Cher is 67-years old. Yet there she was last night on The Voice finale dressed like a stripper in Thunderdome. I’m not trying to say that a woman her age can’t still perform live music and be a good entertainer, but know your audience, Cher. Do you think that if dance music fans have a choice between watching the woman three years shy of 70 or Paris Hilton perform they’ll pick the former?
Trick question – they fire a ton of napalm on the venue and get their faces carved on Mount Rushmore.
For some inane reason, Serena Williams felt obliged in the midst of a sports interview to comment on the Steubenville rape case. Maybe being an Amazonian woman who can bench press three tractors makes you less sympathetic to the plight of weaker girls, but Serena blurted out some ‘real feelings’ that sort of seemed to blame the high school girl who was passed out and got raped by the football team. She even questioned the intact state of her hymen. That doesn’t seem like such a smart idea.
She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”
She’ll probably clarify her comments now that they’re out, issue some apology, and she probably never meant it to come out like that in the first place. Still, any half-witted man knows when anything to do with sexual assault comes up you shake your head and say ‘that’s horrible’, and then shut your fucking mouth. There’s no upside to commenting.
The best moments on Jimmy Kimmel Live are when the host sends a fake reporter out to humiliate random people by asking them questions about things that aren’t true and watching them lie their asses off. His ridiculous celebrity music videos aren’t bad either, like “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck”, and last night Kimmel introduced, “Channing All Over Your Tatum”, prior to the NBA Finals.
The video stars Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Miley Cyrus, Gabourey Sidibe and Olivia Munn, and it proved that Maxim really missed a great opportunity to justify naming Miley No. 1 on the Hot 100. All they had to do was make Gabourey No. 2 on the list and none of us would have ever questioned it.
I can’t remember what J-Woww does anymore except for show up to events and show off her tits. So I looked it up. Turns out she shows up for events and shows off her tits. Usually she has that little truck stop troll hanging alongside like a diseased monkey pet. Oh, yeah, there she is. I can’t help but think if alien scouts arrived from another planet and met these two girls first, they’d lament the fact that they have no eyelids to shut when they’re trying to jizz.
Photo Credit: Getty
It’s hard to say who to root for in a showdown between teen lesbian Justin Bieber and the paparazzi that hound him everywhere he goes. It’s like you’re a North Korean train driver running off the tracks and you have to choose to run over either Dennis Rodman or The Supreme Leader during their summer picnic. Which way do you turn? Bieber and his Lollipop Guild cohort Lil Twist drove away and over some dickhead photographers foot leaving the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on Monday night. The photographer insisted on going to the hospital so he could build a better lawsuit. And while people were talking about possible hit and run charges, Bieber was cleared today by the police. As he should have been. As much as I’d love to see his little punk ass get thrown in the slammer, it needs to be for something worthy that he can tearfully regret as he gets ass-raped in the prison shower by a guy named Franc with a ‘C’. When you put contemptible people in jail for lesser charges, you never get the satisfaction deserved. Like putting O.J. in for kind of sort of robbing his own sports memorabilia. Or Al Capone on tax evasion. It’s a half-victory at best. Let’s wait for the big one. It sucks that somebody will have to get badly hurt for it, but on the bright side, maybe it’ll be Justin himself.
If you had Kaidence in the Kim Kardashian and Kanye West baby naming pool, you may just have won a $500 gift card. I’d use it quick before the child grows up to bring a hellish apocalypse upon the human race. Maybe you have a few weeks until she learns to breathe fire and teleport herself.
I know I’m starting to get a reputation. This is just like back in high school when I put out for every girl who would have me in any way possible. Only now it’s showing tit jobs. Eh, you’ve got to be known for something. Here’s a first look at Courtney Stodden getting those new DD’s of hers to up her game. Will they help her achieve success? If history teaches us anything it’s that they certainly won’t hurt. Just look how happy she looks in that wheelchair photo after surgery. This could really be the start of something great for Courtney and her grandfather husband.
Photo credit: Coleman-Rayner
Porn star Stoya was asked by the Huffington Post what her parents think about her career as one of the most well known video jizz targets out there. Her answer: “My dad is purely just angry that I ruined porn for him“. She says that whenever dad goes to Redtube for some good old fashioned fapping he loses the erection it took four Viagra and a Beta blocker to achieve when he sees an ad for his daughter’s Fleshlight. I imagine it is difficult to focus on the task at hand, (heh, heh), when you spot a clip of your little princess getting a facial from James Deen. Then again, it’s his fault she’s doing it in the first place. A well adjusted girl with a good relationship with her dad will not grow up to be double penetrated on camera for money. So, if his porn intake is hampered by his bad parenting, he has no one to blame but himself. Or I could be totally wrong, but there’s no way in hell I’m blaming her.
