Friday afternoon headlines

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 5:14 PM

lindsay-lohan-see-thru

HALLE BERRY – broke up with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry back in April after dating for 4 years, but they looked like the perfect family yesterday in London with their daughter. It’s nice to see two beautiful millionaires finally catch a break. (daily mail)

KARISSA SHANNON – confirms that she made a lesbian sex tape with Heidi Montag, and that Heidis husband stole it, but says she never wanted or expected anyone to see it. So the root of the problem appears to be that she doesn’t understand what cameras do. (radar)

LINDSAY LOHAN – wants Lou Taylor and Larry Rudolph, who managed the comeback of Britney Spears, to do the same for her. If step 1 was to wear a see-thru shirt and show off her tits, mission accomplished. (ny post)

50 Cent had a rough night

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 2:50 PM

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50 Cent was on his twitter page all last night, after a frightening encounter with some inner city hooligan.

“I can’t believe my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I’m rich fuck this I’m going home I don’t need this shit.”
“Got dam it motherfuckers I’m having a bad dayThere’s other people at the house she just likes to boss me around.”

It’s like a scene from Big Momas House. Luckily for her, 50 calmed down after that, more or less.

“Allhiphop.com fuckin wit me alright Motherfuckers calling me twitty cent Ima catch 1 of you motherfuckers Fuckin computer geeks.”
“Ok I calm down now I was gonna go out side and smack the fristNigga I seen on twitter.”

I don’t pretend to understand the hood, but if the Tweeters are a group that you can declare war on, then it’s not as tough as I was led to believe. “HTML5 niggas betta lay the fuk down. Only reason day aint dade is cuz Fiddy dun grown, hea grown man, so he kep his shit, and now he get his, and he gon shine.”

Jessica Alba forgot something

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 11:54 AM

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Jessica Alba had a rooftop photo shoot in LA yesterday, and when she stood near the edge you could kind of see up her dress. But not enough to see anything great. It was pretty disappointing. In fact, considering what was at stake, I don’t think it’s unmanly to admit that I cried for over an hour.

(image source = fame)

Britney might be getting married again

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 10:55 AM

Semi-Exclusive: Britney and Jason Visit Church at Maui Hotel

Britney Spears is still in a bikini at a fancy resort on Maui with her boyfriend Jason Trawick, whom she’s dated since March of ’09, and yesterday they spent some time at a church there. Was this related in any way to the cover story for this weeks OK magazine, which says that Brit and her little sister Jamie Lynn are planning a double wedding?

Probably not, no. Britney is too proud to make a mistake like that again. Just look at her. So wise, so regal. It’s like watching an eagle.

(image source = splash news and flynet)

like nothing ever happened, part 3

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 8:35 AM

44042PCN_Lilo

And after her meetings in Santa Monica, I guess Lindsay changed clothes and went to the gas station. And, umm… holy shit. I can’t even remember why I was mad at her. Something wonderful happens whenever she puts on a tight shirt that shows off her huge tits, she just comes alive. It’s like when a snowman puts on his magic hat.

(image source = pacific coast)

like nothing ever happened, part 2

By brendon August 27, 2010 @ 8:30 AM

lindsay_big_tits

Lindsay Lohan had some meeting in Santa Monica yesterday, and granted she looked kind of awesome, but showing off her big tits and making my penis flush with blood was never her problem. She was always tremendously good at that. Where the hell did she even find a shirt so thin? Is there a website where you can download and print shirts or something?

(image source = pacific coast and fame)

Thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 6:27 PM

43970PCN_Monk

JON MAYER – went on tumblr and said the Huffington Post is “full of shit”, in a 463 word response to a 150 word story that implied he might be back together with Jennifer Aniston. Maybe he overreacted, but let’s see someone blab that you’re dating that fug bitch and see how you like it. (tumblr, huff post)

JEREMY RENNER – has won the lead opposite Tom Cruise in ‘Mission: Impossible 4′, directed by Brad Bird, which will begin production in the fall and film in the U.S., Vancouver, Prague and Dubai. Cruise is expected to star in ‘M:I 5′ as well, but after that the franchise may be handed over to Renner. Actually you can bank on it, because if there’s one thing Hollywood is good at, it’s making long range plans and sticking to it. (deadline)

MATT DAMON – was back today filming scenes for the new season of ’30 Rock’ (which finally got good last year) and Sherri Shepherd posted a picture of them with Tracy Morgan. Damon plays a pilot who dates Tina Fey, while Shepherd plays the last thing a pound of bacon ever sees. (twitpic)

SOPHIE MONK – is in Hawaii in a bikini, which is more than enough to make the page on a day this incredibly slow. Seriously did you see that Matt Damon story? WTF was that all about? (pacific coast)

this is Hollywoods Most Amazing Body

By brendon August 26, 2010 @ 4:30 PM

jennifer_love_hewitt_is_fat

Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the cover of People this summer for their issue about the best bodies in Hollywood. She went from fat to fabulous and now her body is amazing (their words, not mine).

And yet every picture had her hiding behind something. Whenever she’s in a magazine, it’s like she was on a walk in the woods and a stranger started chasing her. She’s always peering out from behind something.

Well this is why. In reality she’s a complete mess, as you can see in these pictures taken today in Toluca Lake. Which would be fine except she wants credit for telling women to love their body while constantly lying about her own. Her ass is so big you could hit it with a paddle and it would take over a minute before her brain got the message and she said, “Ow.”