Kelly Brook is number 1

By brendon August 28, 2009 @ 6:04 PM

Kelly Brook

I wish I had known about this photo shoot that Kelly Brook did for the new Loaded magazine, because in some of the pictures she has a cigarette in her mouth, and I’d go buy a little tiger striped kitten and I’d be like, “Hey Kelly Brook, I know your modeling but I just rescued this little kitten from a house with monsters and I don’t think it should be around cigarette smoke”.  And she’d be all like, “oh my god you’re so sweet. And brave too. Monsters are scary.” And I’d say, “Yes they are scary.” 

And then after that I guess I’d head home.  It’s getting pretty late.

Michaels death ruled a homicide

By brendon August 28, 2009 @ 4:34 PM

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Hey did you hear that Michael Jackson died? No for real. And today the Los Angeles County coroner officially ruled his death a homicide, saying a lethal dose of the sedative propofol directly caused his death. In part the statement said:

“Cause of death was established as acute propofol intoxication. Other conditions contributing to death: benzodiazepine. The drugs propofol and Lorazepam were found to be the primary drugs responsible for Mr. Jackson’s death. Other drugs detected were midazolam, diazepam, lidocaine, and ephedrine.”

The LA Times explains that “homicide refers to a death at the hand of another person,” but that does not mean the person responsible will be charged with homocide. Dr. Conrad Murray, Jackson’s personal physician and the one who administered the drugs that killed Jackson, is the primary target of a manslaughter investigation. Why him? Well there’s this…

(On the morning Jackson died) Murray administered the sedatives Valium, lorazepam and midazolam — five times over six hours. But none put Jackson to sleep and he continued to demand propofol.
Murray said he finally relented and at 10:40 a.m. added the drug to Jackson’s intravenous drip. That dose — mixed with the cocktail of other sedatives — was enough to kill him.

In the doctors defense, why do they make these names so confusing. Benza-whata-what? I’m not a Navajo Indian or from outer space, can I just have what it is and then a number?  Please.  Sedative 1, Sedative 2, and so on. 1 is a little. 10 is a lot. I could call poison control with a bottle of benzodiazepine in my hand, but when they ask what I took, I’m as good as dead. “Benz… Benzo-die-a, dee-a, is it dee-a, or die-a, benzodee-a… z? Is that another Z? What kind of word has two Z’s? This is a bunch of goddamn gibberish. It sounds like I’m casting a spell over here! What the hell did you people give me!”

Megan Hauserman seems nice

By brendon August 28, 2009 @ 12:32 PM

Megan Hauserman

I can’t host it here, but back in 2007, when Megan Hauserman was a contestant on ‘Beauty and the Geek’, a picture went around that showed a blond, reportedly Megan, on her knees giving oral. Is it really her? Maybe. Look it was two years ago, and I’m not good with names.  She might have said “Megan”, who knows.

UNSEXY UPDATE – image removed by request

We are so screwed

By brendon August 28, 2009 @ 9:12 AM

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Seeing bears scale walls on ladders puts us one step from living in “the Golden Compass”, where armored bears form an army of indestructible killing machines, but at least their discovery of this Rosetta Stone, the key to unlocking new ways to catch and eat us, was a random accident that couldn’t be avoided.

A bear that got stuck in a skateboard park climbed up a ladder to make its escape. The animal had been stuck in the sunken skating bowl overnight and could not get up the steep-sided concrete walls on its own. Officials in the town of Snowmass, Colorado lowered down a long ladder, which the bear walked across before heading back to the woods. The bear was uninjured by its experience.

Well Jesus don’t teach the bears how to climb ladders! We need those walls, to separate the bears from our succulent arms and legs. What’s the second part of your plan, coat doorknobs in honey? Jesus Fuckin Christ, I’m scared to even turn around right now, one of these new Super Bears may have snuck up behind me.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

FUKK THOSE BEARS UPDATE – luckily the great Jimmy Norton of the Opie and Anthony show has a plan to deal with the bears (very NSFW language).  Does it involve flame-throwers? Of course it does. Why wouldn’t it.

Read more >

Mischa Barton is a bad liar

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 6:08 PM

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Mischa Barton tells People magazine that the reason she was 5150′d last month, meaning she was held against her will for at least 72 hours pending a psychiatric evaluation after police deemed her to have a mental disorder that made her a danger to her self or others, is because her tooth hurt.

You know. Her tooth. That’s why the cops thought she was insane/suicidal. Because she had a tooth ache. They should change this law. Last year I was sent to Guantanamo Bay after I ate some ice cream too fast.

Barton explained that the unspecified “medical issues” that led to her hospitalization at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center July 15 were the result of stress from her various work commitments compounded by pain incurred from having her wisdom teeth removed.
“It was like a perfect storm, like everything was happening to me at once,” the thesp told the magazine. “The show, travel and then this fairly routine surgery that went wrong—it’s still just healing. But I had to get through it without proper painkillers because I couldn’t take those during work. So it’s been a nightmare.”

What zoo veterinarian did she go to where she’s worried that she can’t take the pain killers given to her after having a tooth removed? It’s Tylenol 3, not a rifle filled with anesthesia.

Megan Hauserman is doing better

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 4:40 PM

Megan Hauserman

The sixth stage of grief is to walk around a rooftop Hollywood pool in a bikini and drink champagne, so Megan Hauserman from ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’ seems to be recovering nicely after her rejection sent Ryan Jenkins into a dark portal of madness and murder.

Here she is yesterday in LA with some lumbering moose. Maybe that star of David around her neck means she’s taking strength in her faith, and Doofus Frankenstein there is some kind of spiritual adviser ( “-stein” = jewish?).  Another theory is that the majority of attractive women in LA are black-hearted monsters.

(hq jump here. source = inf daily)

Madonna is really brave, smart

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 3:55 PM

Madonna played a show in Bucharest last night and got boo’d because her music is fucking terrible after lecturing the crowd about the level of discrimination in eastern Europe against gypsies. Ha. Well no wonder! What’s next, is she gonna lecture them about hunting leprechauns to steal their gold! (EDIT – Okay apparently gypsies are real.) Madonna said:

“I’ve never been to Romania before and I am happy to be here. But I found out that there is a lot of discrimination against gypsies in Eastern Europe and that makes me very very sad, because we don’t believe in discrimination against anyone. We believe in freedom and equal rights for everyone, right? Gypsies, homosexuals, people who are different; everyone is equal and should be treated with respect, OK? Let’s not forget that.”

Is there some kind of battery or rock shortage I don’t know about in Romania. That condescending bitch landed in your country for the first time ever 10 minutes ago and you’re gonna let her stand there and lecture you like a bunch of retards. Take action! I expected more from you Romania. Vlad the Impaler must be looking down from heaven, heartbroken over what fussy little women you’ve become.

On the flip side, Bono and all those other know-it-all’s have no problem coming over here and telling us what to do, so maybe this is good. Not so goddamn funny now, is it Europe?

it’s Ginger Spice bikini day

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 2:21 PM

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Ginger Spice did some crunches on that yacht and then hit the beach today, and it’s sort of amazing that all the Spice Girls have held up this well. Geri, Mel B, Victoria and … umm … Peaches? Was it Peaches? It must be nice to know you’ve become a trivia question that no one knows the answer to.

(hq jump here.  source = fame)