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Serena Williams Seems Tender

March 25, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’d go to war with Serena Williams. Literally. Give me 300 Serenas and I could take down Persia. That’s Iran today. Maybe Iraq too. I can never remember. Either way, 300 Serena battle droids with laser firing catgut rackets... READ MORE

Serena Williams Dominates

September 10, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Serena Williams dominated yet another tennis tournament, winning the U.S. Open then crushing her vanquished opponent’s thorax between her big toe and her little piggy that stayed home. Flush with adrenaline, Serena leapt from center court in Queens to... READ MORE

Serena Williams Is Holy Crap

August 27, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Fresh out of the Jaeger factory in Hong Kong island sector, Serena Williams looks pretty fucking ready to not only win the U.S. Open, but tear the heads off of her opponents, rampage through the stands at Flushing Meadows,... READ MORE

Serena Williams Has Been Defeated; You May Now Return to Your Homes

July 2, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

To fight monsters, we built monsters. Well, we didn’t. But the Germans did. Sabine Lisicki. She felled the beast in relatively easy fashion by tiring out the older Serena’s legs by moving her all over the court throughout. I... READ MORE

Hey, Rape Victim, It’s Me, Serena

June 21, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You know what I bet. I bet when you’re the victim of a famous gang rape that grips the national media, you’re hoping and praying that your story can linger in the press for as long as humanly possible.... READ MORE

Serena Williams Broad Shoulders Have No Room For Rape Victims

June 19, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

For some inane reason, Serena Williams felt obliged in the midst of a sports interview to comment on the Steubenville rape case. Maybe being an Amazonian woman who can bench press three tractors makes you less sympathetic to the... READ MORE

Serena Williams In A Bikini

June 18, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

If you’re picking sides for co-ed beach football, I’d trade up my first round pick to acquire Serena Williams. She’s built like an interior lineman but plays like a safety. That’s the kind of lovely gal you can build... READ MORE

Serena Williams Can Not Be Stopped

June 11, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Like Cloverfield. It’s just a question of when she makes landfall. Jesus, look at those fucking gill muscles. I’m happy that Serena won the French Open. I hope she kills me last. Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin READ MORE

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