its jenna dewan in a bikini (plus fatty channing tatum)

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 3:56 PM

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You could teach a donkey how to scuba dive before Channing Tatum will ever deliver a line in a movie without looking and sounding like he has a concussion, so to see that he’s also kinda fat only adds to the baffling mystery of his success.

And yet here he is, enjoying life on a beach in Italy with his wife Jenna Dewan and Jeremy Renner, both of whom are too cool to be with this fatty. But in the spirit of finding something positive to say, I will admit that Tatum would do really well if there was a contest called the Faggity Necklace Wearing Championships.

(source = splash news online)

Lindsay Lohan has lesbian prison gangs lining up

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 2:11 PM

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Earlier today, some smartass at E! wrote the headline, “How Will Mel Gibson’s Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster’s Beaver?” And then Fox topped that by writing a lesbian gangbang rape headline with, “Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan.” And that was an excerpt from an article in the Sun, titled, “Everyone will want a piece of Lindsay. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking.”

Oh I know right? What a sexy day it’s been for headlines. The Sun says…

Lindsay’s A-list neighbours will be replaced with tough guards at the Lynwood correctional facility, as well as fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.
(A source said) “Everyone will want a piece of her. It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan. Or if you get her to cry, the whole ward will laugh and people will love it – even the guards.”
“The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available. So if Lindsay doesn’t want someone to grab her ass she’d better keep her shirt on straight. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

And though the source notes that she doesn’t think Lindsay will get raped, she is pretty sure her life will be an unbearable hell.

“She’ll be segregated from the general population but where she’s going it is even worse. It’s the wing where the murderers are.
“I don’t think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hardcases will try to scare her. They’ll scream stuff to her from their cells.
“I’ve been in segregation and it was rough. The lights are on the whole time. You hear people screaming all night long. The cells are filthy and kept brutally cold. You get one tiny blanket and that’s it.
“There’s an infection going around now. You can barely sleep at night from all the coughing. And there are girls with body lice.”

While I do like the idea of Lindsay crying herself to sleep at night on her tiny diseased pillow with more bacteria than stuffing, the story was way hotter when it had to do with lesbian rape. It would be the kind of police report you could jack off to.

(the picture is Lindsay in a promo for ‘Machete’. full size pic here.)

whoopi defends mel gibson

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 1:21 PM

Radar has just released a third audio clip of Mel Gibson screaming at his ex (this is the “wetback” clip. Another highlight: “You’re a f*cking mentally deprived idiot. You’re a f*cking using whore…I own you. You don’t count.”) but at least now one of his Hollywood friends is saying something in his defense.

Similar to what producer Dean Devlin said after Mels DUI and anti-Semitic comments in 2006, yesterday on ‘the View’ Whoopi Goldberg said she is friends with Mel and does not believe he’s racist.

“I don’t like what he did here, but I know Mel and I know he’s not a racist … I have had a long friendship with Mel, I just wanna make this really clear … You can say he’s being a bonehead but I can’t sit and say that he’s a racist having spent time with him in my house with my kids, I can’t say it.”

Whoopi deserves a lot of credit for being fair enough to balance her emotions with what she knows to be true. Unfortunately Joy Behar and Sherri Shepherd are still a racists dream come true, someone for them to point at and say “see?”. Seriously, do white supremacists produce this show, what in the hell are those dummies doing on TV?

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 10:29 AM

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MEL GIBSON - stars in the movie ‘The Beaver’, directed by Jodie Foster, which was supposed to be released in September. Now Foster and the studio don’t know what to do with it. I asked Gibson what he told Foster as far as an apology, and this (NSFW language) is what he told her, but that’s pretty much his answer to everything. (e online)

TRANSFORMERS 3 - is currently filming in Chicago, and new set pics reveal that there are now NASCAR Transformers too. Not for marketing purposes, just because it makes a lot of sense to hide as the most conspicuous cars on earth. (jalopnik)

PREDATORS - is getting tremendous reviews and positive word of mouth, but some fans are annoyed because this iconic shot from the trailer is not actually in the movie. In the movie, Adrien Brody is only hit by one Predator laser. Why would fans complain about this? Because their lives are fantastic. (io9)

