Chris Brown Loves to Fight the Ladies and Shit Around the Web

June 5, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

If you’re an ex-con based on beating your girlfriend, you should probably just stick to paid company moving forward. You definitely should not be out drinking with another ex-girlfriend looking for round two. You’re not Mayweather. You’re not getting paid. Chris Brown fights with his recent ex-girlfriend, punches thrown? Meh. (TMZ) Eniko Mihalik is topless and […]

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Karrueche Tran Tempts Fate

May 28, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Karrueche Tran has been feuding on Instagram with her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown because Brown is super tough on the Internet and his emojis elicit high fives from his gang banger buddies. Tran inserted model Tyson Beckford onto her page to use his hairless man ass as a pawn in their game like a real life Zoolander. This culminated with Brown […]

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Chris Brown Attracts Winners

May 8, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Chris Brown returned to his home in Los Angeles from Vegas to find this 21 year old chick sleeping in his bed. Normally I’d say go for a quickie and send Goldilocks packing with a free iPod shuffle. A man’s got to unwind from that drive and that beats beating off to the DVR’d episodes […]

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Chris Brown Tries Beating Up A Dude

May 5, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Chris Brown got in a fight in Vegas while playing basketball in his hotel suite with some dude he most likely hired from the Washington Generals’ minor league affiliate. Brown recently got off probation for beating the ever loving shit out of Rihanna and then smoking lots of dope to celebrate so he’s good for another […]

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Chris Brown Blocks Chrissy Teigen On Twitter

March 7, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

That uneasy feeling you get when you realize Chris Brown has shut you out of his life. There’s really no preparing for it. It hits you like a dirty hand of hot Chinese mustard to the lachrymal gland. You’ll pretend you’re just vulnerable from your period, but really you’re hurting much deeper. The place where […]

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Chris Brown’s Stupid Baby Name And Shit Around The Web

March 6, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Chris Brown named his new bastard baby, Royalty. It’s a nice play on words given her regal breeding and the fact that she’ll someday be utilizing her bio dad’s music royalties to pay for her court ordered rehab. I’m holding back my puke until Chris Brown makes his first statement about the baby changing him […]

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Chris Brown Has A Child, Karrueche Bails

March 4, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Breaking the news to your long time girlfriend that you’ve been declared dad to some other chick’s new baby is no simple task. You’re going to want to find a nice public spot and make sure she’s sober. Also, stretch your rapper credit line at the jewelry store. Something ostentatious, but tacky. Karrueche Tran seemed to […]

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Chris Brown Might Be Going To Jail And Shit Around The Web

January 17, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Chris Brown might be someone’s girlfriend soon as a judge just revoked his probation. The dumbass girl beater traveled out of the country and didn’t finish his community service. He better stop washing his ass now because they are going to tear him apart in jail. Read all about Chris’ latest legal woes. (Huffington Post) […]

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Chris Brown Gets His Dick Back

January 16, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Porn star Kagney Linn Karter, potentially not her Christian name, claims Chris Brown bullied her after he paid for her company but she refused to let him invade her privates. There was apparently some confusion over exactly what ‘I will pay you, and then fuck you, and then you will leave’ meant. Vague employment terms are […]

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Chris Brown Dumb Down His Lambo

November 19, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Chris Brown hired some guy to paint a bunch of illegible Sanskrit looking letters on his Lamborghini. The text is supposedly the lyrics to a Tupac song though they could also read, Chris Brown is a pussy tool who takes numerous men up his ass. That’s the danger in hiring a guy who claims to know Sanskrit […]

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