Bill Clinton Still Likes to Bone

By Matt July 22, 2014 @ 6:47 AM

Clinton

A new book being released about the Clintons claims Bill has a new mistress. I guess she’s replaced the former mistresses who in turn replaced the interns Bill would ream in the Lincoln Bedroom while Linda Bloodworth-Thomason fingered her pudgy crotch in the corner. Bill’s Secret Service detail has nicknamed the new girl ‘Energizer’ in reference to her nonstop fucking abilities. The book has all the super secret classified details:

“It was a warm day, and she was wearing a low cut tank top, and as she leaned over, her breasts were very exposed. They appeared to be very perky and very new and full…There was no doubt in my mind they were enhanced.”

The unnamed agents claim the chick shows up pretty much any time Hillary leaves the couple’s Westchester mansion to travel to sweaty Emmanuelle destinations with Anthony Weiner’s wife. Fifteen years on I think we’ve finally reached the point where nobody blames Bill for requiring the company of women not in gunt-minimizing pantsuits. At some point, even the most ardent teetotaler hands the alcoholic a bottle so he can get some sleep.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Tom Sizemore Denies His Own Tale of President Clinton Banging Elizabeth Hurley

By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 4:08 PM

Elizabeth Hurley Steps Out In Black In London
Here’s an interesting conundrum. If you’re a fucked up junkie like Tom Sizemore who likes to ramble and rant and have your dick sucked on home video, are you more or less likely to be telling the truth being that you’re not in your right mind? Sure, junkies spew tons of nonsense because they’re brains are like Denny’s soft scrambled eggs. But they also have zero barrier for keeping secrets, which is why we shoot captured warriors full of the same narcotics guys like Tom Sizemore smoke and snort to make them spill their guts. So when Tom Sizemore rants about how Bill Clinton strong-armed him in 1998 into setting up a sexual tryst with Sizemore’s ex-model girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley, was it mindless babbling or God’s honest truth? In a taped recording somebody sold of Tom Sizemore to RadarOnline, the drug-addled formerly righteous actor told of a very detailed encounter with then President Clinton during a Saving Private Ryan screening at the White House, where Bill demanded Hurley’s phone number:

Give it to me. You dumb motherfucker, I’m the Commander-in-Chief of the United States of America. The buck stops here. Give me the damn number.

According to Sizemore, Clinton then called Hurley right up and after a quick bit of small talk, the President with the wandering dick moved right into play mode:

Listen Elizabeth, this is the President! I don’t have any time for this shit. I‘m keeping the world from nuclear war all the time. I’m sending a plane to pick you up.

Sizemore rambles on about how Hurley later showed up at the White House, was escorted back into some private area of the residence, and Clinton fucked her brains out for a long weekend. When the Sizemore tapes broke, Elizabeth Hurley immediately denied anything like that shit ever happened and got her lawyers involved. Not long after, Sizemore issued a statement disclaiming his own taped claims as being the ramblings of a fucked up man. But, again, do all the drugs make you a bigger liar or a bigger truth teller? And how many black helicopters were flying over his drug den when he felt compelled to set the record straight.

I doubt any of this shit ever happened. We know Clinton liked to bang girls on the side of the horribly mannish shrew he chose as his wife and career builder. But we also know he preferred the ladies who looked like the fourth most passable waitress at any given Marie Callendars. He was hardly a player in the big leagues. Not that he couldn’t have had JFK like access to tons of Hollywood actresses who thought he was the political messiah, but he preferred his gals with the more easily available truck stop girl appeal. Guys don’t usually move outside their comfort zone, even when they’re keeping the world from nuclear war.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, GQ

Ever Get the Feeling Bill Clinton Is Staring at Your Tits?

By Lex May 28, 2013 @ 4:42 PM


I can respect consistency. Yeah, it’s not so classy I suppose for a gentleman and ex-President to keep peering down at the cleavage of every woman he ran into at a fancy ball in Vienna. And, yes, most men would distinguish between checking out Fergie’s swollen mammaries and popping wood for 78-year old Barbara Eden in her Jeannie costume. But Bill Clinton is a fucking horn dog machine. You can’t take that out of him. There’d be nothing left.

IS HILLARY TOO SEXY?

By brendon December 20, 2007 @ 12:39 PM

If anyone gives a shit what I think about politics they're probably too stupid to read anyway, and in fact they're more than likely wacking the toaster right now wondering why it won't go online, so I'm not gonna go into it, but this picture of Hillary Clinton is getting a lot of play in the press this week as people openly debate if we would vote for someone who looks like she just climbed out of a civil war graveyard.  Would you?  We're pretty vain so who knows.  Isn't there some stat that the tallest candidate has always won the presidential election?  That can't be coincidence.  At some point Bill turned into WC Fields, so maybe these two are just cursed, but he has hands like Shaq so you can guess why he made all the girls tumble.  Show off.

(these are all from bauer-griffin, and under "clinton" they had pictures of angelina and jessica biel too, so dont hate)