OPIE - of the Opie and Anthony show broke the story that New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner died today, according to his exclusive MLB sources. They were the first news outlet to report this, breaking the story on air around 8:30am, while CNN picked up the story almost 90 minutes later. After that they laughed at a dancing retarded girl, though CNN has yet to confirm that story. (twitter)

SOFIA VERGARA – had too many awesome bikini pictures yesterday to put in one post, so here are some more. Also continued from yesterday: my erection that’s hard enough to chop firewood. (splash news online)

law expert lindsay “has seen ‘chicago’ several times”

By brendon July 12, 2010 @ 6:06 PM

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There’s no doubt that Lindsay Lohan is dumb enough to be declared legally dead and completely out of touch with reality, the only question is to what extent. This “insider” (aka either Dina or Ali bc Lindsay has no friends) should help clear that up.

“Lindsay has no intention of going to jail. The only thing that Lindsay did wrong was hire the wrong attorney and now she has fixed that.”
“She is paying her new lawyer a fortune to fix this mess. She doesn’t care what it takes. If Lindsay needs to start a Facebook campaign or set up protests or something like that she is totally into it. They are treating Lindsay differently because she is a star, so it’s about time she used her star power to help her. She’s seen the movie ‘Chicago’ several times, so it’s not like she doesn’t know how this sort of thing works!

First of all, Lindsay is around 2 million dollars in debt, so she’s not paying anyone to do anything. Second of all, Facebook has no legislative power so God only knows what she thinks a fan page will do. Third, everyone hates her so even if Facebook could pardon people no one would sign it. Fourth, are you god damn kidding me. ‘Chicago’? God this bitch is dumb as a rock. Still not convinced? Remember that part again about how the new attorney is gonna fix all this and keep her out of jail. Well here’s what he had to say…

“I’m concerned that she’s not disciplined or tethered enough to the reality of adult consequences. She doesn’t seem to have the awareness of what’s going to befall her … (she doesn’t) seem to understand the urgency and gravity of the situation.”

Is he hinting that Lindsay might go to jail? If so I think someone needs to go watch ‘Chicago’ some more, until he understands how things work. Lindsay has seen it several times. She’s done her homework. Maybe he can subpoena that youtube video of the kid coming back from the dentist too to prove she wasn’t high. Then address her unfair treatment and cite the case of LOL Cat vs. Cheeseburger.

sofia vergara is in a bikini too

By brendon July 12, 2010 @ 4:31 PM

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Ischia, Italy must be incredibly relaxing because Colombian supermodel and ‘Modern Family’ star Sofia Vergara was there over the weekend too, and just like Heather Graham she laid around with her legs splayed open. Of course Sofia looked better doing it because of her fantastically huge breasts that she almost never shows off anymore. If I ever had sex with her I would chop my penis off, dip it in gold and make a statue out of it.

(source = splash news online)

“You need a bat in the side of the head, how about that?”

By brendon July 12, 2010 @ 2:54 PM

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New Mel Gibson audio has been released today, featuring Mel threatening to kill or beat up his ex girlfriend several different times during the 8 minute tape, meaning either he’s a sociopath or she’s some type of hard-to-kill zombie. Highlights include…

MEL: “You need a f*cking bat in the side of the head. Alright, how about that?”
(just in case that wasn’t rhetorical, “No thank you.”)

- MEL: “I’ll put you in a f *ckin rose garden you c*nt! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?”
(I don’t think she understands yet. Maybe another dozen threatening examples would help.)

- OKSANA: “What kind of a man is that? Hitting a woman when she’s holding a child in her hands? Breaking her teeth twice in the face! What kind of man is that?”
MEL: “Oh, you’re all angry now! You know what, you f*cking deserved it!”
(maybe she was swinging the baby around by its feet.)

He gets so angry at one point he’s literally breathless. Does anyone know where this guy is, by the way? Are we safe? He’s a violent maniac with his back against the wall and a billion dollars. We should declare him an enemy of the state before he builds some sort of doomsday device.

heather graham is in a bikini, ready for her exam

By brendon July 12, 2010 @ 12:27 PM

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Heather Graham spent the weekend with her boyfriend at the beach in Ischia, Italy, and thanks to her rolling around with her legs spread this description doesn’t exactly have to be theater of the mind. Why can’t you keep your legs closed, Heather? Did you try it once and have a bad experience? I’ve seen turtles get off their back and protect their modesty faster than this.

(source = splash news online)