Kanye West Delusional

By Matt June 30, 2015 @ 6:22 AM

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Kanye West made some bold statements at a show people actually paid money for. The too high or not high enough patrons immediately regretted their decision to enter the Glastonbury Music Festival. You’re not twelve. West quoted himself as being the “Greatest living rock star on the planet” which is easy to do if you can’t play any instruments. David Bowie, Neil Young, Keith Richards, and a host of other dudes will never read this. The sad thing is the chick you met at the club would one hundred percent blow him. If you have the time it’s easy to be pretend eccentric and call yourself a genius. It worked.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kim And Kanye Spawning

By Matt June 23, 2015 @ 7:13 AM

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Kim Kardashian and her super not gay husband are having another child. The people who found the God Particle continue donating to Planned Parenthood. Kim has another eight months of being club hot and you can’t wash jizz out of your hair forever plus your ass hurts. Hopefully it will be a boy so Jaden Smith can introduce him to gender fluidity over gluten free latkas. I don’t know what fluidity means but neither to the people who say it. Why is there lube in your Christmas stocking? You see how chartered planes crash on the news all the time but it’s never like in a romantic comedy when you know the people. I can’t do the math but we’re fucked. At least Michael Jackson had the decency to wring out his sheets. I rarely pray but let there be a fucking earthquake.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kim And Kanye Ruin Disneyland And Shit Around The Web

By Jack June 16, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

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Human bowel polyps Kim Kardashian and Kanye West celebrated the birth of North West by taking over regions of Disneyland and making every other child in the Magical Kingdom suffer the wrath of their selfie and show hogging narcissism. I’m glad Walt is dead. I mean, just in general.

Watch the dreams of children die for this spoiled brat’s amusement. (Huffington Post)

Daniela Lopez Osorio is all greasy and bikinied. (Egotastic)

Xzibit pleads guilty to being to drunk to fuck…or drive on his wedding night. (TMZ)

Giselle Bundchen uses her ass to sell shoes. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Sarah Mutch and these are her tits. (Hollywood Tuna)

Gigi Hadid likes to pump her own gas in a see-through shirt. (Popoholic)

Ah, hot girls tugging their clothes down. What a glorious day. (The Chive)

Kim Kardashian Rents Out Staples Center

By Lex June 09, 2015 @ 10:14 AM

Kim Rents Out Staples Center For Kanye's Birthday
Kim Kardashian went deep pockets for Kanye West’s birthday, renting out Staple’s Center and organizing a basketball game for Kanye and friends Tyga and Justin Bieber and NBA stars John Wall and James Harden. John Legend sang the National Anthem because patriotism and paychecks go hand in hand. Kim smeared her labia majora across different surfaces of the arena creating a Dora the Explorer set of clues for Kanye to find his second birthday gift, her younger sisters to fuck. It’s not incest if you’re not blood. Check your bible. Duggar recommended verses.

The price tag to take over Staples is $110K which is an expensive birthday gift except in the event E! is paying for it out of production dollars. Previously the couple rented out AT&T Park for their engagement party and are taking over Disneyland for their daughter’s second birthday. You could see this as gross excess or just be happy these incorrigible whores won’t be ruining your kids Chuck E. Cheese party. It’s all about containment. Ebola is only a problem when it’s not isolated. Try not to step directly into the bloody stools. It’s not like the Lakers need the place.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Doctor Kanye And Shit Around The Web

By Jack May 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Kanye West received an honorary PhD from the Art Institute of Chicago which I’m pretty sure he created and funded a couple weeks ago just in time to give him an honorary degree. I’d laugh and say how this is hardly Harvard, but those fuckers will probably give him one too. Everybody wants a little taste of rap money endowments.

I bet Kanye starts calling himself doctor. (Huffington Post)

Caya Hefner has more underboob than most girls have regular boobs. (Egotastic)

Amy Schumer has quite the tramp stamp. Figures. (TMZ)

Alessandra Ambrosio wears a bikini just for you. (Drunken Stepfather)

Camilla Luddington hits the red carpet in basically a tube top. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicole Scherzinger shows some serious sideboob. (Popoholic)

These are some nerdy fangirls I’d like to plow. (The Chive)

Kanye Divorces

By Lex April 23, 2015 @ 9:10 AM

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Just 25-days ago America’s finest music makers were on a podium declaring the death of Spotify and Pandora and announcing the launch of Tidal, the true artist-fair music app. Kanye West, Madonna, that dude in the Mickey Mouse head, and Nicki Minaj got doe-eyed explaining how Tidal would cost only twice as much as its competitors so Madonna could afford a decent oneg shabbat spread for her Kabbalah cluster. That pretty much killed Tidal in the crib. Even Kanye’s hand upon Tidal couldn’t save that fucker. After a few downloads in the opening week, Tidal dropped off the bottom of the iPhone charts while Spotify and Pandora both had record signups thanks to a bunch of unlikable famous people talking shit about them. The enemy of my app is my friend. Displaying his unwavering loyalty, Kanye has removed the Tidal logo from his Twitter profile and retro-deleted every single Tweet he’d made about the service. Then he announced his won-loss record remains perfect. Memorial services for Tidal will be held later this week. Beyonce will sing a song she didn’t write and bitch about how she’s not getting songwriter royalties.

Photo credit: Getty Images