Kate Middleton Topless Pictures Lawsuit Nets $100K

September 6, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The British royals had asked for $1.5 million in legal claims against a French magazine which ran NSFW voyeuristic topless photos of Kate Middleton’s pancake breasts in 2012. European laws regarding telescopic lens photography of chicks on vacation are far more Draconian than in the U.S. 

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French Going to Imprison Magazine Publishers for Topless Kate Middleton Photos

January 7, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The U.S. has always been generous to its celebrities in unofficial ways. Before cellphone videos and TMZ you could snort and rape and drive drunk or kill people occasionally and the authorities would look the other way.

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Kate Middleton Has Some Nasty Dogs

April 12, 2016 | celebrity | josh-j| 0 Comments

Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton and the bald guy she married because he’s worth billions visited India. India used to be a colonial territory in the British Empire until Indians realized fighting British guys isn’t super hard. The royal couple removed their shoes for a tour of the Gandhi museum. Ghandi didn’t eat for five years. The least […]

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I’m Already Sick of the New Royal Baby

May 4, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

In a battle for tard supremacy, men breathlessly awaiting Mayweather-Pacquiao versus women unable to pass their bowels until the next baby is born to the British royal family. This one won’t even become fake ruler of the small cross-dressing remainder of the empire. I wouldn’t judge the British people for their love of their recessive gene royal […]

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Beyonce and Jay Z Greet the Future King and Queen of England

December 10, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The royals of England came and met with the Beyonce and Jay Z to discuss such things as how best to garage your fleet of Bentleys during the snowy season and a brief but telling trivia contest on how little each knew about the current whereabouts of their children. The meeting itself court-side at the Brooklyn […]

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Kate Middleton Bare Ass Sparks German Aggression

May 27, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You can’t just run a photo montage in Deutschland’s leading cultural magazine comparing Kate Middleton’s bare ass to various Kardashian sister ass and not expect some kind of 007 style response. Kate Middleton is the best looking royal by a margin of infinity times one hundred goofy ears, receding hair lines, and inbred physical impediments. […]

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Kate Middleton Plays Volleyball

October 21, 2013 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian forced her baby out of her womb several weeks early to make sure her delivery news cycle did not get lost in the far more beloved Kate Middleton royal birth. This left Kim a full month head start to battle her fatty genetic destiny through Dunkin Donuts iced-coffee colonics and traditional starvation. But […]

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Prince George’s Nursery Will Be Africa Themed

August 22, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

The nursery of the future king of England will have an Africa theme, because of course. You know Africa, that continent his family brutally subjugated up until a few decades ago. Apparently his dad, prince receding hairline, just loooooves Africa. It’s so, like, quaint and stuff with their crushing poverty and AIDS epidemic. Poverty, btw, […]

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The Royals Name Their Baby: George

July 25, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Here’s what I know about baby names. The more wacky the baby name, the more the parents want attention for themselves. That’s why celebrities keep giving their kids stupid names. Like North West. It’s a big ‘hey, look at us and our wild baby names’. They could give a shit about how badly that kid […]

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Prince William and Kate Middleton Produce a Male Heir

July 23, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know much about English royalty, but I think this birth means Kate Middleton now gets to live. Even when Prince William starts having sex with his homely cousins to whom he is naturally attracted, Kate will be protected from the guillotine by right of birthing a future king. For their part, the Brits […]

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