R. Kelly Thinks Chris Brown Is Jesus

R. Kelly came to the defense of fellow creepy singer Chris Brown by comparing him to Muhammed Ali, Martin Luther King, and Jesus Christ. Kelly was giving an interview for his new album Black Panties when the subject of his many controversies came up. You know, like him peeing on underaged girls on sex tapes and generally being a weird asshole. But how in the name of Christ can Chris Brown be like Jesus? He says of the...

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Chris Brown Denied Weed In Rehab

Chris Brown is having a little bit of trouble adjusting to anger management rehab. The reason? They took his weed away. It seems that Chris got into an altercation with the staff when they wouldn't let him carry his dank stash into the facility. You know, since they're pretending it's rehab and all. He agreed to give up his phone and the Internet but said that the weed was medically prescribed for depression by his...

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Chris Brown Ordered to Rehab for Being Thrown Out of Rehab

I remember voting in favor of ballot initiatives in California that send non-violent drug arrests to rehab instead of prison. I guess I didn't read the fine print that said violent celebrity offenders also included. Chris Brown got kicked out of rehab for throwing a rock through the window of his mom's car because she thought he should stay in rehab. He was in rehab for punching a dude in the face in D.C. Those seem...

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Anger Rehab Made Chris Brown So Angry

You'd think that violent outbursts in Anger Rehab were pretty common. Sort of like counselors discovering Courtney Love's special rehab pillow cases were made entirely out of edible Oxycodone. Just a by-product of the environment. Apparently not so according to TMZ (who now uses ALL CAPS for emphasis since hiring teams of pre-menstrual high school girls to cover their celebrity beat): Chris Brown went into a VIOLENT...

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Chris Brown Is Already Done With Anger Rehab

Singer Chris Brown checked himself into rehab on October 29 after he was accused of assaulting a man in Washington DC, and he had agreed to voluntarily spend up to three months as a patient at a Malibu facility in order to get to the bottom of his rage and violence issues. But fuck all of that, because he has already checked out after just 16 days, and, according to Radar, his people say that he's going to serve out...

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Chris Brown Sues Woman Suing Him Because He's Bored

From deep within his Anger Management rehab lair in Malibu, Chris Brown is still effectively managing his personal empire like a stalwart mafia don on the inside. Step one, sue some opportunistic chick who's suing him for knocking her to the ground at a nightclub last summer. Chris claims he's innocent. To clear his good name, he's suing Deanna Gines for defaming him by suing him. It all makes sense if you pay your...

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Chris Brown's Fury Ruined Halloween

Two night club Halloween parties canceled. One in L.A., one in Vegas. All thanks to mini-maestro Chris Brown and his fists of uncontrollable rage. I can't imagine the disappointment of thinking you're heading to a Chris Brown Halloween Party only to have Chris check himself into Bruce Banner rehab in Malibu. That sucks. No Chris Brown for you. Who the hell is going to punch you in the face because he thinks your...

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Chris Brown Wants to Understand Why People Get Upset When He Hits Them

You may remember that last time Chris Brown went to anger management counseling, he learned that he can't be leaving visible marks on his bitches when he gets to feeling like a boiling teapot. But that was court appointed counseling. In the manner of the new celebrity justice S.O.P., Chris Brown has checked himself into anger management rehab before he's formally rung up on his latest assault case. "We talked today...

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Tyson Tells Chris Brown To Stop Punching People

Chris Brown was let out of prison today after beating on a guy in D.C. We told you yesterday about the incident in which Brown and his bodyguard kicked some dude's ass outside of the W Hotel for trying to photobomb a picture Chris Brown was taking with a skank fan. The charges were lowered from felony assault to a misdemeanor. But he might still be fucked...literally. He's still s on probation for beating up Rihanna...

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Chris Brown Arrested For Assault...Again

Hey, guess what Chris Brown was arrested for doing? If you said assault then you are correct! This time he was arrested for beating up some dude outside of the W Hotel in D.C. Witnesses say that the guy tried to put his face into a photo Chris was taking with some skank outside the hotel at 4 in the morning. Naturally, Chris made a slur about the dude being gay then punched him in the face. Chris' big bodyguard then...

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Nobody Cares That Chris Brown Was Raped

Chris Brown's revelation last week that he first had sex at age eight created buzz for about five seconds then nobody cared. Except for the rape culture people who care about shit like this, because it's actually kind of important, if you remove the name Chris Brown from the equation. Lily Rothman even wrote a big story about it in Time magazine. "Reading Brown's description of the event—grins and chuckles, not being...

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Chris Brown Says People Hate Bieber Because They're Racist

Professional asshole Chris Brown came to the defense of his BFF Justin Bieber by saying that the reason people hate Justin is because of racism. They are hating on Bieber for hanging out with cool black people...like Chris Brown. According to Brown, Bieber-scorn has nothing to do with the Canadian midget being late to concerts, treating fans like shit, spitting on people, or being carried up the Great Wall of China:...

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Chris Brown Called That Time He Beat Up Rihanna A 'Wake-Up Call'

In a new interview with The Guardian, Chris Brown opens up about a lot of aspects of his life, from his claim that he lost his virginity at age 8 so he could get started on becoming the greatest sexual being this world has ever known to his belief that the media makes everything up about him and he's actually a good little boy who just accidentally gets into trouble. But the biggest thing that he talked about was that...

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Justin Bieber And Chris Brown Are Best Friends

Justin Bieber posted the above photo to his Instagram account yesterday, showing off the new graffiti art that Chris Brown sprayed for his half pipe, while calling the guy who bounced Rihanna's face off of a car window "super dope." These two have been friends for a while, which might actually explain a lot about the way both of them behave. Best case scenario: they're both eventually arrested for murder, they blame...

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Chris Brown Says The LA DA Is Racist

Everyone's favorite woman beating dickhole, Chris Brown, is accusing the LA County DA of racism for not accepting his bogus community service forms. It seems that the "singer" fudged some of his community service hours and the DA was all like, "Nuh uh. I call bullshit Chris Brown!", and he was all like, "Hell yes, bitch! Y'all are racist". He had to fulfil the community service as part of his sentence for beating the...

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