this might be the worst movie ever

By brendon December 07, 2011 @ 6:05 PM

The idea of a Three Stooges movie from the Farrelly Brothers sounds awful, but it’s still way better than an actual Three Stooges movie from the Farelly Brothers. Which is what we have a trailer for today. Occasionally some scamp will hack a youtube account and replace the normal videos with something awful like ‘One Man, One Jar’. If you’re lucky that will happen here, before you try to watch this.

Lindsay will show her spread to Ellen, so to speak

By brendon December 07, 2011 @ 4:43 PM


In her 5th “first interview since getting out of jail”, Lindsay Lohan will unveil her issue of Playboy on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ on December 15th, about a week before the magazine goes on sale. It sounds sexy already!

“The pictorial is absolutely fantastic and very tasteful, and will be accompanied by an interview that will let readers see another side of Lindsay,” her rep said.

In other words the pictures will be boring and the interview will be a pack of lies. It’ll be Lindsay lighting a candle while white hair extensions hide her tits above a quote saying she gets visits from the Angel Moroni. “The first time the angel was all, ‘you’re doing great Lindsay, no drugs or nothin, why is that judge such a cunt for no reason you didn’t even do anything’, and I was like, ‘I know right! I been saying that the whole time Macaroni Angel but everyone is all like nu-uh Lindsay you’re lyin’.”

(image source = fame)

models make Miami beach fun

By brendon December 07, 2011 @ 12:44 PM


Aida Yespica is a model from Venezuela who lives in Italy, and Claudia Galanti is a model from Paraguay who lives in Italy, and I’m already hopelessly confused but don’t care because there’s been almost no tits on the page lately and that is a heartbreaking outrage. Luckily Aida and Claudia were in Miami yesterday, grabbing each others asses.

The only down side was there was some dumbass kid in those pictures, and that little dick was ruining everything so he got photoshoped out. Obviously it would have been better if they left the kid in the car all day or sold him to a farm, but that’s apparently illegal thanks to these pussy Democrats we keep electing.

(image source = splash. btw this might be one of those very rare times when following me on twitter would be worthwhile)

Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane

By brendon December 07, 2011 @ 11:22 AM


The reason you’re not allowed to use electronic devices on a plane during take off and landing isn’t because planes aren’t iPad proof, but because that’s when most accidents happen, and you may need to quickly focus on emergency instructions. If the air bag drops down, and you take your headphones out and yell, “what the hell is this thing”, the flight attendant is probably just gonna flip you off, and rightfully so.

But apparently this is all news to Alec Baldwin, who got kicked off an American Airlines flight from LA to New York yesterday. He tweeted

“Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving.”

If it seems unreasonable to kick someone off a plane for quietly playing a game while parked at the gate, thats because it is, and because that’s not what happened. He left out the part where they were actually on the runway ready to take off and that he locked himself in the bathroom, screaming at everyone and pounding on the walls. The New York Post says…

“Apparently he said he was playing a game, but he was actually talking on the phone. She [the flight attendant] was very nice. The door was closed they just announced that they were pulling away from the gate. He got up threw his papers on the floor stormed into the bathroom slammed the door closed, beat on the wall and then came back.”
“He said ‘If you want to kick me off, kick me off.’ He was just crazy, he just flipped out, the guy has problems.”
A crew member who dealt with (Baldwin) said he couldn’t stay on the flight.
“He was violent, abusive and aggressive. He got into the bathroom and started beating on the wall and he pounded his fists on the galley counter. Yelling, screaming, very ugly. It was unsafe to keep him on board that’s why he got kicked out.”
The crew member did not want to give her name, but said she asked him five times to get off his phone.
“He was asked five times. I contacted the captain. We were brought back in and he was let off the plane.”

