Justin Bieber Doinking Kendall Jenner And Hailey Baldwin

The lovable little fucktard smurf is through with the mea culpa nonsense and now intent on banging every decent looking celebrity daughter in Hollywood. If you're angry because you're short and your mom's a whore and she was the better parent, why not use your baby wang to get back at God. Justin Bieber isn't The Brain. He can't conjure up plots for world domination. But he can fuck all the Baldwin and Jenner girls...read more

Ludacris Is Prudent

Ludacris is pissed because he does not approve of jokes that were made about Paul Walker at the Justin Bieber Roast and apparently lobbied Comedy Central to edit them out because he believes people give a shit what he thinks: "I was told and promised that they would edit those out. Some of those were over the line." Sounds good Delores Tucker. Maybe you should call Tipper Gore and have a book burning party over some...read more

Bieber's Buddy Charged

Lil Twist, who has wrecked Justin Bieber's car and thrown unsanctioned parties at his house, has been charged with six felonies including burglary, grand larceny, and being named Lil Twist. Twist was crashing at Kyle Massey's apartment, who is a Disney channel child actor and probably just as badass as Lil Twist. When Massey's brother kicked Twist and his posse of confident midgets out of their apartment they returned...read more

Bieber's Egging Victim Gets Greedy

Justin Bieber's neighbor Jeff Schwartz has already received $80,000 for damages from eggs being thrown at his house which is slightly above market value. How much does a Brillo Pad run these days? He's now going for a cool million, alleging emotional distress and damage to his reputation. Schwartz thinks he is now too closely identified as the guy whois suing Bieber, which could easily be remedied if he wasn't suing...read more

Justin Bieber Good People

Justin Bieber is being sued by the neighbor whose house he egged. It is unclear if Bieber indeed spit on the guy or if Bieber's bodyguard hurled anti-Semitic insults at him and his little daughter as the lawsuit alleges. Either way, this was all supposed to be taken care of by Bieber's apology to the universe at his roast. The egg-throwing, spitting, insulting Bieber was yesterday, or maybe a few days ago depending on...read more

Justin Bieber Stoned Cold Roasted

Comedy Central filmed their Justin Bieber Roast over the weekend because they needed the money. A bunch of athletes and rappers and comedians who've never met Bieber roasted him with generic sex jokes primarily regarding Selena Gomez. They also invited Martha Stewart because that's just funny. The Kardashians guffawed from the front row, prodded by invisible fence collars that let them know when something was funny....read more

Justin Bieber Is Back

There's no more loathsome bore than a recovering addict. Sharing is not absolution and I don't want your amends. Just go away and come back when you're wasted Tommy again. Thomas the Sober is a relentless asshole. I feel the same way about Justin Bieber. That whole he's found religion and grown up nonsense was tiring. Usher's only honest moments come when he has a dick in his shitter. Nobody changed. The only nearly...read more

The Biebs Manually Photoshops

Some future food stamp recipientshave been arguing on comment threads about whether Justin Bieber's Men's Health magazine cover is Photoshopped. Let me save you the trouble, who gives a fuck. It appears the photo is real yet Bieber is flexing his twink extremities while trying to look casual. While this isn't a genuine representation of what he looks like eating cereal it doesn't necessarily mean there's foul play...read more

Nickleback Hates On Beiber And Shit Around The Web

Nickleback lead Singer Chad Kroeger attacked fellow Canuck d-bag Justin Bieber for being a d-bag too. There's obviously no side to root for here except the very precise meteor because most of Canada still deserves to live long enough to be raped of its oil deposits. Read all about Chad's feelings towards Justin. (TMZ) Hot narcissitic chicks take steamy selfies in the mirror. (The Chive) Jessica Lowndes bikinis like a...read more

The Comedy Central Roast Touts Its Own Demise

The entire point of a celebrity roast is to see who can get liquored upand deliver the most outlandish slams on their fellow drinking buddies. It's a universally understood concept by any man who's ever drank too much with friends. It's how men bond. And occasionally some cool women who you might want to get with after you're too drunk to do anything about it. Sometimes the roast is funny, sometimes it sucks, but...read more

Justin Bieber Sweet Digs

Justin Bieber lives in this dope Tony Stark futurama mansion. It comes with four bathrooms with cocaine already railed out on the porcelain counter tops. While I am waking up and tappingmy thermometer this motherfucker has his hyperbaric pressure regulated to the nearest thousandth degree celsius. It also has one of those machines that tongues your butthole and a trash compactor and hover board. The rent on the place...read more

Justin Bieber Sincerely Apologizes (VIDEO)

There's some kind of quiet dignity in being a colossal dick. An arrogant ass who doesn't give a fuck about anybody but himself and how he's feeling from moment to moment. Not those small time punks who piss and moan. I mean one ginormous a-hole who fucks everything he pleases, pisses on his sycophants, and reminds you how he can buy you several times over. Justin Bieber. It wasn't noble, but it was definitely...read more

Justin Bieber Seems Confident Enough

Justin Bieber isn't the first douchebag to pose for himself in the mirror in between sets at the gym. He's just the one small enough for me to ridicule. Vanity is every bit as natural to the human condition as taking a dump. Most people flush. Bieber is that special flower who has to admire his own ringlets of perfection. At some point the workouts and the tattoos and ordering of the big-ass bodyguards won't be...read more

Justin Bieber Begs To Be Roasted

Justin Bieber reached out from his pit of despair and Ferraris to Comedy Central to ask to be roasted on their recurring celebrity takedown specials. Most people agree to go on the roast because it's great publicity and shows you can take lots of dick jokes about yourself. Justin Bieber wants the barbs to prove to the world he's changed. According to every press release put out by his public relations team, he has...read more

Justin Bieber Pecker Threatens to Sue

Justin Bieber's lawyers are threatening to sue a website comparing his teeny pre-Photoshopped dick to a real one.His Calvin Klein ad generated some attention because he looked abnormally jacked for a boy. The two photos tell conflicting stories, but I'm prone to believe the one which shows a normal and scrawny prepubescent guy and not Ellen on steroids. Well, Ellen on even more steroids. It's certainly possible the...read more