By Jack June 19, 2013 @ 3:08 PM
Painter Elizabeth Peyton unveiled her latest work to the art world this week, which to the horror of many of her fans, was a giant goofy picture of Justin Bieber. Mind you, Elizabeth Peyton isn’t some obese loser doing fan art in her basement, she is a well respected artist. Previously she had done portraits of David Bowie and Kurt Cobain, but she wanted to really challenge herself this time by painting a completely talentless ass ferret. The painting is called “Never Say Never” after a 2011 documentary about Bieber. She really captured the pouty vagina lips, the vacant stare, and pointed girlish chin. His bushy eyebrows are like two gay 70′s bathhouse attendant’s mustaches that have been stuck to his oversized forehead. But is is art?
Not really, but it’s the kind of thing that’s going to sell. Either some rich bitch Belieber will get her daddy to buy it or a museum will display it to show the merging of popular and “high” culture, blah, blah, blah. Peyton is going to make a fortune off of Bieber’s little hyena face. Still, I think it’s bad art. Painters should go back to painting cool stuff like chicks with big boobs holding pottery or centaurs fighting dragons or whatever.
By Lex June 18, 2013 @ 4:47 PM
It’s hard to say who to root for in a showdown between teen lesbian Justin Bieber and the paparazzi that hound him everywhere he goes. It’s like you’re a North Korean train driver running off the tracks and you have to choose to run over either Dennis Rodman or The Supreme Leader during their summer picnic. Which way do you turn? Bieber and his Lollipop Guild cohort Lil Twist drove away and over some dickhead photographers foot leaving the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on Monday night. The photographer insisted on going to the hospital so he could build a better lawsuit. And while people were talking about possible hit and run charges, Bieber was cleared today by the police. As he should have been. As much as I’d love to see his little punk ass get thrown in the slammer, it needs to be for something worthy that he can tearfully regret as he gets ass-raped in the prison shower by a guy named Franc with a ‘C’. When you put contemptible people in jail for lesser charges, you never get the satisfaction deserved. Like putting O.J. in for kind of sort of robbing his own sports memorabilia. Or Al Capone on tax evasion. It’s a half-victory at best. Let’s wait for the big one. It sucks that somebody will have to get badly hurt for it, but on the bright side, maybe it’ll be Justin himself.
By Lex June 17, 2013 @ 1:06 PM
The last thing Justin Bieber wants is attention. When he shrinks his 5’4″, 120 lb. frame, he can become invisible to modern radar and out of focus for most paparazzi cameras. His petite size and flexibility enables the Canadian singing sensation to be formed into a ball shape and loaded into an overhead carry-on bag. This allows The Biebs to travel around the world largely undetected. Like SARS.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet
By Lex June 06, 2013 @ 5:36 PM
I don’t know what genius convinced the artist Justin Bieber to sign up for space travel, but very well done. An imp conceived in the Underworld like this twatnut can not be destroyed while within his earthly confines. Just imagine how many have tried to snuff out his bright light. But when he rockets out on Virgin Galactic and hits low orbit, I got the Red Bull parachute guy ready to fire off a hull-busting trident then jump back to earth. In space, I hope we can hear Justin scream.
By Lex June 05, 2013 @ 4:23 PM
My leather outfit looks amazing. My indoor shades are tight. The bling is all there. My fierce tats are popping. I’ve got courtside seats to Game 7. I’m kind of a Heat fan. I’ve got the new chapeau they placed on my head. Mother, why am I so fucking pouty? Must get more toys.
By Jack June 04, 2013 @ 9:17 AM
Bieber is in serious trouble with his home owners association, and you know those old ladies and power mad closet cases do not fuck around. It seems that his neighbors in the exclusive Calabasas neighborhood have had enough of Bieb’s late night parties and driving around in Ferraris at all hours. Several members of the board have threatened to withhold their hefty $1000 HOA fees until someone gets Justin to stop being such a douche. Earlier this year Biebs got in trouble for allegedly spitting and threatening one of his neighbors after being told to behave. Of course, Justin isn’t afraid of the cops. Celebrities don’t go to jail. But the HOA, those stone cold fools will put you in the fucking morgue. Here’s to hoping.