madonna is a liar

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 11:17 AM

When Madonna fell off her horse during a riding session in New York four days ago, her publicist Liz Rosenberg does what she always does and blamed everyone else.  The Daily Mail says…

Her spokesperson Liz Rosenberg claimed the horse was 'startled by paparazzi jumping out of the bushes'.

Makes is sound so dramatic.  Like Madonna was peacefully enjoying the woods, floatin around like a little angel, and the pap's jumped from their hiding spot yelling "booga booga booga".  But another, more accurate way to look at it, is that the paparazzi had nothing to do with it and weren't near her in any way and she fell because she’s 900 years old and old people can't judge depth or distance. 

However, a police report said the singer did not report the supposed involvement of a photographer.
Sgt Herbert Johnson of Southampton Village Police Department (said): 'There is no mention of photographers. It's a matter of spin control that went out of control.
'If they felt there was something else, they would have written "paparazzi" in the form – if they felt there was a problem.'

This wobbly old hag better drink some milk and be glad she’s still alive.  She must have landed in a pile of pillows because normally someone that old would have exploded into a cloud of dust.

“For the record, I am a size 2″

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 11:05 AM

Kim Kardashian must not think very much of us, because on her blog today she says she offended by an article in Us Magazine that shows her picture in an article about Forever 21 and their new “plus sized” line.  It doesn’t say she needs them or wears them or anything about her weight or size in any way, just that she is a fan of Forever 21.  Nonetheless, she writes:

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I'm very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a "fuller-figured woman" of extra large proportions is a little offensive.
For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.  

It’s no secret that designers have “vanity sizing”, meaning a designer size 2 is actually around a 6 or 8.  So if you’re famous you can just call stuff whatever you want and the rest of us are just supposed to play along.  So Kim can get a Vons Club card and tell us she’s a Admiral in the Navy now, and she won an Olympic gold medal after completing a strip aerobics class at Crunch.

DECEPTIVE UPDATE – size 2 ass, yesterday in Mexico.

michelle rodriguez went nuts again

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 10:14 AM

Michelle Rodriguez has a long history of dangerous and unstable behavior (cliff notes here), but it’s not a big deal because the cops in LA are cool, they’re not all uptight like some cops, so she pretty much coasts along in life doing whatever the hell she wants.  With that in mind, try to guess what this story is about.

Rodriguez was no model bridesmaid at the four-day wedding of her best friend and manager, Giancarlo Chersich.
At the welcome dinner, Rodriguez pushed fully clothed guests into the pool. The next night, she broke up the bachelorette party yelling that the stripper was "fat and had a small [bleep]."
Rodriguez was ticked off when the dancer asked for a volunteer at the beginning of his routine and then made the willing babe kneel down. "That's bull[bleep]," the sexy star yelled. "He should be kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette party."

Not to defend Michele's actions, but she’s an angry spoiled bitch, so when you invite her nice places, that’s how she’s gonna act.  Yelling at her would be like yelling at a dog for chasing a squirrel, or a retard for having Downs.

(i thought i could work in the pictures of her skinny dipping at skybar a few years ago, but that obviously didn't work out)

ms. california wont back down

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 8:53 AM

Ms. California Carrie Prejean went on the Today show this morning to defend her answer about gay marriage during the Ms. USA pageant Saturday night.  Prejean is religious, so when asked by Perez Hilton if gay marriage should be legal in California, she said, in accordance to how she was raised, “I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.”  This “dumb bitch”, as Perez called her, should have given a more inclusive answer, and deserved to lose because of this.  In an unrelated topic, Perez voted for Barrack Obama, who said, “I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.”  Anyway, on the Today show, Prejean said:

"I did not want to offend anybody, but I think with that question specifically, it's not about being politically correct, for me it was being biblically correct," she told Lauer.

Obviously Perez thinks gays should have the right to marry.  Which is fine with me, I don’t really give a shit.  Look, I just got dumped (which is why I’m so out of it today), I assure you, I’m all in favor of a relationship where a guy doesn’t have to deal with women and their fucking insanity, but Perez is a narcissistic sociopath who attacks anyone who disagrees with him.  How is this dude on TV and I’m not?  I’d rather watch a show where they just bring out some sick kittens and watch them die.

what a hot couple

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 12:45 PM

The things you always hear about these two are that she’s a complete bitch and he’s gay.  And if you imagine yourself as either one of them, is it really surprising?  If you were him would you rather take a gentleman in your mouth or get on that goblin wife of his.  This is what she looks like out on the town.  If you saw her just stepping out of the shower you might literally die.  And he’s no better.  He looks like Thomas Edison, if Edison were alive and in his 40’s and off-the-charts queer.

this is gonna be a good movie

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 7:56 AM

I hope when Jessica Biel does interviews to promote "Powder Blue" and she’s asked why she played a stripper, she says, “Well I read the script and fell in love with it and I called my agent and I said, ‘I don’t care about the nudity, I have to play this character.’”  Because I like when people just blatantly lie.  But at least she’s a stripper who takes her damn clothes off, unlike “strippers” such as Lindsay Lohan and Natalie Portman.  There’s a word to describe strippers who dance around in bikinis or with their hands over their chest: Fired.

(calendary fact: the theatrical release date is May 8th and the DVD release is June 9th.  there’s no way that’s a good sign)

this chicks dad is nuts

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 7:32 AM

I haven't seen "Slumdog Millionaire" yet because I get uncomfortable around minorities, especially from poor countries.  They smell funny and dress weird and are almost always better at math than me which is extra embarrassing because they only own like two things so what the fuck could they possibly be counting.  But everyone who can look past skin color that has seen the movie says it’s great.  I assumed I would get depressed because their life was so awful.  Oh hey I guess I was mistaken.

The father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali reportedly offered to sell his 9-year-old daughter for nearly $300,000, Britain's News of the World reports.
…the paper posed as a wealthy Middle Eastern family interested in buying the girl.
"I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future," said Rubina's dad, Rafiq Qureshi, who claims to be broke and left with "nothing" from the Oscar-winning flick.
The paper claims that Rubina was originally being sold for $75,000, but her father raised the price after the success of Slumdog.
"The child is special now," the girl's uncle said, according to the paper. "This is an Oscar child!"

I know this is the easy approach to take, but 300,000 GD dollars?!  How high is this dude?  You can go to Alabama and buy a kid for 50 bucks.  Go to Mexico and trade a shoe for one.  She better have just swallowed $299,000 worth of opium if this dude thinks he’s gettin 3.

coachella was a feast for the eyes

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 5:42 AM

There was some serious eye candy at Coachella this weekend, including the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, Kirsten Dunst, and without a bra no less.  It’s sort of admirable that she wouldn't wear a bra and also pull her hair up so it looks short.  It’s like she’s a boy, which is way more honest than pretending she looks anything like a human girl.

(image source = wenn)