Once people figured that The Canyons was not going to be some remarkable Paul Schrader comeback film, but just a pile of directorial off-smelling spunk, all anybody cared about was whether or not Lindsay Lohan was going to show her tits. She does. Lots of them. Not quite as big as her recent out-of-rehab grandmotherly choke hold tits, but still an impressive offering. You can see Lindsay Lohan tits HERE. I can’t show you her bare nipples on here or NASA disintegrates my apartment with a laser from space or something like that. I believe pretty much whatever anybody tells me. That thing they told me about The Canyons sucking but Lindsay shows her tits a bunch did seem to pan out.
The Canyons is being promoted as an ‘erotic thriller’, which means it’s going to suck even worse than anyone could have imagined. The movie starring Lindsay Lohan and the dude who backdoored the Teen Mom, is finally premiering in New York in a couple of weeks. Lindsay is getting out of rehab just in time to hit the red carpet of the horrid affair. Even the film director is now openly referring to Lindsay as a ‘troubled train wreck’. Paul Schrader said of Lindsay:
Lohan “feels she must be experiencing an emotion in order to play it. This leads to all sorts of emotional turmoil, not to mention on-set delays and melodrama”.
I assume he means she needed to feel the emotion of ‘super fucking high’ and ‘wicked drunk and wet in her horny parts’ in order to play her role. If Schrader ever visited her off set he’d know this is not really an acting process for Lindsay so much as just a Tuesday.
ANGELINA JOLIE – might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life)
BEYONCE – lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her ‘Destinys Child’ bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and the enormity of the moment. Also because Beyonce sucks and needs everything filtered through a super computer that could make Stephen Hawking sound like Michael Crawford. (fox news)
‘THE CANYONS’ – has now been rejected by the Sundance Film Festival and SXSW, meaning that even the promise of Lindsay Lohan doing fully naked sex scenes can’t get them a release date. Maybe they should change their approach and say Lindsay isn’t naked after all, and you never see her saggy freckled tits even once, and replacing all her scenes with this Kate Upton gif. (hollywood reporter)
GREGORY MATTHEW BRUNI – was arrested in North Fort Myers, Florida, for taking his clothes off, breaking into a strangers home, masturbating, and taking a shit on the floor twice. Of course if the cops could explain how he’s supposed to masturbate and shit on the floor with his clothes on, I’d love to hear it. (huff post)
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY – is hot. I think. Or maybe not. Sometimes, like here, she looks great, but in real life it’s hard to tell. Especially since she got new drapes. What are those fucking things, lead? (marks and spencer lingerie photoshoot spring 2013)
As you may have heard by now, Lindsay Lohan is an immature and selfish cunt who still deludes herself into thinking she’s a respected actress. The NY Times said her attitude got even worse on the set of ‘the Canyons’ when she had to film a sex scene and show her tits (which of course is the only reason anyone would hire her), and now co-star James Deen tells the Daily Beast the exact same thing.
(NOTE: his answer is kinda long but worth it because at the end Lindsay demands the same respect the crew would give Julia Roberts and they tell her to go fuck herself. Also there’s pictures of a girl with really big tits)