Painter Elizabeth Peyton unveiled her latest work to the art world this week, which to the horror of many of her fans, was a giant goofy picture of Justin Bieber. Mind you, Elizabeth Peyton isn’t some obese loser doing fan art in her basement, she is a well respected artist. Previously she had done portraits of David Bowie and Kurt Cobain, but she wanted to really challenge herself this time by painting a completely talentless ass ferret. The painting is called “Never Say Never” after a 2011 documentary about Bieber. She really captured the pouty vagina lips, the vacant stare, and pointed girlish chin. His bushy eyebrows are like two gay 70′s bathhouse attendant’s mustaches that have been stuck to his oversized forehead. But is is art?

Not really, but it’s the kind of thing that’s going to sell. Either some rich bitch Belieber will get her daddy to buy it or a museum will display it to show the merging of popular and “high” culture, blah, blah, blah. Peyton is going to make a fortune off of Bieber’s little hyena face. Still, I think it’s bad art. Painters should go back to painting cool stuff like chicks with big boobs holding pottery or centaurs fighting dragons or whatever.

I don’t know what genius convinced the artist Justin Bieber to sign up for space travel, but very well done. An imp conceived in the Underworld like this twatnut can not be destroyed while within his earthly confines. Just imagine how many have tried to snuff out his bright light. But when he rockets out on Virgin Galactic and hits low orbit, I got the Red Bull parachute guy ready to fire off a hull-busting trident then jump back to earth. In space, I hope we can hear Justin scream.

My leather outfit looks amazing. My indoor shades are tight. The bling is all there. My fierce tats are popping. I’ve got courtside seats to Game 7. I’m kind of a Heat fan. I’ve got the new chapeau they placed on my head. Mother, why am I so fucking pouty? Must get more toys.

Bieber is in serious trouble with his home owners association, and you know those old ladies and power mad closet cases do not fuck around.  It seems that his neighbors in the exclusive Calabasas neighborhood have had enough of Bieb’s late night parties and driving around in Ferraris at all hours. Several members of the board have threatened to withhold their hefty $1000 HOA fees until someone gets Justin to stop being such a douche. Earlier this year Biebs got in trouble for allegedly spitting and threatening one of his neighbors after being told to behave. Of course, Justin isn’t afraid of the cops. Celebrities don’t go to jail. But the HOA, those stone cold fools will put you in the fucking morgue. Here’s to hoping.