In May of 2008 (here), several recordings were released of phone conversations between Hulk Hogan and his son Nick while Nick sat in jail for essentially killing his friend John Grazziano. On the tape, Hulk and Nick agree that Johns negative attitude was why the Lord slammed Johns head into a light pole, and Nick was merely the vessel for their vengeful Gods angry wrath. They also discussed how Nick could make the most money possible from all this.
Needless to say Hulk learned nothing about how recorded phone calls work, so a few weeks ago he called Chase Holfelder, the lead singer of the band The Mile After. As you can hear, Hulk waits for the beep, then threatens to have Hells Angels break Holfelders legs.
To his credit, Hogan didn’t leave his name and address, but any chance of anonymity went to hell when he explained what type of Mania was bein’ messed with (Hulk-A), and then calling him “brother”. Hogan should be a spy or something. He’s a chameleon, the man of 1000 Faces.
We could go back and forth all day trying to figure out who killed what, while throwing out a bunch of technical mumbo-jumbo about “murderer” this and “blood soaked” that, but you have to admit that OJ Simpson pays a lot less alimony than Hulk Hogan. A fact Hogan is very much aware of:
…his wife Linda dumped him, forced him out of his $18 million mansion, allegedly spending his money at the rate of $40,000 a month.
"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."
It’s nice such to see someone with such a “glass-half full” attitude. Some might say OJ went too far when he chopped that ladies head off, but Hulk sees beyond that one indiscretion. And also the other one. Maybe OJ had a point. And what about Hitler, let's talk about Hitler. A short sickly dark-haired Austrian who told Germany that “us tall strapping blond Germans should rule the world”. And they bought it. Quite the little salesman.
Remember these pictures of Hulk Hogan caressing his daughters ass and rubbing suntan oil in spots the sun had no chance of reaching in a million years? I'm assuming you do. That sort of thing stands out. Well Brooke Hogan has spoken to Us magazine about them, and her explanation will do anything but help.
Brooke Hogan, 20, sees nothing wrong with photos showing dad Hulk, 54, applying lotion to her butt that sparked a flurry of Internet gossip in April.
"I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!" she adds.
Say what you will about Brooke Hogan, but she’s certainly not uptight. Her dad got to second base with her and she defended his right to do it. But if you think about it, it’s really not that weird. I’m lying of course. The only way this could have been any creepier is if he had a boner and snakes for hair.
It takes a previously undiscovered level of dumb to call 911 to say you feel threatened because someone is outside your house, and then tell the operator you’re in the car stalking the person who was supposed to be stalking you as he drives away. Hey guess what Linda Hogan did this weekend?
Linda: He’s been ordered away because he’s threatened my life before and I don’t want him around I’m shaking, I’m following him until he leaves.
911: Okay, you said he left, or he is leaving?
Linda: Yeah he left, I’m following him right now.
911: Why are you following him?
Linda: I don’t know
911: Stop following him!
I think when you’re this dumb, you can be declared legally dead. I’m gonna have to look into this. With the right paperwork, we might be able to bury her.
In response to Hulk Hogan repeatedly saying that Johan Grazionas current condition is all part of gods plan to make him a better person, the Grazianao family has released a video tape of John in his hospital bed. It's hard to tell if John has learned the true magic of life, love, and friendship as Hulk suggested, but after this he blamed some kids for having downs syndrome and then called paraplegics "lazy". He’s the philosopher king!
(WARNING - the tape after the jump is graphic and not for the faint of heart)
AOL has a copy today of a threatening phone call received by Hulk Hogan and allegedly made by Frank Grazianio, the brother of John Grazionao. John of course is the young Marine who used to be friends with Nick Hogan but has been in a coma ever since Nick drove their car into a palm tree on August 26th. You can hear the new tape here, and an older tape of Frank on a Tampa radio show here. In both cases, Frank seems angry as hell, as he should be. He promises a lifetime of misery and persecution for the entire Hogan family, which considering how they’ve acted is exactly what they deserve. Vigilante justice gets a bad rap but it shouldn’t in cases like this. If I were on the jury and Frank was on trial because he beat up Nick I would announce a verdict of "High Five!"
