Jennifer Aniston is distancing herself from Chelsea Handler

By brendon December 22, 2010 @ 4:49 PM

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When we last saw Jennifer Aniston, she was pouting (shocking, I know) about Chelsea Handler calling Angelina Jolie a “cunt”, immediately after Handler and Aniston went on vacation together. Apparently Aniston thought everyone would assume they spent the vacation trashing Angelina. And 10 points to Aniston, because she was correct, and that is in fact what everyone thinks.

Now, Popeater says Aniston has done what she does best: excruciating amounts of soul searching followed by feeling sorry for herself.

“Jen and Chelsea haven’t officially fallen out but they certainly won’t be going on vacation together for a long time unless Chelsea promises to never talk about Angelina again,” a friend of Chelsea’s tells me. “She understands that what Chelsea did was out of loyalty, but it didn’t help. In fact, it made things worse.”
“Jen is a very private person. It’s one thing to crash Angelina in private; it’s another to do it in public. Chelsea should have known better and is feeling Jen’s cold shoulder for her mistake.”

No, Jen is not a very private person. That’s why we’re still talking about this. Because she cried about Brad Pitt Brad Pitt Brad Pitt to anyone who would listen for 5 years. You could record every single word Pitt says for an entire year, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d swear he’d never even met Jennifer Ansiton.

Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay!!!

By brendon December 22, 2010 @ 11:57 AM

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Dawn Holland is the former Betty Ford employee who confronted Lindsay after she went to a bar and broke curfew, so TMZ paid Holland $10,000 for an interview (a confidentiality violation that has since gotten her fired) to describe what happened that night. A few highlights…

– Holland says she was called in by Betty Ford security to do a breathalyzer test on Lindsay and her two roommates after they returned (although now Lindsay says she was not at a bar and was actually getting her hair done.)
– When confronted, Holland says Lindsay “threw the phone … I threw up my left hand to block it and then she grabbed my right hand and tried to snatch the phone that I had up to my ear, then called me a ‘C__T B___H.’”
– During all this, Lindsay called her mom, who told Lindsay “no one had to submit to a breathalyzer test.” 
– Holland writes one of the roommates admitted drinking, and then went into Lindsay’s bedroom and Lindsay “yelled at me that she was talking to her mother and her mother told her she didn’t have to breathalyze, she asked me if I wanted to speak to her mother but would never hand me the phone.”
– In the report Holland says she told Lindsay — whose code name at the clinic is Bella G. — “You know that I could press charges against you for putting your hands on me.  And she replied ‘Oh, you want money.’”

Holland has been called an opportunistic gold digger by her ex-husband, so yes, maybe she does want money, but she’s not gonna get any out of Lindsay. She’s broke and always will be. A year ago she could have at least turned to prostitution. Now, just get a strip of leather, tape a picture of Lindsays face on it and lay it over a chain link fence. Now fuck it. There, I just saved you $2,000.

“Lindsay is in very, very big trouble.”

By brendon December 22, 2010 @ 9:52 AM

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Believe me, I know. How many times have we heard, “Lindsay Lohan is in big trouble.” Yet she get’s out of it, every single time. The courts and sheriff have given her a free pass to do whatever the hell she wants, and what she wants is to be a drunken asshole.

This time Lindsay reportedly went to a bar, broke curfew, got into an altercation with a staff member at the Betty Ford Center and refused a breathalyzer; every one of which is a violation of the conditions she was given by a judge to stay out of jail. So will this be different? Let me put it this way: No. Why on earth would it be?

“Judge Fox made it very clear to Lindsay: a dirty test, or a refusal to submit to a test, would be counted and considered as a dirty test,” a source told Radar exclusively.
Lohan eventually took an alcohol test — and passed it — the morning after the incident and her initial refusal.
“Lindsay is in very, very big trouble. It’s very likely Judge Fox will haul her into court in the next week to deal with this,” the source added.
“Judge Fox had been willing to give her a second chance, but it appears that she has squandered that. She is seriously looking at six months in county jail.”

At this point, nothing short of a hanging will seem appropriate. She’s broken so many damn rules, it’s hard to believe she doesn’t play for Auburn.

Scarlett Johansson was mean to Ryan Reynolds

By brendon December 21, 2010 @ 3:57 PM

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Most people were surprised when Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson announced their separation last week, because in their statement, they dropped the N bomb 14 times. Everything was N-word this and N-word that, It Was Ridiculous!

But what wasn’t surprising was that they were having problems, at least that’s what Us magazine says, according to people who worked with Reynolds on the Green Lantern.

It was “open on set that he and Scarlett [Johansson] were having problems.”
Reynolds “would say that she treated him badly,” the insider explains. “It never seemed like she made him a priority.”
Reynolds is now “beyond sad and depressed,” another pal says.
Johansson, meanwhile, is less broken up about the situation. “She was disconnected and disaffected” about the split, the source says. “It was harsh.”

Maybe this is why the Green Lantern looks so horrible. Maybe Ryan was real sad all the time. Maybe the movie will have a 70 minute block in the middle where he listens to the Eternal on a loop and cries and carves “fatty” into his arm. And maybe that will still be better than Spiderman 3.

