By Jack September 10, 2014 @ 12:20 PM
Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber was booed when he appeared at the Fashion Rocks event because even lame adults realize there’s a tier system to lameness. So, Bieber fell back on stripping, as his dad used to order him to do to help make the rent on weekend trips to the seedy side of Toronto.
Watch the little shit weasel’s total desperation. (Dlisted)
Fuck that ice bucket shit, I want to feel up a porn star for charity. (Huffington Post)
Why yes, those are Abigail Ratchford Gifs. (COED)
Nina Agdal in lingerie will make your day. (Popoholic)
Meanwhile, in Raquel Rischard’s tits news…(The Superficial)
Bella Thorne really ought not be underage still. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nicole Trunfio is an Australian model. Here is her ass. (Drunken Stepfather)
(Photo Via CBS)
By Lex September 03, 2014 @ 12:13 PM
Seeing your diminutive boyfriend going Joe Pesci on a family in a minivan has to make your loins water. The draw toward Justin Bieber’s raw animal fervor has kept Selena Gomez coming back to the boy who took her cherry. Now her junior division Svengali is facing potential jail time in Canada for assault. She’s the Bonnie to his Clyde. It’s one of those thrill kill relationships that people like us can’t possibly understand. We’re too caught up in civilization and polite society. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez don’t live by our rules. They won’t die by our rules. Just so long as Justin goes soon I can stand not understanding it.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash
By Lex September 02, 2014 @ 11:04 AM
Justin Bieber is one of those drunk hicks on Cops who thought he was shooting a possum that turned out to be his mildly retarded older brother, Billy. Except he’s that dumbass with $100 million in the bank. Which means he’s a dangerous fucking idiot weapon. Bieber got arrested again, this time in rural Canada. He crashed his ATV with both he and Selena Gomez in the bitch seat into a mini-van. Naturally, he started threatening the mini-van occupants with his hair products. Canada is not big enough for Justin Bieber and you.
If you know anything about minivan occupants, you can only imagine the toughies he was challenging to impress his woman. I remember being arrested once in my youth for a minor offense and being run through the ringer. Bieber seems to be on about number seven here and he’s likely to get ‘must sing Anne Murray song at Edmonton Oilers half time show’ as the full extent of his punishment. I’m starting to fall in line with the true believers who always spout that ‘God will call him to answer’. I just hope when Bieber answers it’s something Old Testament horrific and I get to watch with my 3-D glasses.
Photo credit: PCN
By Matt August 27, 2014 @ 6:12 AM
Justin Bieber is being investigated for attempted robbery because he tried to grab a chick’s cell phone. The Shrinky Dink gangster was apparently at Dave and Buster’s with Selena Gomez on a step stool whispering in her ear about how he owned her vagina. Some girl started recording the couple so Bieber tried to snatch her phone, but failed because he has the muscle mass of a six year old. He never laid hands on the girl or managed to get the phone so it seems like a completely pointless investigation. It’s possible the chick is just looking for attention, or that she’s mildly retarded since she’s fascinated with Justin Bieber. If we lived in a more civilized society, we’d strap some razor blade covered gloves on Bieber and the girl, lock them in a chain link cage, and let the Fates decide who walks out and who is carried out. Is there anybody who wouldn’t watch that? I’d actually buy the DVD.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Matt August 22, 2014 @ 8:47 AM
Members of Justin Bieber’s posse reportedly bribed a border official to let their members with criminal records into Canada. As per Canada’s policy of being modestly boring, no cash was exchanged but the official was given a bunch of backstage passes to Bieber’s show. They claimed the passes were valued at $10,000 dollars, which I am sure is totally accurate since Bieber’s sketch ball friends were so willing to throw them away for a walk into Saskatchewan. The customs official has since been fired, because if you take bribes from ratchety twinks the written policy is to get cash only. Some more of Bieber’s even tinier minions showed up looking for the same official and tried to repeat the offense. By then Canadian Mounties on horseback had become suspect. Not because of the bribery, which is standard practice, but because the guy at the office everybody already hated for stealing sandwiches from the break room fridge was now also a documented Bieber fan. It was a good time to wash their hands as clean as Canada.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex August 13, 2014 @ 7:49 AM
Justin Bieber escaped any serious charges in his drag racing arrest from Florida last Winter by using the defense of being rich and having really important attorneys. It was a brilliant tactical maneuver. You may recall this past January Bieber’s dad, who serves as his son’s cruise director, marked off a residential street near Miami so Justin could race his Lambo against his buddy’s Ferrari. When the cops showed up, Bieber threw a major league fuck-you-coppers rant that would’ve left him with three broken ribs and the inability to see out of his left orbital socket for six months if he’d tried that in The Bronx. He also tested positive for weed and Xanax and was nailed for having an expired driver’s license.
Things looked pretty bleak for the junior lieutenant of the Lollipop Guild until everybody remembered that celebrities don’t do time. So, today they settled on careless driving, peacefully resisting arrest or some shit, an anger management course, and a $50,000 donation to a charity that helps judges in the Miami area get boats so they can go fishing with their overworked bailiffs, or prostitutes if their bailiffs are unavailable. For all that, Bieber gets to skip any jail time and ditches the DUI charge which means he can still race his foreign sports cars until such time as he kills a child and gets ordered to attend two anger management classes.
Photo credit: Splash News