Mother of the year Kris Jenner says that Kanye West is a great baby daddy to her sex star daughter. In an interview on the gaynoxious Hello Ross show, Jenner described what a loving and wonderful person Kanye is. I’m not sure if she knows a different Kanye because the guy she’s talking about doesn’t sound like the egomaniacal butthole we all know and despise. Jenner says,
“I love him so much and he’s such an amazing boyfriend to Kim and a great dad and a wonderful person.”
Really? Reaaalllllyy? I sort of don’t believe any of that. Though I kind of believe that Kris Jenner believes it. Especially if she’s talking about his earning potential, which I always assume she is when talking about anybody, including her own children. At some point, Kanye will find Kris slithering into his bed late at night. I hope he handles it better than Lamar. Don’t plead, that only excites her.
Rapper Kanye West showed up to the Givenchy runway show at the Paris Fashion Week yesterday with his girlfriend and amateur porn star, Kim Kardashian, and a lot of people are saying that she looks great for having recently given birth to their daughter, North West. And those people are obviously just staring at her tits and nodding at whatever Kim’s PR people are trying to have published. What’s that, Kris Jenner? Kim is a size 2 despite looking like she’s still housing a Range Rover in her uterus? Sure, whatever, now back to those gigantic breasts.
Last night, Kanye West went on a caps lock-laced tirade on Twitter as he started a new feud with late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel over a bit that he did on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Basically, Jimmy used child actors to recreate Kanye’s recent interview with the BBC, in which he claimed that he tried to invent leather jogging pants like some sort of black Mugatu. During his rant, Kanye called Jimmy a “manipulative media mutherfucker” and told him that Sarah Silverman is a “thousand times funnier than you and the whole world knows it,” but the cherry on the dipshit sundae came when Kanye told Jimmy that he hasn’t “gotten too much good pussy” in his life.
Of course, it’s Jimmy Kimmel, so this whole thing is probably a prank on us, because otherwise Kanye might actually be a teenage girl pretending to be a grown man.
Kanye West clears up many mysteries in his interview with Britain’s BBC Radio 1, which admittedly he only met up with since he thought it stood for Big Black Cock. Kanye is first and foremost a romantic, so he starts by explaining the reason he fell so hard for Kim Kardashian:
She was in a powerful enough situation where she could love me without asking me for money, which is really hard for me to find.
That is rather sweet. It wasn’t about tits or ass or even her fame. It was Kim’s $50 million in the bank that made Kanye comfortable enough to bang her thrice daily in her slimy bits. With his dream of boning a baby into Kim Kardashian complete, Kanye West is looking for his next conquest, starting out his epic journey by declaring himself the biggest rock star in the world:
We culture. Rap is the new rock ‘n’ roll. We the rock stars…We the new rock stars and I’m the biggest of all of them. I’m the No. 1 rock star on the planet.”
You might think that Kanye’s inability to utilize verbs in his diction reveals some kind of flaw in his talents, you wrong:
I showed people that I understand how to make perfect. You know, [My Twisted] Dark Fantasy could be considered to be perfect. I know how to make perfect, but that’s not what I’m here to do. I’m here to crack the pavement and make new grounds sonically…and culturally.
Wow, sonically. Kanye goes boom. Yeezy goes on to compare his grand celebrity rise to a civil rights movement, breaking through all kinds of barriers, like convincing white suburban teens that listening to his music will make them cool. Or learning to say no to Kris Jenner when you wake up in the middle of the night to find her gobbling on your cock and lamenting about how she should’ve killed her latest husband instead of turning him into a girl. Being black Jesus ain’t easy, but Kanye seems determined to fight the good fight. Heroically. Sonically.
Kanye West hit back at Ray J in their continuing playground rivalry over who tagged Kim Kardashian first (well, first between the two of them, as neither of them were around when Kim was fourteen and first figuring out what it’d take to get a high school diploma the easy way). It all started when Ray J released a song called, (subtly), I Hit It First. referring to his having had carnal knowledge of Kimberly Kardashian’s soon to be expensive vagina before Kanye had the honor of doing so. Ray J also took Kim’s golden shower virginity and a girl only loses that once, twice if she works the Navy ports of call. So, Kanye dropped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and changed the lyrics to his song Bound 2 to the following:
“Brandy’s little sister lame and he know it now, when a real brother hold you down, you supposed to drown.”
He called Ray J Brandy’s little sister! Oh snap! Honestly, who gives a shit? What black athlete or rapper hasn’t fucked Kim Kardashian? The guy who played Urkel has probably hit that shit. The guy who stood-in for Urkel during camera blocking probably has experienced multiple orifice loving of the highest earning Kardashian. The only thing any of them are Bound 2 have is a a matching strain of HPV.
All the people who get upset over shit are really upset about Kanye West taking $3 million bucks to play the wedding of the grandson of the Royal Poobah of Kazakistan. I don’t think Kazakhstan was even a country on the last day I was ever in a school, but I’m guessing it’s located somewhere to the east of the I Don’t Give a Shit Mountains and just below the Middle of Fucking Nowhere Valley. And maybe the Great Leader of Kazakhstan likes to beat and torture people. But is he really any worse than half the people who attend Kanye concerts now? Is a dictator any worse than playing to the Kardashians? Meh, the Kardashians may not beat their opponents with truncheons in the streets, but would you rather take a stick to the face or three years of Khloe incessantly whining on Twitter? Precisely.