megan has come to brighten the day

By brendon March 23, 2009 @ 3:45 AM

On one hand being a paparazzi must suck because you spend 19 hours in a car waiting for Jessica Alba to get her mail and peeing on your self because peeing in a cup while sitting down is practically impossible and it turns out you pee a lot more than you think you do and the cup never holds all of it.  

On the other hand, you’re allowed to brazenly point your camera at a girls tits and take pictures of it.  I didn’t crop this.  That's how it came.  That stuff is normally illegal.  Dispatch will send police for a possible “Public Nuisance” or “Trespassing”, maybe even “Prowler” or “Disturbance by a Mental Person”.  Those will go over the radio as a 507, 602, 11-7 and 10-103m.  It’s not important why I know that.  Don’t worry about it.  You need to mind your own business buddy.

(image source of megan saturday in west hollywood = fame and wenn)

morning headlines

By brendon March 23, 2009 @ 3:00 AM

BOX OFFICE – “Knowing” beat “I Love You Man” and “Duplicity” to open at number one this weekend.  They made 24.8, 18 and 14.4 million.  It’s thought “Love” was hurt by the NCAA basketball tournament, because they share a similar audience, whereas optimistic Nic Cage fans are stuck in 2002, and the winner of that NCAA tournament has already been decided.  (la times)

PARIS HILTON – she’s reportedly giving up drinking and even picked out a room as a nursery, all part of her plan to have kids.  Presumably with Doug Reinhardt, who some say is ready to propose after dating her for one month.  That hissing popping sound you hear right now is a robot arriving from the future, sent back to kill her, save us.  (source = sun uk and insider)

NATASHA RICHARDSON – it was appropriately cold, dark and gloomy as Natasha was laid to rest yesterday in upstate New York.  Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort), Timothy Dalton, Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep, Holly Hunter and Alan Rickman (Snape) were a few to pay their respects.  Is this a bad time to ask when Uma get so fat?   (source = splash and pacific coast)

matthew nolan killed a guy

By brendon March 22, 2009 @ 1:40 PM

Most people know that Christopher Nolan directed and co-wrote “The Dark Knight”, “Batman Begins” and “the Prestige”, and that his brother Jonathon co-wrote Knight, Prestige and “Terminator: Salvation”, but the eldest Nolan brother is a wanted man as well.  In Costa Rica.  Because two years ago he and an accomplice kidnapped and tortured a man then executed him when his family wouldn’t pay the ransom.  E! says…

Matthew Nolan has been arrested by the FBI in Chicago and is awaiting extradition to Costa Rica to face murder and kidnapping charges.
According to the FBI, Nolan concocted a Joker-worthy plot to lure the victim, Robert Cohen, to a hotel by pretending to be a multimillionaire jewel merchant hoping to do a business deal. Instead, Nolan intended to recoup $7 million Cohen owed another Florida man. Nolan and an accomplice allegedly held Cohen ransom in hopes of extracting the money, but when the family failed to meet their demands, they killed him.

I’m a little disappointed that E! only managed to cram two cutesy Batman references into the story about someones torture and execution.  The Hollywood Reporter would have been able to get at least ten into that same story.  Like this but way better:

Matthew Nolan is facing some “dark nights” of his own after being arrested by the FBI in the real life Gotham for kidnapping, extortion and aggravated homicide.  Why so serious?  Well because in 2006 Nolan lured a man named Robert Cohen to a hotel in Costa Rica by pretending to be a wealthy businessman interested in real estate (hmm, not looking for caves, are you Mr. Nolan!).  Cohen thought they were partners, but Nolan just ended up “Robin” him!  Then he and an accomplice kidnapped Cohen, starved, beat and tortured him for 4 days while awaiting a 7 million dollar ransom.  Hey, we thought Harvey Dent was the biggest Two-Face in town! 
Cohens family must have been “batty”, because they refused to pay the ransom.  So Nolans accomplice tortured him for 11 hours before killing him and throwing his corpse in a river.  11 hours?  Ouch!  Sounds like Mr. Cohen put up quite a BAT-tle!
The FBI says Cohens body was found under a bridge in Costa Rica.  An autopsy revealed that the victim had been tortured and then crushed with a concrete slab.  Yikes!  What a bat-astrophe!  I bet that’s not what you had in mind when you teamed up with Hollywood royalty Mr. Cohen!

The Reporter and Post and ET could still get more in there.  They’ll definitely have something about “no joker” or “jokers up”, something like that.  Or the “real riddle is why he…” something.  I don’t quite have it, but you can bet their's will be terrific.

bruce willis got married

By brendon March 22, 2009 @ 12:12 PM

Bruce Willis married his girlfriend Emma Heming yesterday at his vacation home in the Turks and Caicos islands.  E! News says…

(Willis), 54, and the 32-year-old British model met through friends and began dating last year.  Guests at the Caribbean wedding included Willis' ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher.  (Willis and Demi’s) three daughters, Rumer, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallulah, 15, also attended the wedding.

In honor of this blessed event, I pulled some random modeling and bikini pictures of her, and brightened some from the “Leatherheads” premier so you can kind of see her tits.  I'm quite the fancy gentleman.

just stop right now

By brendon March 21, 2009 @ 10:15 AM

Hayden Panettiere hit up Eva Longorias restaurant last night, and she should go back home and never come out again because this is the best she’ll ever look.  She had breasts somehow, just like a girl does.  But then she was lead away by some mysterious cloaked hand into the darkness of the night  (bye hayden).  I assume she’s still alive.  At least she didn’t go skiing and fall gently into soft wet snow.  Canadian resorts tell me that fluffy soft snow is Natures Loaded Gun!

(image source = splash and pacific coast)

saturday headlines

By brendon March 21, 2009 @ 8:31 AM

METALLICA – in a club that held little more than two thousand people. Metallica played a surprise one-hour show at the SXSW festival in Austin last night.  Lead singer James Hetfield said, "Here is the grass roots. Here is the basis of why we like music. Artists getting up in front of 2,100 people and giving it what they got."  And don't forget Austin’s fabulous shopping!  (source = ap)

NATASHA RICHARDSON – Liam Neeson, her mom Vanessa Redgrave and her sister, Joely Richardson of “Nip/Tuck”, held a wake last night in NYC.  A few hours earlier, more than 50 theaters across London's West End dimmed their lights to remember her.  The day before, Broadway had done the same.  She will be buried Sunday.  (source = BBC)

OLGA KURYLENKO -  these modeling pictures of actress Olga Kurylenko aren’t really relevant to anything, in fact they’re from 2004, but I don’t see girls in lingerie very much, so this is nice.  Normally when I stick it to some hot supermodel, they’re pretty excited so they get naked right away, and when we’re done I don’t really wait around.  They usually leave the money in an envelope by the door so I just head out.

arent there laws against this

By brendon March 20, 2009 @ 12:44 PM

It seems like forever since Kate Moss walked around London showing everyone her tits.  I think it was Tuesday.  Needless to say, last night she promptly took care of that. 

(image source = wenn)

cameron diaz is a natural beauty

By brendon March 20, 2009 @ 12:18 PM

A lot of people think that Cameron Diaz is one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, if not the world.  A lot of people have been horribly misinformed.