RAMPAGE JACKSON IS COOL

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 7:21 AM

Late yesterday afternoon, UFC superstar Quentin "Rampage" Jackson was arrested for his part in a s suspected hit and run in Newport Beach, California.  Details were scarce except for that kick ass picture above, but now TMZ has some details.

Rampage was on the 55 Freeway in the O.C., hit two cars and got off the freeway. The chase was on.
Rampage then began driving on the center divider. But it gets worse. According to the police report, Jackson then drove on the sidewalk, "causing pedestrians to flee for their lives." He started driving the wrong way on a crowded street, colliding with yet another car in an intersection. As he continued on, running several red lights, his tire disintegrated and he began driving on the rim.
Rampage eventually got to the exclusive Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach, where he again drove on the sidewalk, "causing pedestrians to flee in terror."
Eventually, his car came to a stop and he was taken into custody at gunpoint. Cops took him to the Orange County Jail, but they determined he was "medically unfit" to be booked. Cops won't say if he was high.

It would be disappointing if Rampage did some weed and then went and drove his monster truck around, but in his defense, that shit sounds fun.

HONOR MARIE IS PHOTOGENIC

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

Jessica Alba is on the cover of OK magazine this week, talking about the birth of her daughter Honor Marie on June 7th.  And it's filled with the breathless passion and excitement you always associate with Jessica Alba.  OK! says…

"I didn't scream," Jessica tells OK! in an exclusive interview and photoshoot. "It was really Zen." And Cash could only marvel at his wife's quiet strength when she gave birth. "She didn't make a sound," he says. "It was amazing."
"It hasn't totally sunk in," Jessica reveals to OK!. "She dreams, she smiles, and coos and does all these things, but she hasn't seen enough of the world yet to understand any of that stuff. So I still feel like she's connected to the other world, or something. There's no other way to explain it. It's a miracle."
“The labor was more like meditation," she says. "I did yoga breathing. I was focused."

This settles it.  Jessica Alba is some kind of superwomen.  I'm guessing if you spun her around you’d see a panel on her back because she’s actually a damn machine.

HELEN MIRREN IS BRAVE

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 4:09 AM

Academy Award winning actress Helen Mirren went swimming outside her vacation home (castle, actually) in Puglia, Italy yesterday, and she wrapped her 63-year-old ass in a bikini to do it. So good news for you and your creepy geriatric lust.  Pervert.

(picture source here, full size scan here)



RAMPAGE JACKSON IS UNDER ARREST

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 3:28 PM

Rampage Jackson is not having a good week.  Last Saturday night he lost his UFC light heavyweight title to Forrest Griffin, and just moments ago the scene above played out, after police stopped him as a suspect in a hit and run.  TMZ says…

Law enforcement sources tell us, Rampage was in a car crash near Newport Beach (that's near Laguna Beach in the O.C.) and then split the scene. Cops gave chase and eventually caught up and charged him with felony hit and run and felony evading arrest.

Rampage is maybe the most charismatic and likeable athlete to come around since Barkley, but he’s no criminal mastermind.  He committed a hit and run in a truck with his name and picture on the side.  “Can you describe the vehicle that hit you, sir?” “Yes, imagine if Rampage Jackson was a truck.”

SO, I THINK MAYBE THEYRE DATING

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 10:27 AM

Every time Sienna Miller looks past her naked tits to lean over and make out with Balthazar Getty, she sees the name of his wife tattooed on his chest ("Rosetta").  His wife right now.  As in today.  As in, they're married and she's at home with their four kids.  Holy crap.  He might as well go home and shave his wifes head and kick her dog and dig up her dead parents and then bury them upside down too.  Just go for it dude.  Might as well gun it.  Scott Peterson was a better husband than this guy.

(EXCLUSIVE pictures, courtesy of Splash news Online)



DID SHE JUST … IS THAT …

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 9:32 AM


There’s a video all over the place today showing Suzanne Summers on some home shopping channel and during a demonstration of how light and breezy her dress is, she twirls it up and maybe flashes her kitty to the literally dozens of people who watch home shopping channels. It's hard to tell if she's naked or not underneath, and that's because determining that would require I sit here and stare at an old ladys crotch. I know it's hard to believe, but I’m in no hurry to study a withered vagina like it’s a map to the City of Gold. 

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 8:16 AM

The Daily Mail has a story about Uma Thurman on a vacation cruise in Corsica with her Swiss millionaire fiancé Arpad Busson, and one of the pictures shows … whatever the hell that might be.  The Mail says she might be pregnant, but I’ve seen Shaun of the Dead enough times to know a zombie when I see one.  You're not foolin me you undead bitch!

JLO HAS TOO MUCH MONEY

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 6:17 AM

The Mirror UK says that Jennifer Lopez, long known in Hollywood to be an insufferable pain in the ass with a misguided sense of entitlement and self worth, has reached a level of materialistic insanity unthinkable even for her.  The Mirror says…

The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.
We're told: "Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.
"She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits.
"But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over 1,000 dollars each."

If karma were at all real, and not just a fantasy based on fairies and pixies and dancing candy canes, JLo would get smoosh'd by a comet today, or at the very least pinned to a tree by a car.  Fuck that uppity cunt.  She can afford new legs.