miley cyrus wants you to see her naked

By brendon April 29, 2010 @ 11:15 AM

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It seems hard to believe that anyone asked, because by the time it happens no one will care, but Miley Cyrus says she would do a nude scene in a movie if it was handled the right way. The BBC says…

The multi-talented star’s transition from a teen idol looks inevitable and she even told Newsbeat she wouldn’t rule out doing nude scenes if the role was right. “It depends what the film is,” she said.
“If it’s something that’s classy – it just depends on the circumstances.”

Yeah it would have to be classy. Like those movies Keira does with the horses and the big hats and puffy dresses about forbidden love between social classes. Miley should do one of those. “Lord Thomas, you are ma deepest luve, but are time tug gether is so brief. Ima show you ma titties na.”

tess taylor seems fun

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 5:51 PM

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Tess Taylor is the star of the E! reality show ‘Pretty Wild’. She’s also at the heart of that whole “bling ring” who robbed Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. She’s also the Playboy Cyber Girl of the Year. She’s also incredibly hot, short, and she has DD’s. As you may recall, those are my 3 favorite qualities in a girl, so needless to say I love her very very much.

These candid and very rare pictures of her getting high are under the cut, along with a few of her Playboy pics, and you really should click on every single one. I promise it will be worth it. In fact, one day, as you lay on your deathbed and think back to the time when you saw Tess Taylor naked, it’s entirely possible that you’ll remember this as the greatest day of your life.

(playboy picture source, with way way more of tess = playboy.com)

Read more >

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 3:46 PM

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JESSE JAMES - is a jackass who has no one to blame for his problems but himself. Unfortunately he admits that. Which makes it hard to attack him. After the divorce news broke, he said, “Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go.” Ah, yes, but … what about … aw fuck you dude. Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to say after that. (people)

HEIDI MONTAG – may be hooked on painkillers as a result of all her plastic surgery. Her friends say, “she’s a shell of her former self”. Meaning what? She’s even more boring and vapid than she used to be? That seems hard to believe. (us.com)

JOY RIDDLE - reads Tyler. And she’s a model in this maxim hometown hottie contest. Tyler has more individual readers a month than maxim magazine and twice as many page views as maxim.com, so I resent that people would use me to get to them. But then Joy did this, and my erection rocketed through my shorts and punched the bottom of my desk. After rolling around on the ground for a few minutes while grabbing my crotch and howling in pain, I forgot what I had been upset about earlier, and devoted all my efforts to seeing underneath her stupid fun-ruining left hand. (facebook)

sandra bullock filed for divorce last week

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 3:00 PM

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With every move that Sandra Bullock makes under a microscope, you would think something as big as her filing for divorce would be picked up on immediately. Well you’d be wrong. So what do you have to say for yourself now, Mr. Perfect?

TMZ has learned Sandra Bullock filed for divorce in Travis County Court in Austin, Texas … and the reason it didn’t surface until now is because Sandra turned it into a puzzle.
The case was filed under Sandra’s initials — backwards … B.A.S. 
Jesse James was also identified by his initials — J.J.G.  Jesse’s middle name is Gregory.

Is that legal? It doesn’t seem like that would be legal. To just put any random combination of letters down and claim that’s you. If it is I’m gonna go marry some illegal alien and claim it’s really Megan Fox. “Juanita Morales” is actually Megan Fox. I figure it will take at least a year for the courts to sort everything out, and until then I’d legally be her husband. It’s not rape if you’re married. It’s a “domestic misunderstanding”.

joslyn james says tito ortiz beat up jenna jameson

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 1:15 PM

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It’s been hard to know who is telling the truth in the whole Jenna Jameson – Tito Ortiz domestic abuse story.

On one hand, you have Tito, who has spent a lifetime learning how to inflict maximum damage to the human body with ruthless efficiency. On the other hand, you have Jenna Jameson, who had some kind of ace bandage on her arm yesterday. She was in so much pain she couldn’t even use it to load her car with luggage, and she had to use her good arm to carry things. Oh wait never mind.

