breaking news: kelly brook is in a pink bikini now

By brendon June 29, 2010 @ 3:34 PM

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It’s pretty hard to justify posting even more pictures of Kelly Brook in a bikini during her trip to Barbados, but she went to all the trouble of jamming her huge 34E tits into that bikini top, so I think the least we can do is stare at them and sexually objectify her. Stop being so rude and start staring at her tits.

(source = splash news online)

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon June 29, 2010 @ 1:18 PM

Elisabetta Canalis

JOE ROGAN – is the best analyst in any sport IMO, but he’s still a huge Fedor Emelianenko fan (more) despite the fact that Fedor hasn’t fought anyone of note since Nogueira 6 years ago. Saturday night Fedor lost a fight in the first round, and today Rogan will talk about this for the first time on his weekly podcast at 3pm pct. I’ve always said Fedor was overrated and wouldn’t be top 5 in the UFC, so does this mean I know more about MMA than Joe Rogan? Yes, yes it does. I’m clearly an unparalleled genius. (twitter)

LINDSAY LOHAN – is a Hollywood outcast. Last week I mentioned that she would send tweets to Katy Perry who always ignored them. The Star says she does the same thing with Gaga, Justin Bieber and Slash. The Star also says I have Americas Hottest Buns, so they seem to know what they’re talking about. (daily star)

LOUIS CK – talked to New York magazine to promote his new show, which premiers tonight on F/X. But skip it if you’re one of those who don’t think he’s funny. Skip it and then go slam your hand in a car door as punishment for your terrible terrible taste. (ny mag)

GEORGE CLOONEYS – girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis took out a little boat near Clooneys house on Lake Como in Italy. “Wow this dummy has a lot to learn about water safety,” said a guy who totally missed the point. (inf)

chris brown is a real hero

By brendon June 29, 2010 @ 12:43 PM

Chris Brown was back in the news yesterday, and not because he…

…took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehicle, causing an approximate one-inch raised circular contusion.
“(Rihanna) turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused (her) mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.”

No this time it was because he cried like a little girl with a broken arm Sunday night at the BET awards during a tribute to Michael Jackson. With that in mind, MTV asked around to see if his tears over a completely unrelated topic will somehow make people forget what he did to Rihanna. Alicia Quarles, Associated Press entertainment editor, said…

“You forget what a good performer he is. I think over the past year, so much has been overshadowing that, from his album not selling to him claiming record stores are boycotting him to him being denied entry into Europe. You forget that he’s a triple threat.
Everybody is talking about Chris Brown, and it’s about doing something positive for once.”

Erik Parker, who wrote a cover story on Brown for Vibe, added…

“I think people didn’t want to hear words from him. I don’t think they wanted to hear the words ‘I’m sorry,’. He couldn’t say anything enough; he had to prove it. For people to accept it, they had to first make him pay for it somehow, meaning put him through the wringer and get out all the anger they feel toward him. But he was unable to articulate how truly sorry he felt with just his words.”

Wait what? He was crying about Michael Jackson. What does that have to do with being sorry for beating the shit out of Rhianna. I can’t get over how many girls are ready to forgive this piece of shit. I need to start dating black girls. For one they’re often skinny with huge tits, but more to the point, at least according to this, as long as I don’t set them on fire they seem pretty easy going.

kelly brook bikini pictures, day 2

By brendon June 29, 2010 @ 9:37 AM

kelly_brook_green_bikini_000

Kelly Brook spent a second day in Barbados, this time in a green bikini, and the last few days have been magical because I almost have enough pictures to finally turn Tyler into the Kelly Brook fan page I’ve always dreamed of. IHeartKelly.com will be a lot like the old Tyler, except with nothing but pictures of Kellys tits, and way more sentences that end abruptly in the middle of a thought because I need to hop in the shower and rinse that stuff off.

megan fox got married

By brendon June 28, 2010 @ 11:53 PM

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Star is reporting tonight (and TMZ is now confirming) that Megan Fox got married to that guy she dates late last week in Hawaii. That guy she dates just pulled off the biggest upset since I won that underground no-rules karate tournament in Hong Kong last year. Hi-Ya!

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green tied the knot late last week in Hawaii, a source tells Star exclusively!
“They had a fairly large wedding, but there were clearly more security people than guests! They had so many security people that they had to call in local security because the hotel security alone wouldn’t do. It was very hush hush. Everyone was sworn to secrecy.”
The location of the wedding — which took place Thursday or Friday — was the Four Seasons Hualalai at Historic Ka’upulehu on the big island of Hawaii.
“The place is perfect for a Hollywood wedding,” says the source. “It’s very romantic and scenic. Megan and Brian had already been there for a few days. It seemed like a spur of the moment thing. I don’t think it had been planned long.”
And the couple has been in no rush to leave.
“Megan and Brian are still there at the hotel, relaxing,” says the source. “They’re now celebrating their honeymoon.”

Aww man that’s so great. So romantic. They should go for a nice romantic dive while they’re there. See all the pretty fish and coral. Out there on a boat. In international waters. First I just need to switch Brians air tank for a propane tank, then I need to find a way to make a spark.

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon June 28, 2010 @ 8:27 PM

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MEL GIBSON – wants his ex girlfriend to produce some evidence to back up her claims, especially the one saying she has dental records proving he knocked out two of her teeth. And I want my ex girlfriend to produce some evidence that she got stationed in Germany. She’s not even in the military as far I know. (radar)

TOY STORY 3 - ruled yet again this weekend, earning another 59 million (total is now 227m). ‘Grown Ups’ was in second place with 40 mill, but ‘Knight and Day’ only made 20.5 million. That movie had a cutesy yet meaningless title, a recycled plot and Cameron Diaz. In hindsight maybe I should say it made an astounding 20.5 million. (bom)

STEVE CARELL – has confirmed that he will leave ‘The Office’ after next season, but the show will continue without him. Seems risky, but personally, I’m 100 percent confident that the show won’t get any less funny. (e!)

KELLY BROOK - is still in Barbados, in the same bikini, but these are new pictures. It’s nice really because this is like a hundred pictures now and I can edit them together and make a little movie. (splash)

sandra bullock is officially single

By brendon June 28, 2010 @ 4:21 PM

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4 months ago Jesse James was married to a beautiful actress, the most popular woman in Hollywood, and he had full access to her hundreds of millions of dollars.

A lot can happen in 4 months as it turns out.

Sandra Bullock has finalized her divorce from husband of nearly five years Jesse James Us magazine has learned.
The documents are sealed.
Despite James’ infidelities, a source recently said the two are on speaking terms.
“Jesse would not relocate his family to Austin without consulting with her. This has been in the works for a while.”
Added the source, “He’d like to reconcile.”

I bet Sandra will be really touched by the way Jesse followed her across the country and moved to her hometown. Ex-girlfriends love that. They love being hunted.

chris brown cries like a girl

By brendon June 28, 2010 @ 3:18 PM

Chris Brown performed a Michael Jackson tribute last night at the BET Awards, though a more accurate way to describe it would be to say that he cried uncontrollably while wandering aimlessly around the stage. What an asshole this guy is. This was supposed to be an entertainment extravaganza. Way to waste everyone’s time dickhead. Be a professional for Christs sake. Poor sweet Chris was so sad about the pedophile that he couldn’t sing any of Michaels shitty music that doesn’t stand the test of time anyway so who gives a shit. To be honest I got a little choked up too, but then I remembered I wasn’t a little girl holding my dolly and watching ‘Bridge to Terabithia’.