Justin Bieber Not Done Yet

Justin Bieber bleached his hair blond after asking the gilded mirror on his wall how to look like an even bigger asshole. You don't have to listen to the mirror. Or identify as a Latvian twink. Sometimes prostitute preemies turn out just fine. Not most of the time. Remember when The AIDS used to be less selective? Photo Credit: Getty

read more
Justin Bieber Guppy Tears (VIDEO)

It remains unclear why Justin Bieber broke down in tears following two shitty songs performed with harness at the MTV VMAs. Some are suggesting it was a stress induced menstrual gush. But he's a boy, dammit! As Bieber tilts his head forward in his hand the show producers played what was an obviously pre-recorded track with Bieber sharing his philosophy on life, such as, it's a journey, not a destination, and remember...

read more
Justin Bieber Cupping

When I heard Interview magazine was releasing photos of Justin Bieber cupping, I feared pictures of a hairless Gimli holding some unsigned rapper's junk in his little baby hands was coming next. This might actually be worse. Bieber joined in the line of voodoo health nuts like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow and other celebrities without penises who treat their bodies with ancient Eastern suction cup therapy. I...

read more
Bieber Sorry For Ass Shot

Justin Bieber apologized for posting a shot of his ass on Instagram. Not for the reasons you'd think like it's obnoxious and he's accepting payouts from an overseas gay porn site, but apparently one of his friend's daughters saw it, which is by far the creepiest possible scenario: "Hey I Deleted the photo of my butt on Instagram not because I thought it was bad but someone close to me's daughter follows me and she was...

read more
Don't Cry For Me Justin Bieber And Shit Around The Web

A judge in Argentina has issued an arrest warrant for Justin Bieber. It's because of an assault charge from last year. If there is a God that walking shit-eating grinwill end up in an Argentine jail getting plowed by a guacho. Read all about Justin's latest troubles. (TMZ) Scantily clad chicks on beds. That is all. (The Chive) Look up Jennifer Nicole Lee's skirt and enjoy her booty cheeks. (Egotastic) Selena Gomez has...

read more
Justin Bieber Doinking Kendall Jenner And Hailey Baldwin

The lovable little fucktard smurf is through with the mea culpa nonsense and now intent on banging every decent looking celebrity daughter in Hollywood. If you're angry because you're short and your mom's a whore and she was the better parent, why not use your baby wang to get back at God. Justin Bieber isn't The Brain. He can't conjure up plots for world domination. But he can fuck all the Baldwin and Jenner girls...

read more
Ludacris Is Prudent

Ludacris is pissed because he does not approve of jokes that were made about Paul Walker at the Justin Bieber Roast and apparently lobbied Comedy Central to edit them out because he believes people give a shit what he thinks: "I was told and promised that they would edit those out. Some of those were over the line." Sounds good Delores Tucker. Maybe you should call Tipper Gore and have a book burning party over some...

read more
Bieber's Buddy Charged

Lil Twist, who has wrecked Justin Bieber's car and thrown unsanctioned parties at his house, has been charged with six felonies including burglary, grand larceny, and being named Lil Twist. Twist was crashing at Kyle Massey's apartment, who is a Disney channel child actor and probably just as badass as Lil Twist. When Massey's brother kicked Twist and his posse of confident midgets out of their apartment they returned...

read more
Bieber's Egging Victim Gets Greedy

Justin Bieber's neighbor Jeff Schwartz has already received $80,000 for damages from eggs being thrown at his house which is slightly above market value. How much does a Brillo Pad run these days? He's now going for a cool million, alleging emotional distress and damage to his reputation. Schwartz thinks he is now too closely identified as the guy whois suing Bieber, which could easily be remedied if he wasn't suing...

read more
Justin Bieber Good People

Justin Bieber is being sued by the neighbor whose house he egged. It is unclear if Bieber indeed spit on the guy or if Bieber's bodyguard hurled anti-Semitic insults at him and his little daughter as the lawsuit alleges. Either way, this was all supposed to be taken care of by Bieber's apology to the universe at his roast. The egg-throwing, spitting, insulting Bieber was yesterday, or maybe a few days ago depending on...

read more
Justin Bieber Stoned Cold Roasted

Comedy Central filmed their Justin Bieber Roast over the weekend because they needed the money. A bunch of athletes and rappers and comedians who've never met Bieber roasted him with generic sex jokes primarily regarding Selena Gomez. They also invited Martha Stewart because that's just funny. The Kardashians guffawed from the front row, prodded by invisible fence collars that let them know when something was funny....

read more
Justin Bieber Is Back

There's no more loathsome bore than a recovering addict. Sharing is not absolution and I don't want your amends. Just go away and come back when you're wasted Tommy again. Thomas the Sober is a relentless asshole. I feel the same way about Justin Bieber. That whole he's found religion and grown up nonsense was tiring. Usher's only honest moments come when he has a dick in his shitter. Nobody changed. The only nearly...

read more
The Biebs Manually Photoshops

Some future food stamp recipientshave been arguing on comment threads about whether Justin Bieber's Men's Health magazine cover is Photoshopped. Let me save you the trouble, who gives a fuck. It appears the photo is real yet Bieber is flexing his twink extremities while trying to look casual. While this isn't a genuine representation of what he looks like eating cereal it doesn't necessarily mean there's foul play...

read more
Nickleback Hates On Beiber And Shit Around The Web

Nickleback lead Singer Chad Kroeger attacked fellow Canuck d-bag Justin Bieber for being a d-bag too. There's obviously no side to root for here except the very precise meteor because most of Canada still deserves to live long enough to be raped of its oil deposits. Read all about Chad's feelings towards Justin. (TMZ) Hot narcissitic chicks take steamy selfies in the mirror. (The Chive) Jessica Lowndes bikinis like a...

read more
The Comedy Central Roast Touts Its Own Demise

The entire point of a celebrity roast is to see who can get liquored upand deliver the most outlandish slams on their fellow drinking buddies. It's a universally understood concept by any man who's ever drank too much with friends. It's how men bond. And occasionally some cool women who you might want to get with after you're too drunk to do anything about it. Sometimes the roast is funny, sometimes it sucks, but...

read more