Lindsay Lohan assaulted a staff member at Betty Ford

By brendon December 21, 2010 @ 2:00 PM

Lindsay Lohan Arriving At Court In Beverly Hills

Lindsay Lohan has patiently tried to explain to us that she’s a sweet little angel and everyone is mean to her all the time for no reason, and yet we did nothing, and now it’s happened again. This time a staff member at Betty Ford actually started a fight with Lindsay, out of nowhere, for no reason whatsoever.

It all started when Lindsay left rehab and went to a bar, then broke curfew…

The Palm Desert Police Department is now investigating an altercation that occurred after Lindsay and her roommates reportedly went to a bar and came back home.  Upon arriving at the house, the incident with a female staffer from Betty Ford allegedly went down.
The police received a call at 1:03 AM on December 12 for “hand-to-hand battery.”
Cops came to Betty Ford after receiving the call and interviewed both the staffer and Lindsay.  We’re told the staffer “desired prosecution.”

Does Lindsay have a different version of the story, one where she’s the victim? Oh gosh I don’t know, let’s find out…

Lindsay claims a female staff member was “unfairly” scolding her about the situation  … and demanded the actress take a drug/alcohol test. We’re told it was during the heated exchange that the woman “put her hands on Lindsay.”
Lindsay claims she told the woman, “Take your hands off of me” and then “pushed back.”
We’re told Lindsay feels the staffer has had it out for her for a while … and with LiLo reaching the end of her stay at the clinic, the actress believes the staffer was looking for a final confrontation.

Yeah that’s what I was thinking too. This woman had it out for Lindsay. It makes perfect sense. I imagine the drug councilors at Betty Ford to be real petty and vindictive people, with no patience or sympathy. Lindsay, on the other hand, is a delight, whose biggest fault is her love for following the rules. Someone needs to bang a gavel because as far as I’m concerned, this case is closed.

Lady Gaga is fan friendly

By brendon December 21, 2010 @ 12:11 PM

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Lady Gaga is known for having a good relationship with her fans, but apparently that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to feel her tits, because she got upset about it yesterday in Paris when one if them did that. In the fans defense, if you don’t want people touching you to see if something is real, maybe you shouldn’t give them the impression that you might be a ghost from the Titanic.

(source = pacific coast news)

Tracy Morgan had a kidney transplant

By brendon December 21, 2010 @ 11:44 AM

(why would a 42 year old have organs randomly shutting down? maybe the story Jay Mohr told on Opie and Anthony about him and Tracy doing PCP is related in some way)

Tracy Morgan has had diabetes since 1996 but, and this is gonna amaze you, but he says he didn’t really take it seriously or take care of himself until 2006 when he got sick and almost had his foot amputated. But since then he’s turned things around and things are going great.

Oh wait never mind no they’re not.

Tracy Morgan had a kidney transplant and will miss at least two episodes of the NBC sitcom.
Morgan had successful surgery “on or around Dec. 10,” and the show’s writers will work his absence into the show by saying he had “some sort of meltdown because of a good thing that’s happened to him.”
Morgan, who plays Tracy Jordan on “30 Rock,” could miss up to three episodes, depending of his recovery, with his missed episodes slated to air in March.

You can’t help but be impressed by NBC’s obvious concern. About their TV show at least. Not so much for their employee. “We need to stop casting, you know, those people. They’re always getting diabetes, I think they like it,” NBC probably said.

Lindsay Lohan is still drinking while in rehab

By brendon December 20, 2010 @ 5:53 PM

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On October 22nd, Judge Elden Fox went against all common logic and the recommendation of the Los Angeles DA by sending Lindsay Lohan to rehab instead of jail for repeatedly violating her probation after a DUI back in… I don’t even know anymore. It seems like 50 years ago. I remember I had to get my parents permission to go online and read the story when it happened, and the internet kept going down when the phone rang.

But the judge bought her bullshit story about wanting to change, just like the judges before him, and gave her another chance. So with 59 days down and 14 to go, let’s see how Lindsay is doing in rehab. TMZ says…

Lindsay Lohan (and her) roommates had a party a week ago last Saturday night, (and) the booze was flowing.

Are you surprised? I know I was surprised.

We’re told Lindsay and her roomies were staying at a satellite house at the Betty Ford Clinic. The roommates were “drinking heavily” and somehow the Betty Ford people found out and busted them.
The roommates were moved back to the main facility at Betty Ford, which has more supervision.
As for Lindsay, we’re told there was no evidence she had been drinking, but we’re told after the incident Betty Ford officials decided Lindsay could not leave the area for Christmas.
We’re also told Lindsay has gone back to the main Betty Ford facility, not for punishment but for “intensive therapy.”
By the way, sources connected with Lindsay are telling us she went out with two of her roommates the night of the party to a bar. We could not independently confirm the story, however, again, we’re told there’s no evidence Lindsay was drinking.

Um, yes, there is evidence she was drinking. The evidence is that she’s Lindsay Lohan. She’s a drunken loser who doesn’t give a fuck and thinks knows she’s above the law.

Just for posterity’s sake, let’s flash back to what the judge told Lindsay on October 22nd.

“Let me be clear; I’m going to do exactly what the DA wants if you violate the program in any way, if you leave the program early, and if you test positive.”

What the DA wanted was to throw Lindsay in jail. “Exactly” what the DA wanted was to throw Lindsay in jail for a long time. This is only a guess but I assume holding a house party while in rehab is a violation of the program. So will Lindsay be going to jail now? Oh, gosh, I wonder what the answer will be. Hold on to your hats because I bet it’s surprising!