Kate Middleton Is Having A Girl

By Travis March 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The Royal Family does absolutely nothing when it comes to running the United Kingdom, but they have a shit ton of money, so they get to pretend that crowns and robes still mean something over there. English people eat it up, too, because if Prince William was just Bill the accountant he’d probably have to pay for sex, even with a girl like Kate Middleton, who on her best days is a solid 7.

But since William is a wealthy prince, he doesn’t wear condoms and was able to knock Kate up, and that shit is like soap operas on PCP to people over there. Especially this woman. So imagine how excited they were when Kate accidentally spilled the beans on the gender of the Royal Baby.

Sandra Cook, 67, was among the 2,000 wellwishers who greeted the Duchess on her visit to Grimsby.

She told the Mail: ‘The lady next to me gave her a teddy bear and I distinctly heard her say “Thank you, I will take that for my d….”.

‘Then she stopped herself. I leant over and said to her: “You were going to say daughter, weren’t you?” She said: “No, we don’t know!” I said: “Oh, I think you do” to which she replied: “We’re not telling!” (Daily Mail)

And then Sandra was struck in the neck by a poison-tipped dart and fed to the Queen’s diseased orphan slaves in the dungeons beneath Buckingham Palace.

True or not, Pippa is still the more interesting Middleton sister, because she is single, has been known to party topless and any girl whose sister is the Duchess of Cambridge has to have really low self-esteem, which means A+ BJs, fellas.

wwtdd

(8) Comments

  1. RangerLG 03/06/2013 11:01

    I speak for the majority when I say, “WHO THE FUCK CARES!”

  2. CommdoreNutt 03/06/2013 11:55

    I agree. Also, just stop it with all the serial commas, too, because it is impossible to read when you do that and, I think, you don’t want to drive off any more readers. Also this isn’t funny blah blah blah.

  3. Canadian 03/06/2013 12:07

    I agree with Ranger. Like I give a shit.

  4. gkline 03/06/2013 12:17

    Almost every time you have an opportunity to inject humor, you say something incredibly stupid instead…like this>>>>>But since William is a wealthy prince, he doesn’t wear condoms.

  5. Lick-it 03/06/2013 12:30

    FACT #2……….Limeys love buggery….so the shock here is that she’s preggo…..not that her homo husband doesn’t wear a condom…….

    but before we get to Fact #2……..

    FACT #1 : RangerLG @ 11:01…..

  6. TheGirlRye 03/06/2013 13:28

    I think you missed an opportunity to make fun of Cook who couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut.

  7. Al Bundy 03/06/2013 13:36

    >And then Sandra was struck in the neck by a poison-tipped dart and fed to the Queen’s diseased orphan slaves in the dungeons beneath Buckingham Palace.<

    Your post should have been just the story, and then this response.

    It would have been the very first Brendon-like post.

  8. WWTDDsux 03/06/2013 14:25

    How is this even being published here?? What would Tyler Durdan do? He’d probably drop kick all you lame asshole “bloggers” into another dimension for ruining this site.

    What a fucking disgrace this place has become.

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