Jordan Bratman won’t leave

By brendon October 26, 2010 @ 10:32 AM

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Christina Aguilera was back on stage last night for the first time since announcing her divorce, performing at Justin Timberlakes annual charity concert in Las Vegas. Then it was right back home. Which in this case is a hotel room since her husband won’t leave her real home. The Sun says…

CHRISTINA AGUILERA has moved into a hotel — because her soon-to-be ex-husband is still living at home.
And Jordan has no plans to pack up and leave the marital home anytime soon.
It’s thought the couple separated in early September but continued to live under the same roof with their two-year-old son MAX.
However, relations between the two have become so strained that Christina’s been staying in a hotel room.

She needs to handle this delicately, because you just know this freaky bitch has like 8000 sex tapes. If he get’s angry and vindictive and leaked some, it would be a reprehensible thing to do, but she can’t take the chance. Speaking of porn, why do those movies always have so much profanity? Why not clean up the language a little so more people can enjoy the movie? These ears aren’t trash cans, ya know.

its Playmates trying on sexy costumes

By brendon October 25, 2010 @ 2:27 PM

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Playmates Tiffany Jordan (blonde), Nicole Narain (brunette) and Christi Shake (red head) went costume shopping this weekend, perhaps to reinvent themselves as they run from their past. Or maybe for Halloween. I didn’t really read the fine print because I have a 100 degree fever today. Tell them to stop spinning around so I can whack off to one.

Lindsay Lohan needs a sponser to pay for rehab

By brendon October 25, 2010 @ 12:47 PM

Lindsay Lohan Arriving At Court In Beverly Hills

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have any money because work is no fun and drugs are expensive, so it makes you wonder how she’s gonna pay for 4 months in rehab at the prestigious Betty Ford Center. And apparently it makes her wonder too, because she has absolutely no idea. Popeater says…

“Lindsay can’t afford to pay for treatment,” a friend told me. “Three months at the facility will cost her almost $50,000, which she doesn’t have.”
“There is simply no money left,” an insider tells me. “Lindsay manages to live high off the generosity of others. However asking for free clothes and dinners at fancy restaurants is one thing, asking for $50,000 cash is something totally different. Her people tried and failed to sell her first post rehab interview for big bucks, so her only option now is to find some sort of sponsor.”

Well I’m not just gonna give her 50 grand, but I will take a look if they have some sort of proposal spelling out what she’ll be doing in return. And just to be clear, if the words “backdoor” and “cum-soaked” and “swallow” aren’t on there, go back and rewrite it.

Anne Heche is easily relaxed

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 7:13 PM

Anne Heche

Anne Heche was walking around in New York today, and, as famous and totally-not-crazy people often do, she stopped and took a nap on a bench outside a store.

In her defense, the demons in her head were humming a soothing lullaby at the time, and that wooden bench does look comfy. Anyone would have a hard time keeping their eyes open in a situation like that.

(source = inf daily)

Megan Fox. And a tiger.

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 3:54 PM

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Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green went to the Big Cat Encounters Ranch in Pahrump, Nevada, and played with an adult tiger and even got to feed a baby tiger with a bottle of milk.

As the male, Brian will now be accepted by the tigers from this day on, and they’ll welcome him back forever. Even other tigers will know it. So, if Brian is at the zoo or something, he should go give the tigers a big hug. Go on Brian, it’ll be fine. You’re brothers now. Maybe you can go this weekend.

Lindsay Lohan is spooky

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 2:23 PM

Lindsay Lohan

Before going to court this morning and having the California legal system show its complete and undeniable incompetence once again, Lindsay Lohan stopped at a Starbucks in Moreno, California, and I guess they sell blankets now because she left wearing one. And then when they got in the van, the guy with the silver hair and mustache pulled it off her, like some kind of incredibly disappointing magic trick.

