By Jack December 04, 2013 @ 4:02 PM
Mayor Tom Tate is pissed off at ‘pop princess’Justin Bieber after the little shitweasel was caught tagging his city of Gold Coast, Australia. We told you last week about the dickless monkey spray painting a bunch of cartoonish squiggles on the exterior wall of his hotel. He was in town to squeal out his horrible music at his adoring overweight teenage fans. Mayor Tate said that either Bieber comes back and cleans up the graffiti or he has to sing Christmas carols at a charity event. What the fuck is that? Where’s the option for horrible death by reef shark attack or whatever that thing was that killed the Crocodile Hunter in the heart.
I think the solution to this whole Bieber situation is to have an older man in a bathrobe follow him around with a rolled-up newspaper. If Bieber does something bad, he gets scolded and smacked across the snout. If the behavior continues, he gets taken to the pound for euthanizing. Yes, we can still tell his young fans he went to live on a farm.
By Jack November 29, 2013 @ 12:14 PM
Justin Bieber continued his reign of terror in Australia this week when he decided to tag up his hotel. The petite lesbian ferret was previously caught on tape spray painting his stupid cartoonish tags in Brazil. I guess he figures since he’s already ruined music and dance that he’d try creating shitty art in other genres. The worst part is that the Australian hotel isn’t going to scrub his inane scribbles off the wall. They think that since the little chodemuffin is famous the tagging will bring in business’s to the hotel. A spokesman said,
“It was a coup for the hotel to have Justin want to paint a piece of art in appreciation of his stay. This piece of art is now available to be viewed by fans of the artist and we believe that it is a wonderful addition to the colourful Gold Coast arts scene.”
Wonderful, let’s empower the little douche a little bit more, why don’t we? Fucking Australian hotel spokesmen. Why don’t they just fish one of his turds out of the septic tank and put it on display in the lobby atop the booster seat he used at the hotel restaurant. Treat him like the Little Emperor and he will never ever go away. Kick him in his tiny boned shins every meeting and you’ll suddenly find him disappeared. That’s how we got rid of the Leprechauns.
By Travis November 21, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
According to his manager Scooter Braun, Justin Bieber is the first celebrity to ever completely grow up in the eye of the public like he has, and that’s why we should all just chill the fuck out about him behaving like a little shithead all over the world. In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Justin says that he doesn’t “give a fuck what they say” anymore, and that of course means us big, old dickheads on the internet who call bullshit on him claiming he didn’t know he was in a whorehouse in Brazil or give him shit for his hissy fits and thinking he’s a tough guy.
Justin claims that in spite of pissing in mop buckets, spitting on fans, being carried up the Great Wall of China, trying to fight photographers in England, committing crimes in other countries, and talking shit to Bill Clinton, he’s happy with the man that he is, and he has mentors like Will Smith and Eminem to thank for it. It’s just a shame he hasn’t looked more toward Biggie and Tupac for inspiration.
Photo Credit: Justin Bieber/Instagram
By Travis November 14, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Justin Bieber’s reps claim that while the singer was performing in Argentina on Saturday night, the teenage girls in the crowd were throwing a lot of items, including bras and panties, at the stage. At one point, though, someone seemed to throw something that looks a lot like a flag at Justin’s feet, causing him to use the mic stand like a broom to push it and another item from the stage. Naturally, people might be furious that he’d desecrate their flag like that, and TMZ says that his reps say it’s all a misunderstanding.
Meanwhile, people in Argentina should be more upset that this guy will fuck prostitutes until the Brazilian sun comes up, but he won’t use his hand to pick up their flag.
By Travis November 12, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
In the days after she posted a video of a sleeping Justin Bieber to YouTube, and once people on the internet quickly discovered who she is, model and possible escort Tati Neves quickly made a TV appearance to explain to the world that she never had sex with Justin. But Tati has since changed her mind and story in a manner that is very convenient for the singer, as she told The Sun that not only did she make him scream, “Baby, baby, baby,” but that he was “unforgettable” and “well-endowed.” Eventually, someone is going to ask her why she changed her story, though, and I expect that Tati will say, “Oh no reason,” while fanning herself with a stack of hundred dollar bills, with Justin standing behind her shouting, “And tell them I have a huge dick!”
Photo Credit: Tati Neves/Facebook
By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 3:43 PM
Being unoriginal wouldn’t even make the top ten shitty things about this little self-absorbed weasel. Still, it’s worth noting on his permanent record of being a total dick that it looks like Bieber’s overwhelming desire to start tagging cityscapes in Brazil was based upon an a graffiti character he basically stole after seeing in Austin. Or so a guy named Will tells us. He claims that Bieber’s street work was just a plagiarized version of the work of t3mz4, a graffiti artist whose work Bieber apparently saw when in town for the Austin City Limits. The original artist tried to mention this on Bieber’s Instagram but the Bieb’s social media team kept deleting his comments. It’s hard to believe that the wunderkind who came up with such Dylan-esque lyrics as “Are we an item? Girl, quit playing We’re just friends, what are you saying” would need to resort to intellectual thievery. But then it’s also hard to believe that a guy with a million screaming female fans would pay a skanky brothel hooker to lay beneath him and lie about his manliness.
Photo: above Bieber proud of his graffiti art, below the original piece in Austin