Kim Kardashian is mad at Playboy

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 3:15 PM

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Playboy has released 7 new pictures from Kim Kardashians famous 2007 pictorial (people are saying it’s 25, but it’s 7. The other ones aren’t new. Don’t worry about… look, do we have to humiliate me every single day, just take my word on it), which she now says she regrets ever having taken. She tells Harpers Bazaar (via the Huffington Post)…

“I’m sorry I did Playboy. I was uncomfortable,” she remembers, though at the time she was excited. “Go for it,” she recalls her mother saying. “They might never ask you again. Our show isn’t on the air yet. No one knows who you are. Do it and you’ll have these beautiful pictures to look at when you’re my age.”

So you can guess how she feels about the new ones.

“Kim was really upset that the new photos were released. She freaked out that they were out there, she didn’t think that they were going to be seen again.”

Is she talking about a comet, or naked pictures of Kim Kardashian and her huge tits? Like this one, which is one of the best Playboy pictures ever. Because those never went away, every guy on earth right clicked the hell out of them, and then named a folder ROUTER SETTINGS or something like that and hid it inside three other folders.

Which doesn’t work if you date a girl who understands computers, btw. She’ll simply run a search for all .jpg files. And it will suck. Mind your own business you brainy bitch.

(13 NSFW pics here. first 7 are new. source for all = playboy.com, which is unquestionably the best 8 dollars you’ll ever spend.)

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Jessica Simpson is the secret Project Runway judge

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 2:03 PM

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The ultimate winner of Project Runway is decided every year by giving a few of the designers a runway show at Fashion Week in New York. It’s a big deal, a huge honor, so they always get a really fashionable celebrity as a guest judge. Or in this case, Jessica Simpson. People says…

With her new denim line in stores now, it’s only fitting that Jessica Simpson is getting her fashionable feet wet at the runway shows of New York City Fashion Week. And on Thursday, the starlet made a trip to the Project Runway finale, where she was announced as the surprise guest judge.

Jesus Christ, are people in that audience actually applauding? I thought fashion people were mean. Boo that fat bitch. Don’t encourage her. Style and beautiful clothes are your life, and she’s selling denim bras and panties. “BOOOO, BOOOOO YOU SUCK!”

Britney Spears talks about the lawsuit

By brendon September 09, 2010 @ 1:04 PM

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Radar caught up with Fernando Flores yesterday, the first outlet to find him since he filed his lawsuit claiming Britney Spears beat her kids and sexually harassed him when he worked for her as a bodyguard.

He doesn’t really answer any questions, but he does look dumb as a rock. Because he is. Keep in mind that his lawsuit is filled with accusations that, as Britney points out on her website today, have already been dismissed once.

The Department of Children and Family Services conducted a proper investigation surrounding Mr. Flores’ accusations and have closed the case without any further action.

Just so you know, I grew up like 20 minutes from Britney, so the idea of being objective on this has gone right out the window. I don’t want to think she hits her kids because it would make us look bad. We’re not from Alabama for christs sake. Of course those inbred hillbillys beat their kids, their kids are goblin toothed bastards, but people from Louisiana are awesome.

So if it turns out Britney is feeding her kids broken glass: “Whatever. Glass is mostly silica, and that’s in our food anyway, so how bad could glass really be. Now stop your whining and eat your bottle before it gets cold.”

Paris Hilton hid cocaine in her vagina

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 7:33 PM

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Paris Hilton used to hide cocaine in her vagina to sneak it past airport police when traveling, according to a new book. And also, just, according to common sense. It just seems like something she would do.

The book was written by former ‘Girls Gone Wild’ cameraman Ryan Simkin, and he claims ‘Girls’ founder Joe Francis once had him deliver cocaine to Hilton during a photoshoot for Seventeen magazine. After that, the Hollywood Reporter says…

Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.”

The only part I don’t believe is that this whore is tight enough to keep a small cigarette box inside of her. It would bounce around, she would sound like a rattle. She would still get caught because the cops would think she was smuggling a piggy bank.

Snooki is officially annoying

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 5:41 PM

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Snooki had her day in court today, following her arrest on July 30th in Seaside Heights for public intoxication and disorderly conduct, and even though she was given a sizable fine and two days of community service, the real loser was Lindsay Lohan. Because the judge in Snookis case officially recognized Lindsay as the gold standard for fuckups, against whom all other fuckups will be measured. E! says…

“You seem to be acting like a Lindsay Lohan wannabe,” Judge Damian Murray chastised (Snooki). “Going through life rude, profane, obnoxious and self-indulgent is not the way you want to go through life.”

Did that guy just paraphrase Dean Wormer?

“If it was scripted, only you can determine whether it was worth trading your dignity for a paycheck.”

Yeah you can just look at Snooki and tell she’s a proud woman. So regal and elegant, it’s like we’re living in Camelot.

Heidi Montag is in a bikini

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 4:44 PM

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Heidi Montag has been in Costa Rica for a few weeks now, but she keeps busy by pretending to sell a sex tape and pretending to divorce her husband and pretending get her implants taken out.

At least she better not get her implants taken out. Huge tits are the only good thing about her. They’re perfect. And sexy. And practical. If you laid some kind of waterproof fabric on top of her boobs, you could mention that on your taxes, and write her off as a new roof.

(image source = pacific coast)

Jessica Simpson simply refuses to stop eating

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 3:28 PM

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Jessica Simpson is in New York today, and a few hours ago she left the Ritz-Carlton to get some food for her stomachs, and then it was off to a business meeting in the Fashion District. Which is probably why she was dressed like an eclipse so stylish.

Though to be honest, when you’re this heavy, shoes like that just make it look like you’re some wild animal, teetering around on its hoof.

(image source = inf daily)

Britney Spears is being accused of child abuse

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 1:56 PM

Semi-Exclusive: Britney and Jason Visit Church at Maui Hotel

A former bodyguard for Britney Spears named Fernando Flores will file a lawsuit today accusing her of sexually harassed him, hitting her kids, having sex in front of her kids, and even forcing them to eat until they vomited.

If this sounds familiar, it should, because he first made all these charges back in June (1,2). And Britney was investigated by the LA County Dept of Children and Family Services, and cleared almost instantly, because there was, “absolutely no truth to the accusations.”

But Fernando has no plan B, so he’s gonna try again.

Radar has seen a copy of the suit.
At a hotel in California, “Plaintiff perceived, during security checks of the perimeter, Defendant loudly having sexual relations while her two children were in the suite with her,” Flores is set to charge in the suit.
He also claims that Britney sent him on errands twice and when he returned her saw her “having vigorous sexual relations.”

Flores describes an alleged incident where Britney asked the guard for his belt and then: “Defendant Spears immediately ran back towards her house screaming ‘Preston’ (i.e. Sean Preston, her elder son). She entered the residence through two French doors on the north side. Plaintiff exited the pool house, hearing Sean Preston screaming in terror and pain, and saw Defendant Spears at least twice savagely hitting the small child with Plaintiff’s belt.

That belt thing is literally the exact same thing he accused her of in June. So if this dork is just gonna tell a bunch of lies, hopefully he’ll at least make up new ones. Like say she fucks a horse, and runs an underground street racing tournament, and she does the voice for ‘Mr. Burns’ on ‘the Simpson’s’ but hides that money from the government.