Amber Heard Sues Doug Stanhope

Amber Heard is suing Doug Stanhope for defamation because he wrote an article claiming he witnessed her threatening to lie about Johnny Depp in order to extort money, and also because it's probably true and really pissed her off and she's been able to leverage her lawyers to intimidate people.read more

Amber Heard Champagne Taste Beer Budget

Amber Heard's monthly income is $10,000, yet she spends $44,000 a month on shopping, dining out, vacations, and hiring Industrial Light and Magic to do scratches on her face for court appearances. The 10k doesn't factor in residuals or any film work she might do, but it's all much less lucrative than suing Johnny Depp. Those Magic Mike XXL showings on TNT will not be paying your Nobu tabs into middle age.read more

Amber Heard More Red Flags

Amber Heard's case is quickly becoming as flimsy as one of her husband's kerchiefs. Two private security guards say they heard Heard scream, "Stop hitting me!" and bolted into the room to find Depp standing twenty feet away from her. They believe it to be a poor attempt at a setup yet she'll most likely claim it was a performance art piece.read more

Amber Heard Laughing All The Way To The Bank

Amber Heard testified in court of the horrors of Johnny Depp's domestic abuse then left with her obvious lesbian box licker with an expression which could only be described as having just pulled a fast one. The best things in life are free.read more

Amber Heard Blackmails Johnny Depp

According to comedian Doug Stanhope who was hanging out at Johnny Depp's house the night of the alleged abuse, the entire facial bruising is a domestic abuse ploy by Amber Heard to dig into Depp's deep pockets. Stanhope notes that Depp's friends knew that Heard was a horrible cunt who manipulated the shit out of their lovelorn drama buddy.read more

Depp's Ex Has His Back

Johnny Depp's ex-wife essentially called Amber Heard an opportunist in a handwritten letter stating she doesn't believe Depp has an abusive bone in his heavily accessorized body. People change. Depp probably didn't punch Amber Heard. He probably shot putted an iPhone at her while she was badgering him about vegan dog food.read more

Amber Heard Bruised Face Leaving Court

Just when you thought there was nothing left to the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard out of nowhere divorce filing, along comes Amber Heard with one a bruise on the right side of her face. Heard claims that Depp threw his iPhone at her over this past weekend. It's completely unsubstantiated and Depp's representatives are denying it, but if you close your eyes you can easily imagine Johnny Depp all pissy and throwing his...read more

Johnny Depp Not Down With Spousal Support

Amber Heard is demanding spousal support in her divorce from Johnny Depp which seems ridiculous after being married for a year and should definitely factor into the non-existent gender pay gap. If you count banging an old goth for a year as a job. Some women do. Heard is outspokenly independent and claims to subscribe to the ideals of narcissistic trust fund conservative Ayn Rand:read more

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Lasted More Than a Year

Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp. They were married for fifteen months. Enough time for nine different celebrity magazine cover stories about their fabulous love affair. Heard cited irreconcilable difference. Most notably she's a thirty year old lesbian and he's a a fifty-two year old who mumbles incoherently.read more

Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Apologize And Shit Around The Web

You'll recall that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard got in trouble down under when they snuck their rat-like dogs into Australia. Today they were forced to make an apology PSA video that is super weird. They look like they are on more drugs than Chateau MarmontBelushi. The Aussies should put the two of them to sleep. (TMZ) Pam Anderson does some TERRIBLE stand-up. (Last Men On Earth) Hottie Nalu Kasmierski is buckass...read more

Johnny Depp Back On The Chain Gang

Johnny Depp is reportedly facing up to 10 years in prison and $263,000 in fines for bringing his two lap dogs into Australia on his private jet along with a bunch of caviar and a shipment of ascots. That's if he's prosecuted. By that rationale I'm facing a thousand years in solitary for jaywalking the last thirty years while publicly intoxicated. The pilot of the plane could also be on the hook for two years, which...read more

Depp's Dogs On Death's Door And Shit Around The Web

Walking caricature Johnny Depp sneaked his yorkies into Australia and the Aussies are pissed because every time the white man brings new animals onto the island continent, more kangaroos die. Look for the dogs to be slaughter in the bush. Read all about Depp's Australian trouble. (TMZ) Miley Cyrus dresses like a whore butterfly. (Egotastic) Kourtney Kardashian poses in a swimsuit with a snake. Unfortunately the snake...read more

Johnny Depp Cash Machine

Johnny Depp has a side gig with Harper Collins where he publishes books which have already been written and keeps the money. His pretentiously monikered Infinitum Nihil company has re-published a few books which were out of print until it was realized a super handsome man cared about them. Depp'slabelhas previously re-releasedbooks about Woodie Guthrie and Yoko Ono, which officially tips my scale into disliking him as...read more

Johnny Depp Has Standards

Johnny Depp chose a press junket to declare that actors who use their celebrity to make musical appearances make him sick. Odd mostly because Johnny Deep is an actor who uses his celebrity to make musical appearances. Or maybe Marilyn Manson pulls him out of the crowd randomly to jam with him on stage. After herpes and botulism, myopia is the greatest afflicter of famous people in Hollywood. Depp didn't mention...read more

Amber Heard Brought A 1920s Gangster To Her Movie Premiere

Johnny Depp has appeared to have moved on from his two-decade run as a living rock star pirate in favor of this new look as an early 20th century gangster, or at least a middle-aged asshole who still shows up to swing revivals. He joined his girlfriend Amber Heard at the premiere for her new film, 3 Days to Kill, which is a really original movie about a retired spy with a family who has to go back to work to stop a...read more