Ginger Spice is a good bikini model

By brendon May 11, 2011 @ 5:20 PM

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Geri Halliwell is modeling her own line of bikinis that launch this summer, and even though she’s 38 now, she’s still fantastic looking and hotter than most girls half her age in my book. My book is called, “Times I Exaggerated Because A Girl Had Big Tits”.

the Lindsay Lohan crime spree legal timeline

By brendon May 11, 2011 @ 3:22 PM

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Lindsay Lohan made her tenth court appearance in 12 months today to answer for stealing a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store in February and repeatedly violating her probation. And since that’s pretty bad, the judge came down hard this time, grounding Lindsay at home for two whole weeks. She will not, however, be spending any time in jail.

To recap how we got here and her long history of generally acting like she’s above the law and the courts in LA agreeing with her, let’s start at the begining:

October 4, 2005: Lindsay, then 19, crashes her Mercedes into the passenger side of a van that was pulling into traffic in West Hollywood. Lindsay, her passenger and the driver of the van were briefly hospitalized for minor injuries. She is not ticketed.

Jan. 4, 2006: tells Vanity Fair she has an eating disorder and has used drugs.

July 26, 2006: Lindsay is hospitalized for “heat exhaustion” while filming ‘Georgia Rule’, though it’s widely assumed she’s actually just hungover and/or still drunk. The movies producer writes an open letter telling her to knock it off.

Dec. 1, 2006: Lindsays mom tells Ryan Seacrest that Lindsay is in AA, but not because she has a problem. She says Lindsay only goes to meetings to hang out with her friends.

Dec. 12, 2006: Lindsay tells People she’s been in AA for a year and hasn’t had a drink in a week.

January 17, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the first time.

February 16, 2007: checks out of rehab, immediately goes to a bar until 4am.

March 6, 2007: is taped using cocaine in the bathroom of a London club.

March 16, 2007: parties and drinks champagne at a club in New York. She’s still underage at this point.

May 15, 2007: reportedly stole over $10,000 in clothes and jewelry from a 22-year-old model named Lauren Hastings.

May 26, 2007: is arrested for drunk driving after crashing her Mercedes convertible in Beverly Hills at 5:30am. She then left the scene of the accident. Police also found a “usable” amount of cocaine in her car. It’s her third car crash in two years.

May 28, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the second time.

July 2, 2007: turns 21, the legal age to drink.

July, 14, 2007: checks out of rehab. The next day she goes to Vegas and parties at Pure.

July 24, 2007: while high on cocaine, Lindsay goes on a high speed chase down Pacific Coast highway in a stolen GMC Denali, with the owner and two of his friends still in it, reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour, that ends when the woman whom Lindsay is chasing (her ex-assistant) calls Santa Monica police because she thinks Lindsay is going to kill her. Lindsay is arrested on five counts, including driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and possession of narcotics. Police again find cocaine, this time in her pocket. Lindsay tells police they aren’t her pants. She also tells police that she wasn’t the one driving, and blames it on, “the black kid.”

July 25, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the third time.

August 3, 2007: a report says Lindsay lost a Louis Vuitton endorsement deal because she kept stealing their clothes during photo shoots.

August 23, 2007: Lohan gets charged with seven misdemeanor counts for her two DUI arrests earlier that year. She reaches a plea deal, saying she would spend one day in jail, serve 10 days of community service and complete a drug-treatment program. Lohan is placed on 36 months’ probation and required to complete an 18-month alcohol-education program and pay a $300 fine.

October 5, 2007: checks out of rehab for the third time.

November 15, 2007: begins her 1 day jail sentence, her punishment for geting two DUI’s just two months apart, including the car chase in a stolen car while drunk and high on coke. She’s released 84 minutes later due to overcrowding.

December 31, 2007: a video shows Lindsay drinking straight from a bottle of champagne while partying in Italy.

May 6, 2008: steals an $11,000 fur coat from a party in New York; is later photographed wearing it.

October 22, 2008: a civil lawsuit is filed against Lindsay by the three people who were in the GMC Denali during her July 24, 2007, DUI arrest.

March 13, 2009: a warrant for her arrest is issued because Lindsay keeps skipping her court-ordered counseling sessions. This is a direct violation of her probation.

March 16, 2009: the warrant is recalled after Lindsay’s lawyer clears up the “misunderstanding.”

June 16, 2009: after Lindsay does a photo shoot for Elle magazine, $400,000 in diamonds that were used in the shoot are missing.