I like the phrase “thrown off a flight” because I picture a plane at 30,000 feet with the door open and two of the pilots each holding one of Baldwins arms and legs, swinging him back then flinging him out into the clouds. And then one of the pilots looks back into the cabin, gestures toward the open door and says, “no ticket”, like Indiana Jones did in ‘Last Crusade’, and then everyone would laugh because it’s a pretty good joke. The imaginary pilot I just made up has impeccable comic timing.

Jesse James did not “diss” Sandra Bullock

By brendon December 06, 2011 @ 6:15 PM

Last night during the premiere of his season on ‘American Chopper’, Jesse James dismissively referred to Sandra Bullock simply as “some Hollywood actress”, and I know this because dozens of celebrity sites (including UsE!Access Hollywood and the Huffington Post) are saying he did, all with a report that is basically some version of this:.

Jesse James continues to be in the running for worst ex of 2011! His latest comment for consideration comes in the form of a slam about ex-wife Sandra Bullock.
“I became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad,” Jesse said (as) he apologized to his fans (we’re not exactly sure who and where these “fans” are!). “I feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ‘em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.”

Problem is that everyone is skipping over the first part, where he explains why he moved to Austin and mentions her by name, which puts things in a better context.

“I started coming to Texas about 6, 7 years ago, because Sandy lived down here. I just felt relaxed here, and now I can look out and see trees, and birds. I just became a big shot and married some Hollywood actress and didn’t talk to anybody anymore, so I feel bad and feel obligated to reconnect with all these people and show ‘em that I’m still the same fabricator motorcycle guy. I’m not what I became.”

So in reality he said that he moved cross country to spend more time with Sandra Bullock, which is actually a nice thing to say, yet it got twisted into a dismissive insult by a sector of the media run almost exclusively by women and gay guys so they could make a guy who cheated look like an asshole. Or at least that’s how I’m preemptively spinning what they do, just in case I ever get caught cheating on someone famous.

Hey. Jackass. On the set of ‘Revenge’. Move.

By brendon December 06, 2011 @ 5:07 PM


Margarita Levieva is in Marina del Rey today filming scenes for the new ABC show ‘Revenge’, and I don’t know the name of the guy standing in our way while she wears daisy dukes and bends over, but if someone could go hit him with an oar, that would be terrific.

(image source = pacific coast)

Tom Cruise paid Indian people to be “excited fans”

By brendon December 06, 2011 @ 3:50 PM


When Tom Cruise finally landed in India for the premiere of ‘Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol’ yesterday, the airport was mobbed with hundreds of people shouting his name and asking for autographs. Because that’s what they were paid to do, according to a report that seems to have originated here.

One of the people hired to shriek said…

“I don’t know who he is or what he does. We were told to come here by 1pm today and wait for a foreign VIP to come out of the airport gate and scream and shout when he came.”

And another added…

“None of us know who Tom is. There was a buffet lunch also for us and we were paid Rs 150 for this job today. We do this for TV shows and other such events where crowds are required.”

I don’t know if those sources are lying or not, but I do know that these are the same people who tried to pull out Indiana Jones’ heart while it was still beating, and they stole that villages magic rock too, so, personally, I don’t trust them.

(image source = splash)

making Britney diet is a good way to get fired

By brendon December 06, 2011 @ 2:29 PM


I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but Britney Spears (seen above with comedian Jim Norton at her show Saturday night in Mexico City) looks different than she did 5 years ago, and that’s mostly because she eats nothing but cheetos and twizzlers and Taco Bell. Her trainer tries to make her diet, and tells her to maybe eat some food from earth instead.

Needless to say he’s been fired.

Britney Spears’ infamous trainer Derek DeGrazio has gotten the boot for restricting her diet too much. “It was amicable,” says an insider to In Touch. Britney, 30, doesn’t want to worry about every single thing that goes into her mouth anymore. “She knows Jason loves her no matter what and he has encouraged her not to stress about it.” Adds the insider, “But Derek felt Britney made him look bad when she cheated on her diet.”

If this guy was the one taking s’mores away from Britney, he’s lucky he was only fired. He’s lucky she didn’t chop off his hands.

(image source = splash)