UPDATE – Lindsay is going back to rehab, NO JAIL TIME

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 11:12 AM

Lindsay Lohan Arriving At Court In Beverly Hills

8:08am – Lindsay Lohan was nice and early for court this morning, arriving at 8:03am for her 8:30am appearance before Judge Elden Fox for violating probation. She could be sentenced to up to one year in jail today, but that’s unlikely. What is very likely is my boredom/disappointment.

8:20amE! says Lindsay is very likely to go back to jail today. “Judge Elden Fox refused to meet with (Lohans attorney) Shawn Chapman Holley in the run-up to the hearing and is expected to hand down today’s sentence with a very heavy hand.” And then the pussy sheriff will let her right back out. Just leave the car running Dina.

8:30am – this should begin any second. Glad I’m not the judge. One look at those tits of hers and I’d let her right back out. My city would be lawless but very busty.

8:40am – Lindsay is seated in court, waiting for the judge. No cameras in the courtroom today.

8:48am – Lohans attorney is privately meeting with the judge in chambers, and just before she went in, she nodded at Lindsay, then made the “blowjob” sign where she has her hand up by her mouth and pushes her tongue against the inside of her mouth. What a lawyer!

9:02am – zzzzzzzz, zzzzzzzzzz.

9:14am - Lindsays attorney is out of chambers, and Lindsay reportedly looks “relieved” now, and was even seen showing her platform heels to her mom. Fantastic.

9:26am – watching raw feed from the networks, it sounds like Lindsay is going back to rehab. No jail.

9:29am – she is going back to Betty Ford until January 3rd. NO FUCKING JAIL TIME. At all. Prosecutors were asking for the full 180 days of jail time for violating her probation, the judge said he would give her 30 days for each violation, instead HE GAVE HER NONE. NOT ONE FUCKING DAY IN JAIL.

10:01am – Unfuckingbelievable. Among other things, here’s what Lindsays attorney said before sentencing…

“Relapse is a part of recovery, she Is here today with her counselor from Betty Ford, I would ask the court to not punish her, she is trying her best, she would like to remain in Betty Ford and continue her treatment.”

And this is what the Judge said…

“Let me be clear I’m going to do exactly what the DA wants if you violate the program in any way, if you leave the program early, and if you test positive.”

And yes, that’s the same thing he told her last time too. And it’s what the judge before this told her. And the judge before that. And now he’s just gonna sit there. I don’t give a fuck if she gets off drugs, she broke the fucking law, again and again. “He who spares the wicked injures the good.” Do you know who said that? Well I don’t because I don’t read books, but it sounds like someone smart.

Friday morning headlines

By brendon October 22, 2010 @ 10:56 AM

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BRADLEY COOPER – was NOT one of the cast members who complained about Mel Gibson and got him kicked off ‘Hangover 2′, and only E! is giving credit/blame to anyone but Zach Galifianakis (they say it was Warner Brothers management). Nobody likes a tattle tale, Zach. (e!, tmz)

CHRISTINA AGUILERA – says daily life is a struggle since deciding to get a divorce, and refuses to address any rumors of infidelity. “Out of respect for my husband, I prefer to keep the specifics private.” Oh is that right? Well maybe this… 20 dollar bill will change your mind. (nydn)

TYLER HAS SEXY READERSlike Danielle, the girl in the headline picture, (go to her myspace music page). (UPDATE – Danielle decided she didn’t like that picture. Actually Danielle’s bf didn’t like it. So now it’s a picture of my beloved Brooke.) People liked this contest so it’s back, now with a monthly vote for $1000. Sexy girls have enough obstacles in life – the stigma of beauty, jealousy, books – and up until now they’ve been hot for free. I think that’s terrible, and I’m not gonna stand for it. (contest details)

SEAN PENN – was filming ‘This Must Be The Place’ in NYC yesterday, “dressed in drag (to play) a retired rock star setting out to find his father’s executioner, an ex-Nazi war criminal who is a refugee in the U.S.” Is it me or does it sound like someone dropped two unrelated scripts a few months ago and mixed up some of the pages, and now they’re filming that shit? (pcn)