The point is, Jenna certainly isn’t lying. And if you still had any doubt, maybe the star of ‘Shorty Is Fuckin Yo Mama’ can open your eyes to the truth. The New York Daily News says…

Tiger Woods’ porn-star paramour joined the war of words between XXX queen Jenna Jameson and her boyfriend Tuesday, saying she’s seen him abuse the skin-flick star.
Joslyn James, 32, said she witnessed Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz roughing up his gal pal, contradicting Jameson’s claim that Monday was the first time.
“I saw three separate situations myself,” James, a friend of Jameson’s, told the Daily News. “They would be partying, and she wouldn’t do anything in particular to set him off.”

Man I wish I had a gavel right now. Because I would bang it on the desk and yell “case closed!”

there is no one more beautiful than julia roberts

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 12:03 PM

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Julia Roberts is a mean old bitch and she looks like something that you would discover living in a mountain cave that the villagers claim is haunted. Oh, but if you work for People magazine, and your job depends on big celebrity interviews and the frumpy housewives who read them, a good idea would be to pretend that a frumpy housewife is really sexy and attractive. And so that’s what they did.

Julia Roberts, who began her career as “Pretty Woman,” is now the most beautiful person in the world, according to People magazine’s Most Beautiful Person issue released on Wednesday.
This is the fourth time the 42-year-old timeless beauty has headed People’s list and the twelfth time she’s been named one of the world’s 100 Most Beautiful people.

Oh yeah she’s terrific. That screencap up top must be some random bad picture I manipulated. And not her in ‘Oceans 12′, a one hundred million dollar movie with an army of hair and makeup and lighting experts whose job is to make her look as good as she possibly can.

The pictures below are Taiwanese model Maureen Chen. Up until today I thought she was the best looking girl on earth. Or at least better looking than Julia Roberts. But I guess not. I guess I was mistaken. I was quite the fool for assuming the gorgeous Asian girl with huge breasts would be more appealing than the mean old goblin with a bunch of bastard kids running around. Now that I think about it that is way sexier.

wait, what?

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 9:29 AM

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After weeks in virtual solitude, with no interviews or statement to the press addressing her jackass husband and his serial killer dick, Sandra Bullock is on the cover of People magazine with the revelation that she’s divorcing Jesse James, AND she’s adopted a baby boy from New Orleans.

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband Jesse James, and while that news hardly comes as a surprise, this might: Bullock has secretly adopted a 3-and-a-half month African-American baby boy named Louis Bardo.
The stunning story, as first reported by People.com, says that Bullock and James quietly began the adoption process four years ago, and brought the infant, who was born in New Orleans, home in January.
“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock, who plans on raising the child by herself, told the magazine of her son. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”
Bullock told the magazine that the events have generated great emotion from her. She said: “I am sad and I am scared.”

Wait, a black kid from New Orleans who doesn’t know who his parents are? That must be some kind of typo. I grew up 10 minutes from New Orleans, and I certainly don’t remember anything like that. It’s a wonderful place, a land of enchantment, with rivers of gumdrops and chocolate, and unicorn guides who welcome you with a loving embrace. Except replace “chocolate” with “urine”, “Unicorn” with “gangbanger” and “loving embrace” with “SKS assault rifle”.

offline site news update

By brendon April 28, 2010 @ 12:22 AM

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Okay so for a few months now comcast has been remembering that they’re essentially retarded once or twice a week and their internet crashes. Which is problematic if you write a website. So I might have screamed a bunch of scathing profanity at them over the phone Friday. What this means is that my internet access is still a little dicey, and will be until I get some stuff figured out. With any luck it won’t effect the page at all, but you never know.

The only good thing about all this is that when I was at starbucks, about 6 inches to the right of this picture, there was this sexxxy model named Stephanie. And now she and I are lovers, because that’s the kind of game I got. But don’t say anything because our relationship is still a secret. In fact she doesn’t even know about it.