blake lively is up there somewhere

By brendon February 08, 2010 @ 10:43 AM

Gossip Girl Stars Hanging Out On Their Balcony In Miami (NO GERM

Lots of fancy Hollywood stars descended on Miami this weekend to watch the New Orleans Saints win Superbowl 44, among them ‘Gossip Girl’ star Blake Lively, who hung out on her hotel balcony in a bikini with Chace Crawford. God knows why he was there but it sure as hell wasn’t for football and girls in bikinis. He’s what would happen if two gay guys could reproduce, and they had a son. And that son f’d another dude and they had a son, and so on and so on for a few generations, until eventually any heterosexual genes were replaced by completely fabulous ones rollerblading around in a tank top and tiny shorts.

what the hell

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 6:16 PM


It seems impossible that this is a coincidence, but a photographer taking pictures of Charlie Sheens Mercedes’, the car that was stolen from his home then driven off Mullholland to crash down to the valley below, found a second car. This one is Bentley, and it’s not yet known if anyone is inside or at least was when it crashed.

If it is Sheens, and someone is doing this to get back at him for something, someone sure had a busy night. And good for them. It’s important to stay busy. Idle hands are the devils workshop.

everyone loves charlie sheen, part 2

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 6:05 PM


It had to be disappointing for Denise Richards whoever stole Charlie Sheens car and drove it off a cliff that the car didn’t explode in a big fireball. That he wasn’t in the car when it happened is also unfortunate. Actually if he could have been in the car, then had the car also hit him when it came to the bottom, then if someone could have taken his coffin and thrown that down into the canyon too, that would have been terrific.

leif garrett may or may not be a prostitute

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 5:03 PM

Ian Halperin is a well known Hollywood reporter who routinely reports things that are either categorically untrue or already well known to anyone who pays attention. But he’s also had New York Times bestsellers and his Michael Jackson book was well reviewed by respected sources.

Point being, he was on Opie and Anthony this morning talking about Leif Garrett (if you don’t know who that is just imagine Robert Pattinson, but 30 years ago and with feathered hair), who was arrested again just Monday for possession of heroin. Halperin says Garrett now works as a male prostitute who has sex with female fans for $5000 a session. And Halperin ads that there are several other former teen stars who do the same thing.

This seems incredibly hard to believe, and it’s almost certainly bullshit, but just because I don’t believe it doesn’t mean it’s not true. For example I sometimes can’t believe how sexy I am, but look. Here I am. Bein all sexy.

everyone loves charlie sheen

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 1:51 PM

Charlie Sheen was fast asleep early this morning when he received a call from OnStar after the airbags were deployed on one of his cars. He looked outside but didn’t see the car. He didn’t see the car because he wasn’t looking at the bottom of the canyon, which is where whoever took the car put it.

It’s not clear who was behind all this, but an even better question is when did TV reporters become such pussies. In this report from KTLA, the great Sam Rubin (one of the few in the media to realize that perez is a fuckin retard who doesn’t actually do anything) is the only one to bring up that there’s a very obvious short list of people who could or would have done this. But then the pussy anchor guy freaks out and says they won’t speculate. There’s no way to know who might have done this. He should put on his reporter trenchcoat and fedora with a card in it that says PRESS and solve the crime.

It could have been anyone, so he can start by interviewing some preschoolers, then Tom Hanks, then bring one of Sheens’ socks to the dog park and see if one of them picks up a scent. Maybe that will help in some way. He’s really tightening the noose around this band of thieves now!

friday morning headlines

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 12:55 PM


QUESTLOVE - might have overreacted yesterday when he insinuated that the NBC commissary menu for black history month was racist. Turns out the chef who planned the meal is a black woman and she based the menu on things she liked to eat. But then this morning, right when things were cooling down, NBC put up this sign to announce Pancake Day. To be honest, I don’t see how this helps at all. I think that’s bullshit. (new york post)

MADONNA - is dating Jesus Luz again. They broke up earlier this week, in part because she is 14 years older than his mom. That fact became embarrassing because one time he was kissing her in their car and got arrested for necrophilia. (new york daily news)

TIGER WOODS - and his wife Elin took a private plan home this morning after Tiger completed a one month stay in a sex rehab. In honor of that, here are more modeling pictures of his prostitute, Loredana Jolie. There are also lots of Playboy pictures of her online, despite the new filter on Tigers computer that says she doesn’t exist. What does exist are flashing red lights and a siren and very angry footsteps racing up the stairs. (radar)

if you play your cards right, the lapd might arrest you

By brendon February 05, 2010 @ 11:27 AM


Dr. Conrad Murray of course is the doctor who’s accused of killing Michael Jackson, albeit unintentionally. His attorneys have been meeting with the LAPD all week and he will attempt to surrender later today, but the worthless dipshits entrusted to enforce the law aren’t sure if they’ll accept it or not.

Keep in mind, they think he killed someone and he’s on the loose, and he’s wealthy and they’re a few hours from the Mexican border, and he may have to push his way past prosecutors and the LAPD to get IN to jail.

We are going to be at the courthouse at 1:30 (p.m.) for his surrender,” said Miranda Sevcik, spokeswoman for Murray’s legal team. “We see no reason to perpetuate the arbitrary situation any longer.”
“It seems ridiculous to us that it’s been dragging on this long,” Sevcik said. “We’ve been here all week long, for God’s sake. What’s the hold up?”

But now that they know his plan, they’ll probably lock the doors and turn out all the lights and shush everyone to hide when they see him outside. Then the chief of police will go outside dressed like what he thinks Mexican women dress like, which is Carmen Miranda, with the bright red lipstick and big puffy sleeves and skirt and a hat made out of fruit. And he’ll say, “No, no they no policia here. You go away now.”

what in the hell is that

By brendon February 04, 2010 @ 6:24 PM


Just yesterday someone sent me an article about Australia making it illegal for girls with small breasts to do porn, and I didn’t mention that sooner because I’ve been busy moving to Australia. So, while I’m not entirely sure what it is that supermodel Erin Wasson aspires to be one day, hopefully it wasn’t an Australian porn star.

Yesterday she went swimming in St. Barths with no top on, and I’ve never wanted a model to get dressed so badly in my life. Licking her chest would be like licking a chain link fence. Except way way worse because at least the fence wouldn’t expect me to pretend like I was getting turned on.

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