because she thinks you’re a real somebody and you promised to make her famous. Scott Disick has led a charmed life. A snowboarding bum who got himself into some Kardashian pussy when the opportunities were still on the ground floor. He walks away famous and rich for doing absolutely nothing. He didn’t even have to fuck a rapper. You can’t wipe that shit eating grin off his face because it’s all he has left. Fucker. Take me with you.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Scott Disick Melancholy

By Matt July 27, 2015 @ 6:09 AM


Scott Disick did a club appearance in Calgary and looked kind of bummed that he was receiving fifty thousand dollars to stand around and get wasted and probably bang those two whores. You have one job. Show up, smile, get drunk, have an anxiety ridden hangover and cancel a flight while crying after having decided to move to Alberta and raise alpacas while you’re scratching at the blisters on your dick. Rarely would I advocate punching strangers, but this fucker is asking for it. It’s unclear why any club would pay a wet blanket with no discernible skill set to hang around but it’s supply and demand and even Canada has their share of fucking retards who like to point at bearded clowns and try to suck the ill begotten fame out of them. We’re all getting very sick of this. Please fall off a balcony soon. Failing that, run the bath.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kourtney Kardashian Dumps Disick

By Lex July 06, 2015 @ 12:32 PM


Sometimes you need to make numerous babies with an unemployed alcoholic before you can size up his boyfriend viability. Kourtney Kardashian had to know there was something wrong with Scott Disick the first time she realized he wasn’t black and his dick wasn’t painfully pressing up against her small intestine during intercourse. She could’ve asked her sisters. Now the eldest Kardashian midget whore has told her long time boyfriend to take his $12 million in net worth from the show and take a hike. Kourtney will finally have a tear filled storyline to A-block the show. Disick will move to a swank condo in Aspen and drunk fuck hot chicks who believe he’s really going to pass their demos on to Kanye. Usually breakups with little kids involve lots of pain and suffering. In this case, they’ll be able to limit the immense downside to just the children. Huzzah.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Scott Disick Is Fucked Up

By Matt October 14, 2014 @ 6:31 AM


Scott Disick was seen getting black out drunk in Vegas. It’s unclear if Disick is making a spectacle of himself just for the cameras, or if the cameras 24×7 are causing him to drink. He’s found himself in a precarious situation where gargantuan amounts of self loathing would be justified, yet his status is envied by shit for brains teenagers inhabiting McMansions across the fields of  grain. To make matters worse he is forced to fight an understandable urge to curb kick all of his in-laws, acquaintances and fans. What follows is a seriously unhealthy booze regimen which serves to delay his self actualization. Unfortunately no amount of Bacardi 151 or pile of Quaaludes can obfuscate the gnawing realization that you are a the dude who cleans up the whore rooms at the cathouse. Even in your Bentley with the gold cuffs, you’re still the dude gathering up the spent condoms in the early morning hours. Bottoms up.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Scott Disick Pissed About Pregnancy

By Matt September 02, 2014 @ 6:09 AM

Kourtney Kardashian pretended to reveal to her unemployed boyfriend that she’s pregnant with their third out of wedlock child. Disick shuttered at the notion. Possibly because Kourtney asked him to shut the door so they could be in private with a camera crew. Or maybe he just did some basic math splits on what he gets after he dumps her body in the quarry. Disick ranted to a degree a sober person would find suspicious:

“This is ridiculous. It is always so sneaky with you. You need to stop lying to me…You just keep suckering me into these kids… I just kind of thought that at two we did not want to have any more kids and now I have to look after three. Just saying it is freaking me out.”

Although this pregnancy seems like a total disaster, Disick is actually doing the zygote a favor. Years later when the child has grown up to a pill popping teen with inadequacy issues, it will begin searching for answers. Most of these kids have to fly to Tampa to meet their estranged alcoholic father in the Elephant Bar for a disappointing heart to heart. This little bastard will have Youtube.