Lesbian troll doll Justin Bieber has been seen around town with Jose Canseco’s model daughter Josie. Jose should consider a roid rage and beating the crap out of Bieber. Jury nullification seems more than likely.
Justin Bieber began acting like little bitch and threw a temper tantrum when asked to participate in some pranks on a Spanish radio show. He eventually stormed out like a little girl on a heavy flow day. What a twat.
Several Muslim countries have banned Justin Bieber’s latest album. Not because it sucks donkey balls but because he apparently talks about Jesus on it. I’m not Muslim but I can respect a Jihad on that lesbian troll doll’s songs.
Justin Bieber bleached his hair blond after asking the gilded mirror on his wall how to look like an even bigger asshole. You don’t have to listen to the mirror. Or identify as a Latvian twink. Sometimes prostitute preemies turn out just fine. Not most of the time. Remember when The AIDS used to be less selective?
It remains unclear why Justin Bieber broke down in tears following two shitty songs performed with harness at the MTV VMAs. Some are suggesting it was a stress induced menstrual gush. But he’s a boy, dammit! As Bieber tilts his head forward in his hand the show producers played what was an obviously pre-recorded track with Bieber sharing his philosophy on life, such as, it’s a journey, not a destination, and remember to pay your Brazilian hookers a bonus for shutting the fuck up about your wee dick. The MTV VMAs are chock full of wonderfully candid completely rehearsed moments. If Bieber’s salty drops helped just one girl realize that she’s too gullible to ever live outside a monitored living situation, it was all worthwhile. Do we have a start date for those non-citizen deportations yet?
When I heard Interview magazine was releasing photos of Justin Bieber cupping, I feared pictures of a hairless Gimli holding some unsigned rapper’s junk in his little baby hands was coming next. This might actually be worse. Bieber joined in the line of voodoo health nuts like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow and other celebrities without penises who treat their bodies with ancient Eastern suction cup therapy. I hope whoever sold Bieber on this didn’t make him believe this would get the gay out. Good luck getting a refund out of the Mexican dude pretending to be Chinese. Next time, I recommend more intense sucking power. Try using a vacuum sealer or Andy Dick. You’ll know it’s working when you can see your spleen on the outside of your body. That’s not the time to quit. Crank up the suction until the Lollipop Guild welcomes you to heaven. This stuff really works.