Steve Martin has advice for Eddie Murphy

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 1:37 PM


Steve Martin went on his website (wait what?) and posted some advice for Eddie Murphy when he hosts the Oscars this year. Some if it is funny (mocking losers), some of it is not (a hanging chad reference?) but at least he tried. Unlike you, who just sat there this whole time. God I hate you so much!

Jennifer Aniston demanded an apology

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 12:24 PM


Long story short; Jennifer Aniston is a dull witted bore, and Brad Pitt insinuated as much in Parade magazine, which of course made her go all apeshit. Us says

Brad Pitt made a big-time boo-boo (in) a Parade interview in which he casually slammed his five-year marriage to Jennifer Aniston
And, yes, his 42-year-old ex-wife got wind of the catty comment. “She was annoyed,” a pal (said). “She thought it was rude and inappropriate.”
Team Aniston — her agent and publicists — “went ballistic” and angrily reached out to Pitt’s camp.
“They got his team involved and Brad was read the riot act.”
Within 24 hours, Pitt had surprisingly released a statement lamenting that his words were misinterpreted, and that his former love “is an incredibly giving, loving and hilarious woman.”
Still, the Pitt source says, “no one believes his words were taken out of context — he said what he said. I do hear that he’s remorseful.”
And although Pitt is clearly blissed out with Jolie, 36, and their six kids, “We think he’s jealous she’s in love,” the source says.

Hahaha, hahaha. Yeah, yeah that’s totally it. Brad Pitt is jealous of Anistons C-list boyfriend who’s name I dont feel like looking up because who cares. And the Patriots are jealous of the Chiefs too. By the way, name anything Jennifer Aniston has ever done that was interesting in any way. For example, here are some things Angelina Jolie has done in the past 12 months:

– Secretly went to Ramstein Air Force base in Germany to visit injured American troops (more).
– Visited the Tunisian-Libyan border as part of her role as a UN ambassador (more).
– Went to Pakistan with the UN Human Refugee Agency “to draw the world’s attention towards the plight of 21 million people affected by the country’s worst-ever floods.” (more)
– Moved out of their mansion in France and into a mansion in Scotland (more).

And here’s a list for Aniston…

– Got ripped off by a vending machine.
– Saw a pelican.

Brad Pitt has some nerve!

Scarlett Johansson is rude

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 5:39 PM


Scarlett Johansson got a little flippant (i hate myself) with the paparazzi while taking her mom to physical therapy today in New York. I’m not sure but it sort of looks like her mom had a stroke. Maybe that’s why she’s needs physical therapy. But don’t just take my word on it. As a rule I’m guessing that women don’t like it when you look at their face and ask about their stroke if they never had one.

(image source = inf)

John Travolta endorses planes

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 5:38 PM


Doesn’t seem like it would be that hard to contact the 50 people on earth on the market for a private plane one by one, but apparently it is, so Bombardier hired John Travolta to promote their new planes in a photo shoot today in LA. And you know what phrase was never heard once? “Hey John, could you maybe look a little more gay?” The limited edition Travolta T1 is the only plane that comes with blacked out windows and a trap door for any male prostitutes who can’t keep a secret.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Britney Spears (?) is a comic now

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 4:34 PM


The life story of Britney Spears is now being told in comic book form by someone who has apparently never seen Britney Spears, but has heard several things about her. From her humble origins of greased pig wraslin back home in Kentwood, Louisiana, to her days as a superstar that apparently wears boots but no pants, it’s all here!

Anna Faris is awesome

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 3:50 PM


Anna Faris attended the LA premiere of What’s Your Number last night, which makes sense because she’s the star of it. As well she should be because she’s fantastic. I have no idea how but she’s still underrated as a comedic actress. Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston are put in comedies yet all those dummies do is read words off a page. They add nothing. It’s literally nothing more than a joke was written down, and now they’re gonna say it out loud. Every Cameron Diaz movie could be made a billion times better if they simply cut to shots of the script during her scenes and let me read her part myself.

(image source = fame)

the Nic Cage “vampire” picture is for sale

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 12:51 PM


Though it seems to be down this morning, a seller on ebay is asking for 1 million dollars to buy a picture he claims is proof that Nic Cage is some sort of undead vampire.

“Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” the seller — who’s asking $1 million for the photo — writes on eBay. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.”
The seller, who goes by the name Jack Mord and has 100% positive feedback, insists the photo is the real deal and has not been manipulated in any way to make it resemble Cage.
“Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands,” he adds on eBay.

Wow. One million dollars for a picture of someone who vaguely looks like Nic Cage. That sounds like a good deal. I could get the exact same picture here with a right click-save as, but this auction thing sounds a lot easier. I don’t have all day to be moving my mouse back and forth and hitting all kinds of buttons.

did Amy Schumer go to far?

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 12:35 PM

Last night Comedy Central aired their roast of Charlie Sheen, and even for a roast one joke in particular seemed to get people upset when Amy Schumer made a joke to Steve O about Ryan Dunn. But here’s the thing; fuck Ryan Dunn. It’s not like he was torn out of his house by a tiger. He killed himself and a friend after drinking his way to a BAL just under .2 and then drove his Porsche 130 miles per hour. That dipshit deserved to die. I feel worse for the trees Ryan hit than I do for Ryans friends and family. We needed those, fuckface!

Secondly, Amy Schumer is awesome. She could have handed Steve a sketch of Dunns charred remains for all I care.