Jamie Foxx And Katie Holmes On The DL

According to a report by Radar Online, Katy Holmes and Jamie Foxx have been sneaking around together because her divorce settlement with her gay husband prevents her from publicly dating anyone for five years. This report seems dubious. Contracts which infringe on someone’s basic rights aren’t usually valid. You can’t have someone sign a contract that lets you pistol whip them twice a day.

Still, this is no typical situation. Holmes agreed to marry Cruise for a set period of time to rehabilitate his image and divorced him immediately upon serving the time. Cruise reportedly has no relationship with the children, probably because they aren’t his. Complicating matters, Foxx is most likely a homosexual. It’s tempting to say she has a type but Cruise and Foxx don’t share much in common besides their affinity for cock. No doubt she’s embroiled in an underground trade where she offers her services as a professional beard in exchange for minor speaking roles.

Holmes also knows a lot of secrets and probably sleeps poorly at night. I’d hire additional security. It’s also possible that her and Jamie Foxx are madly in love and enjoy the naughty feeling of having their little trysts remain under the table. Unfortunately when you look into her eyes she’s clearly dead inside so that’s probably not the case. We may have found the next Spotlight. 

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