annalynne mccord is a good driver

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 2:43 PM

90210 star AnnaLynne McCord wrecked her car today on La Cienega in West LA when she ran into the back of a new Range Rover.  No one was injured.  One prominent website is suggesting the accident was AnnaLynnes fault because she got distracted while masturbating and thinking about me.  If asked for a comment, a hot young police spokeswoman might say, “oh my god yeah, I totally bet she was.  I mean c'mon.  Oh no way is that your real eye color?  Oh my god they’re so blue, come here, let me see OH WHOOPS I SLIPPED.  Whew, thanks for catching me.  Wow you’re really strong.  Do you work out where do you work out?  I work out too.  Here feel my legs.”

(image source = pacific coast)

hey its that girl no one knows

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 1:51 PM

I don’t know what madman thought it would be a good idea to do this years Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue without Marisa Miller, but I hope he got fired.  I hope he got fired, I hope they stole his car, seduced his wife, punched his kids in the face and planted child pornography on his computer.  Even worse, they filled the ginger spot with Brazilian mess Cintia Dicker and her terrifying amount of freckles.   In fact when I saw this I hid under my bed and cried for like 10 minutes because I was so scared.  But then I came out.  I'm pretty brave, huh?

which two are most popular – update

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 11:19 AM

Despite it being around 40 degrees when they did it, Melody Thornton and Nicole Scherzinger pranced around all sexy on the way to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon in NYC yesterday.  The rest of the Pussycat Dolls got all bundled up and therefore shall remain nameless.  As you can see, they’re in these hot little Indian/Hindu outfits.  Melody and Nicole even have bindi’s on their forehead, sometimes also called a tilaka or bottu.    Traditionally it’s used to denote social status.  In this case it would also be a good target for me to aim at during my big finish if Melody and I ever got it on.  In America, we have a similar system used to denote status, but over here we use teef.  And goblets.  If you’ve got gold teef and diamonds on your drink cup, you’re like the most important man in the world or something. 

MISTAKE CORRECTING UPDATE – okay so I guess the redhead trying to seduce me is actually Jessica Sutta, not Melody Thornton.  You people are supposed to stop me before I make an ass of myself, ya know.  In my defense, the picture source had it labeled wrong, and also no one has any idea who the Pussycat Dolls are besides Nicole.  

(image source = pacific coast and splash news)

mandy moore got married

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 11:17 AM

Us magazine has confirmed that Mandy Moore got married to Ryan Adams yesterday in Savannah, Georgia.  She’s 24 and he’s 34 and they’ve dated off and on since December of 2007, although there was always a rumor that she was having an affair with UFC president Dana White.  Anyway, Ryan’s ugly and Mandy was the reason god invented the word “jailbait”, so you can either put your thumb over his picture above or you can look at the uncomfortably tempting ones below.  Also here's a reasonable fake of what she might look like if she fell down and for some sexy reason had no clothes on.  Please enjoy, won't you?

brad is banging the nanny. maybe.

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 9:32 AM

The cover story for today’s Star magazine claims that Angelina Jolie caught her lover Brad Pitt makin the moves on a “pretty young nanny.”   He was allegedly rubbing her back, which several of my girlfriends swear is what people mean when they say “third base”.  This nanny sounds like a real whore.  Star says…

Angelina flew into a jealous rage when she walked past the open bedroom door of 8-month-old twins, Knox and Vivienne (and found) Brad was on the bed rubbing the back of a pretty young nanny! Angie got so mad she slapped Brad and fired the girl on the spot!

It doesn’t say who exactly the nanny might be and they rarely use one in public so it’s hard to find pictures of any suspects, but this woman went with them to Lake Michigan.  She’s pretty, so maybe it’s her.  It might also be that white haired gentlemen. It’s unfounded and poorly thought out speculation like this that makes Tyler the website all of America is talking about.

HEART POUNDING UPDATE – An exhaustive investigation launched by this website has revealed that the mystery woman in the picture is actually Angelina’s assistant, and has been for several years.  Word on the street says she is not the one that seduced Pitt.  And by “investigation”, I mean, “someone who knows her sent me an email and I opened it”.

(image source = fame pictures)

i hate you so GD much

By brendon March 10, 2009 @ 8:47 PM

Paris Hilton showed up in Hawaii yesterday with her new bf (some doofus from the Hills) and, uh, she does realize this isn’t her own private beach, right?  Because it doesn’t seem that she does if you watch her prance down to the water for the paparazzi.  After seeing this I can safely say that I will hate everything she ever does for the rest of her life.  I get the haunting suspicion there will be pictures like this for the rest of the week, and she’ll be irritating in every single one.  But it is Hawaii, so maybe she'll somehow end up as bait to trap some kind of deep-sea monster or someone could chum the water before she goes swimming tomorrow.  I'm cautiously optimistic.

(image source = splash news

more britney bikini madness!

By brendon March 10, 2009 @ 4:32 PM

Britney spent her second day in a bikini at a hotel pool in Miami today.  She basically just relaxed and played with her kids, which included a few jumps into the pool.  At first her jumps were awkward, but they got better as she kept at it.  Then, on one jump, she jumped over a whole mountain.  Moon, here we come!

(image source = splash news)

hayden is kind of a bitch, part 2

By brendon March 10, 2009 @ 2:09 PM

24 hours ago there was a story on Us magazines website about Hayden Panettiere.  Long story short, she’s a bitch.  Now OK! magazine has a gushing love letter of their own, claiming she is using her – ahem – "star power" on the set of Heroes to get her ex boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia fired.

 “She refuses to be on the set at the same time as him,” the (source) tells OK!  “She is making it difficult for everyone involved.  As for Milo, “He’s not going to play any games or stoop to her level.”

It might not be the best idea in the world to stir up tons of drama as a cast member on a very expensive show that nobody watches (last place, again).  If she values her job, she would be as quiet as can be.  I would move around that set as if a T-Rex was loose.