I’d forgotten how boring holiday weeks can be. When pictures of Katie Price, seen here posing on the set of the UKs ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here’, are considered a welcome relief, you know the day has been boring as hell. If this keeps up, by Wednesday I’ll use a post to see if I can name all 50 states. The last time I tried I got hung up at 48. Although some would say 46, depending on if you count Canada and Baton Rouge as states.
ABC says more than 1,500 people have registered complaints about Adam Lambert’s performance during last nights American Music Awards, which is making news today because of it’s gay sex slave fabulousness. If you haven’t seen it yet, consider yourself lucky.
There were also hostile comments online about the “American Idol” glam rocker who sang his new song “For Your Entertainment” on Sunday’s show with an elaborate, S&M-themed production. Lambert fondled a dancer, led another around on a leash, had a dancer briefly stick his head in Lambert’s crotch and kissed a man.
I have a long list of people to complain about before I get to the gays, but the people who do hate gays should be grateful for Adam Lambert. He’s all their deviant sparkly stereotypes come to life. It would be like if a Nazi found a covetous Jew weighing gold coins on a scale, or a racist found a black kid who looked like this.
People who hate gays should want their kids to see Lambert. It will probably freak them out. It freaks me out and I’m not even paying attention. Of course if seeing some dumb awards show makes your kid gay, you have way bigger problems than Adam Lambert. You better not let him watch ‘Apocalypto’. According to your logic he’ll turn into a Mayan warrior then eat your heart to steal your powers.
Last week, Lindsay Lohan threw a hissyfit after she tried to help herself to $15,000 worth of clothes from the LA store Kitson. You may find this hard to believe, but they didn’t let her. Naturally, Lindsay was offended by this and snapped at the clerk that the store owner would want her to have all this stuff, for free, because he loves her so much. Oh hey guess what.
Kitson heads have blasted the liberty-taking star and insist she’s lucky they’re still stocking her 6126 leggings.
A spokesman said: “We’re actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we’re the customer.
“We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn’t come to the store in three years, and she didn’t even do a personal appearance.
“She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing.
“We don’t know if we’ll continue to carry them.”
That it took even this long is all the proof you need that Hollywood is run by complete morons. No one likes Lindsay. Or Paris or Perez or the people on the Hills. Being affiliated with any of them only makes you look dumb. It would be like having the Klan endorse you for mayor.
Kelly Clarkson was at the American Music Awards last night of course and, um … c’mon. Seriously? It’s fucked up to make fun of her just because of her weight, but jesus, it wouldn’t kill her to meet me halfway. When you’re this fat, even an elevator is considered an exercise machine. She would go into the lobby, press “3” then come out clutching her heart and gasping for air.
Hahaha, you suck Jennifer Lopez! It took an embarrassingly long time to find a quality download for this and then to cut and resize and host it, but it was time well spent to see Jennifa Yopez fall on her fat ass at last nights American Music Awards.
It really tells you what a tub of shit she is that the big acrobatic dance move was to jump off someones back. What does that even prove? That she’s aware of gravity? Big fuckin deal, so am I. Why even risk it? It can only lead to disaster. If you fall down, this happens. If you land on your feet, who the hell cares? Human beings are supposed to be able to hop three feet (with someone helping you, btw) without landing like someone pushed a newborn giraffe onto a frozen lake.
In the post just beneath this one I said Miranda Kerr and her pictures from the Victorias Secret Fashion Show were kind of boring. Obviously that was before I knew she had pranced around all night letting strangers take pictures of her hot little ass. Because it really is awesome. Seriously. Wow. What? Well if you don’t like that kind of thing why are you even here? No. No you’re a pervert. No you are.
NEW MOON – is already breaking records. The ‘Twilight’ sequel made $26.3M when it opened this morning at 12:01a.m. There were so many fat girls concentrated in so few spots, the mass pulled the moon 10 miles closer to America. If there’s a tidalwave, I’ll get you for this, Fatties. (variety)
JON GOSSELIN – entered into a secret business deal that is a clear violation of his TLC contract. This could be the, “smoking gun that will doom Jon in the breach of contract action brought against him by TLC”. To make this story even better, sharpie over all the words except “Jon Gosselin” and “smoking gun”. Ahhh. This is nice, isn’t it. (radar online)
DEMI MOORE – went on twitter yesterday to deny she was photoshopped for the cover of W magazine (this), despite the fact that her left hip doesn’t even remotely line up with her thigh. But one picture that is fake is the one claiming to be my senior portrait, with me playing the clarinet next to an iguana on a pedestal. That could really be anybody. At least anybody with a shirt saying “Brendon has Senior-itis”. (twitter)
MIRANDA KERR – was almost forgotten about. Because she’s kind of boring. But then I saw one of her pictures and was like, oh yeah, Miranda Kerr. That was a good story, wasn’t it. (source = splash and wenn)
South African model Candice Swanepoel might be the big new star to come out of last nights Victorias Secret Fashion Show, and by that I mean, I think you can sort of see her vagina in this one. If you’re wondering if I zoomed in and made that one brighter, well then buckle the fuck up, because the answer is you’re god damn right I did. We really do live in an age of wonders, don’t we my friend.