October 16, 2009: Lohan shows up more than an hour late to a probation hearing in Beverly Hills for a progress review on her two DUI cases. She has yet to complete the alcohol counseling program she was ordered to attend in August, but is given another year to do so. The judge warns Lindsay she will go to jail if she keeps skipping meetings and “thumbing her nose” at the court.

February 22, 2010: Lindsay admits to using cocaine.

April 14, 2010: skips a deposition related to the DUI civil suit to go shopping.

April 21, 2010: misses a second deposition related to civil suit; says she couldn’t get a ride to court by 10am. The night before she was photographed leaving a club at 2:30am.

April 23, 2010: named a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex, is later photographed wearing it.

April 30, 2010: has yet to complete her alcohol education classes, which is a violation of her probation. She now has 8 days to complete her final 4 classes. These are the same classes she was ordered to attend in August of 2007. She was given 18 months to attend 13 classes. She’s attended 9 in three years.

May 4, 2010: shows up 22-minutes late for the third attempt at the civil-case deposition; was at Chateau Marmont the night before until 2am.

May 19, 2010: with 3 more alcohol education classes yet to be completed and only one day to do it, Lindsay goes to France and stays for almost a week. Claiming that her passport was stolen and then that there were no flights back to America, she misses another court date. This is a direct violation of her probation.

May 24, 2010: back in court, Lindsay is not sent to jail after repeatedly violating her probation, but instead is made to wear a bracelet to detect alcohol, a ban on drinking and random weekly drug testing.

June 8, 2010: her alcohol monitor bracelet goes off, indicating that Lindsay is drinking or that she’s trying to disable it. An arrest warrant is issued, but she posts a $200,000 bail before it is carried out.

July 6, 2010: Lohan is sentenced to 90 days in jail and 90 days in rehab for violating her probation and skipping her alcohol education classes. “I did everything that I was told to do and did the best I could,” Lindsay tells the judge. She has “fuck u” written on her nails at the time.

July 20, 2010: Lindsay begins her 90 day jail sentence. 12 days later, she’s released due to overcrowding.

August 2, 2010: begins her court ordered 90 day drug rehab. 23 days later, she’s released.

August 26, 2010: is given stricter probation terms, including random drug testing.

August 30, 2010: is pulled over after running a stop sign on her way to a bar. She is not ticketed.

September 17, 2010: fails a drug test, testing positive for cocaine. This is a direct violation of her probation.

September 24, 2010: instead of going to jail, Lindsay is fitted with another alcohol detection bracelet and released until a full hearing for her parole violation.

October 22, 2010: is given yet another warning by a judge, and instead of jail, is again sent to rehab for 90 days. The judge warns that if she drinks or violates her probation in any way, she will be sent to jail for 180 days. Later, her probation report would reveal that Lindsay drank while in rehab and tested positive for alcohol use one month after leaving rehab. No charges are ever filed.

December 12, 2010: Lindsay is allegedly caught sneaking out of rehab and going to a bar, and then hits the rehab staff member who confronts her.

January 3, 2011: Lohan finishes her fourth stay in rehab and moves into an apartment in Venice, California.

January 4, 2011: The Riverside County Sheriff’s Department determine that Lohan violated probation during her time in rehab by leaving the property, drinking, and assaulting a staff member. No charges are ever filed.

January 22, 2011: Lohan goes to a jewelry store with a friend who distracts the clerk while she steals a $2,500 necklace.

February 9, 2011: Lohan is charged with felony grand theft.

April 22, 2011: Lindsay is found guilty of violating her probation and sentenced to 120 days in jail. Her sentence will begin at the conclusion of her grand theft trial.

May 11, 2011: Lindsay pleads no-contest to her theft charges, but is not given any additional jail time, and instead of beginning her 120 day sentence for parole violation, she will likely be allowed to serve that sentence at home with an electronic monitor (that decision will be made when she reports for jail on June 17th) , and WILL STILL GET RELEASED EARLY DUE TO PRISON OVER CROWDING, even though she’s not actually in prison. Because of this, she will only “serve” about 14 days, and those will be at her condo near the beach.

So after all that, for all the stuff in that list, all the theft and carjacking and kidnapping and DUI’s and cocaine and parole violations and lying to police and blatantly ignoring the court, Lindsay has spent about two weeks in jail. Over the same span I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more time on hold with directv than that.

