Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Still Battling

January 5, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When a lesbian you married on a pinot noir bender demands seven million to leave quietly, you have two choices. Only one is legal.


Amber Heard Broke-Ass

September 29, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When your buddy who sells magazine subscriptions after waking up midday in a stony haze informs you he’s broke, you don’t need to ask any followups. Amber Heard’s earned somewhere around the ten million plus mark in her film and modeling career. When she says she’s broke and homeless merely assume she’s that sixteen year old girl bitching about not getting a beemer for her birthday.


Amber Heard’s Last Movie Limping To The Finish Line

August 31, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Rumor has it Amber Heard fucked Billy Bob Thornton on the set of a movie they filmed together, which would make sense because she’s an opportunistic whore without morals who was already fucking another weird old guy with bad tattoos who she wasn’t actually attracted to.


Johnny Depp Not Risking Anything

August 26, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard has gone on record as saying she will be giving the $7 million she got for extorting her husband to a couple of charities, including the ACLU, even though that’s not actually a charity. How admirable, yet does the ACLU really advocate for the rights of blackmailers?


Amber Heard Lies Her Way To Seven Million Bucks

August 17, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard’s master plan worked and she bilked Jonny Depp for $7 million, or $7 million per marital blow job.


Johnny Depp Rock And Roll

August 16, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard and her team of unethical lawyers are releasing the most embarrassing dirt they have on Johnny Depp in hopes of squeezing a few extra million out of him. Please factor in this behavior when discussing your make believe gender pay gap. As it turns out their ace in the hole is simply having the effect of making Depp looks like a straight up G.


Amber Heard Zero Pride (VIDEO)

August 15, 2016 | video | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard freaked out in an office building and refused to be deposed when her lawyers explained to her that there are consequences for lying under oath.


Amber Heard Leaking

July 26, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard and her team of Johnny Depp ambulance chasers have been openly sharing details of their divorce proceedings to TMZ. It’s unclear how she looks in the mirror and it’s a bonafide fact she doesn’t give head. Her leveraging of her vagina is becoming so egregious that Depp’s lawyers want to fine her $100,000 every time details of the case are leaked.


Amber Heard Blabbing

July 21, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Amber Heard and her lawyers are reportedly leaking details of her and Johnny Depp’s impending divorce settlement. Next time you feel the need to waffle about the gender pay gap, calculate the amount of money dudes are paying to their whore ex-wives. They don’t have any children. His name is almost certainly on the deed to the house. Walk away and move on. Everyone likes free shit though.


Joe Perry Don’t Look So Good (VIDEO)

July 12, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Because the world needs more AARP members in rock and roll cover bands, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, Alice Cooper, and Johnny Depp sans lesbian wife formed The Hollywood Vampires to go on national tour in search of decent cocaine. Joe Perry made it one song into the set during the Coney Island appearance before tapping out and losing consciousness off-stage. Heart attacks are rock and roll at twenty-seven. At sixty-five they’re more like watching a former stud horse be put down with one to the back of the mane.