Klassy Bag, Kim Kardashian

By Travis December 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

In a move that was probably intended to mock regular idiot Americans who battled their way through crowded lines in packed malls and department stores yesterday, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian did some post-Christmas shopping in Los Angeles and didn’t seem to have any problems finding what they were looking for. Kim was also showing off the Hermes handbag that Kanye got her for Christmas, and you know it’s from him because he had artist George Condo hand paint a bunch of nude women that look like her family on the side.

That looks kind of like Kendall Jenner on the right, with Kim next to her, seemingly being mounted by Kourtney, and then Khloe just doing her thing on the left. To keep her happy, they probably told Kris Jenner that all four of the women are her.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Kanye West Sued Over ‘Bound 2′ Sample

By Lex December 24, 2013 @ 3:32 PM

Kanye West Out Shopping In Beverly Hills
You ought to know better than to fuck with Yeezus around Christmas. This is the busiest time of the year for our rap Lord and Savior, when he allows the entire world to celebrate the birth of his mind blowing musical genius and transformative footwear. But Ricky Spicer is bugging Kanye, because he wants some cash for the man-god stealing his voice from a track he recorded at age twelve back in 1969. Kanye kind of plays Spicer’s voice in his Bound 2 hit single. Now, Spicer’s suing to make Kanye stop being such a thieving dick.

Mr. Spicer’s voice is sampled exactly as he recorded it and his voice … is heard several times,

This kind of shit comes up all the time with tons of modern pop and R&B stars stealing music from previous generations and re-hashing it into new songs. The people they’re ripping off are generally pretty broke so they can get away with throwing them a few bones to shut them up. I’d call it intellectual theft, but this is Kanye, so let’s just go with stone cold jacked. Expect Ricky Spicer to ask for a bazillion dollars in royalty claims from Bound 2. Expect Kanye to counter with $500 and a blowjob from Kim. Or $550 if Spicer wants the all cash option.

Photo Credit: WENN

Kanye West Heckled

By Jack December 12, 2013 @ 2:32 PM

Rapping pap smear Kanye West dealt with a heckler at a show in San Antonio with his usual sense of restraint and dignity. It all started when Kanye donned a mask made by designer Maison Martin Margiela. Yeah, I know, my favorite designer too. Why Kanye wears this mask is anyone’s guess. The fan yelled for Kanye to take the mask off and then he went Kanye nuts. Yeezus took it as a challenge to his artistic vision or some shit. He yelled,

“Now, you can see my face on the internet every motherfucking day. I came here, I open up a motherfucking mountain… and you tryin’ to tell me how to give you my art. Now tell me something, y’all want me to do this show the way I would do this show? Don’t fucking heckle me! I’m Kanye motherfucking West.”

It is true that it’s rude to interrupt a man who is opening up mountains. Nobody mocked John Henry when he was driving steel into the mountain to build the railroad tunnels. And that was just transcontinental transportation. This is rhyming about money and jizzing on whore’s boobs. Show some fucking respect.

Kim And Kanye Want To Get Married At Versailles

By Jack December 04, 2013 @ 1:55 PM

Kim and Kanye reaaaally want to have their wedding at Versailles. Yes, THAT Versailles. The over-the-top golden palace of the Bourbon kings of France. I mean, where else would the lord Yessiah and his cum dumpster queen get married than at the most famous palace on Earth? It’s unclear whether the Frogs will let the couple marry on the grounds of the national landmark. at least not without denouncing America and pretending French comedies are the least bit funny. It’s strangely fitting in a way. Much like Marie Antoinette and Louis XVI these two are largely hated for their ridiculous lifestyle and general dickery. Also like the two rotting royals, they seem completely oblivious to the fact that everyone wants to see their heads roll down a wooden platform and into a basket while painted midgets dance and traveling minstrels play the lute. Let them eat Khloe.

Kim Kardashian Inexplicably Not Such a Great Mom

By Jack December 02, 2013 @ 1:41 PM

 

America’s favorite baby mama, Kim Kardashian, is tired of people saying she is a shitty mother. Ever since she yelped out Kanye West’s bastard child from her lower gaping maw in June, she’s seems to have gone on with her life as if nothing happened. She still follows Kanye around on tour like a groupie star banger, taking selfies in the bathroom without her underpants on before shows. In response to some Twitter follower accusing her of not spending enough time with daughter North West, she replied with,

“@jlmcbryde u sound so ignorant. Bc I don’t tweet or instagram my every move w my daughter means I am not with her 247? We share what we want. Or is it bc I go support my fiance at every show & I post pix? When the baby goes down 4 bed or a nap, parents are allowed 2 work & support each other, maybe even have fun too.”

Yes, you marble-brained phonetic speller. This is all hate on you for being a supportive working mom. And you’re only leaving your kid when she’s napping. Like when she conveniently napped for a week so you could go to Paris Fashion Week and get free samples. Or the seven hour power naps she takes thrice daily to allow you time to make up and wardrobe your reality show jaunts. It’s wonderful how you travel with your baby daddy to support his show because Kanye really needs your constant care. In contrast. infants have been found surviving in natural disaster rubble almost forty-eight hours on their own provided temperatures don’t drop in the evenings.

Kanye West Blasts Nike, Blames Obama’s Failure on Not Being Jewish, Won’t Shut the Fuck Up

By Lex November 29, 2013 @ 1:49 PM

Even though he’s likely getting some trim on the side, Kim Kardashian’s seismic birthing of the demon baby has been rough on Kanye West. He’s taking his jizz backup and turning it into daily idiotic tirades at radio stations and in concert. During his tour stop in Nashville, Kanye broke from his mediocre raps to bust out on Nike CEO Mark Parker for fucking up the Air Yeezy shoe line.

Did you not want the Yeezys? Nike would make you believe it was my fault that you couldn’t get them, but that was not the case. I wanted there to be as many Yeezys as there was LeBrons, and I wanted them to be at a good price, but that was not my choice, and we’re going to change everything. And … I’m going to create more than you think that any musician in the history of time ever could have.”

Kanye then accused Parker and Nike of ‘losing their culture’, which basically comes down to the fact they’re not paying Kanye royalties on his stupid looking shoes. And they’re not selling as well as the LeBrons. I’m sure Nike must’ve told Kanye at some point that’s because LeBron is the greatest basketball player in the world, while you rank 18th on BET’s list of hip hop artists, and, oh, by the way, people really don’t want to dunk like a singer.

Kanye wasn’t quite done with his philosophizing on people he sees as nearly his peers, like President Obama, who he said is having a tough go of it because black people aren’t connected like the Jews are. I guess he was comparing Obama’s administration difficulties to the great Jewish President nobody ever. Obama and Kanye, just two oppressed black men struggling to get by.