Will Smiths enormous trailer is pissing people off

By brendon May 11, 2011 @ 12:33 PM

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Will Smith is in New York City these days filming ‘Men In Black 3′, and some local crybabies are upset because his trailer is two stories high, 53 feet long, 1,150 total square feet, has 22 wheels, weighs 30 tons and includes a full-service kitchen with arched windows and Italian cherrywood cabinetry, marble floors throughout, a movie theater with a 100-inch screen, an upstairs lounge with full bar, offices for up to 30 of his assistants and writing staff, a room dedicated to doing his makeup, a large bedroom, and an all-granite bathroom. Apparently they don’t like the smell of gas and a wall between them and their customers. Oh boo-hoo.

The New York Post says…

“This thing is like a duplex,” said Myrna Reisman, who lives next to where the trailer was parked. “How would Will Smith feel if I parked that thing out in front of his house? People forget this is a residential neighborhood, not a film lot.”
Other locals who live nearby say Smith should think a bit beyond his superstar needs.
“The smell that comes along with it is disgusting. It’s like living in a gas station. I really like Will Smith, but I would be embarrassed if that was my trailer. A little modesty goes a long way.”

It’s also limiting access to several local businesses because customers can’t get to them, but what is Will Smith supposed to do? Walk on non-marble floors, like some homeless person? It’s not like he can just go back to the luxury apartment he’s renting, because that’s almost a mile away. It might as well be on the moon.

(image source = j.b. nicholas, splash news and wenn)

Salma Hayek is photogenic

By brendon May 11, 2011 @ 10:57 AM

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In real life, girls generally freak out if they don’t know you and you point a camera down their shirts and take pictures of their tits. In Hollywood, most of the girls are whores, and not only will they let you point a camera down their shirt, they’ll wave to you while you do it and say, “hello, how are you, thank you.”

Advantage: Hollywood.

(image source of salma hayek today at the cannes film festival for the premiere of ‘puss in boots’ = getty and flynet and wenn)

Tuesday headlines, with Rachel Bilson in leather shorts

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 6:36 PM

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KATIE HOLMES – is not pregnant, according to her rep, who says the picture that started this rumor, “looks doctored”. To which Tom Cruise nervously asked, “Wait, so are you saying it’s fake or that the doctor made her pregnant again?” (e!)

KELLY BROOK – was nearly 5 months pregnant with her first child yesterday when she suffered a miscarriage. “Show your tits”, I tried not to think but couldn’t help myself. (ok!)

DINOSAURS VS ALIENS – is the latest result of Hollywood randomly combining characters and themes from other, better movies (such as teens + zombies + vampires vs. aliens or Abraham Lincoln vs. vampires or cowboy + ninja + viking or cowboys vs. aliens or Jane Austen vs. zombies or robots vs. zombies or Leonardo DaVinci vs. demons) because that’s way easier than thinking up new ones. Coming soon: Jesus vs. Predator, and Hitlers brain in a dragon vs. big tittied bikini Supergirl. (deadline)

REAL STEEL – now has a full length trailer that explains much more about why you’ll hate this. (yahoo)

PAUL MCCARTNEY – will not have a pre-nup when he marries fiance Nancy Shevell, despite the fact that his 2008 divorce from Heather Mills cost him $40 million. “She let’s me stick it anywhere,” he explained. (daily mail)

RACHEL BILSON – was also at the Chanel fashion show in France yesterday. So I guess that was Mila Kunis I fucked last night. I always get them mixed up.

Kate Beckinsale is good at this

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 4:24 PM

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Kate Beckinsale ran some errands in some little denim shorts and fuck-me heels yesterday, and it was a good example of how she pulls this look off better than any other girl in Hollywood. Because other than that her outfit was pretty conservative and she looked beautiful. She’s sexy without looking desperate. It’s like a slutty shampoo commercial.

(image source = pacific coast)

Blake Lively needs to slow down

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 2:14 PM

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Like all of you, I’m constantly worried that Hollywood actors don’t take enough vacations, so it was a huge relief to see Blake Lively in the French countryside yesterday, at the Hotel du Cap in Cap d’Antibes, for the Chanel Cruise Collection fashion show. I bet the other 12 people on earth who can afford these clothes will buy with confidence knowing that they’ve been Blake Lively approved.

(image source = inf and fame)

Sarah Jessica Parker is trying to end poverty

By brendon May 10, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

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Sarah Jessica Parker went to a party last night for the Robin Hood Foundation, a charity whose goal is to end poverty. Because she’s very concerned. She cares a lot. But before that she put on some fist-sized diamond earrings and picked out a jewel encrusted crocodile-skin bag, then teased her hair up like she was in Poison and/or the ThunderCats. Then she went to the party. Then she went home. “If only there was something I could do,” she thought as she took off her diamonds and threw them in the pile.

(image source = pacific coast and fame)