Kim And Kanye Most Liked In History

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 8:12 AM

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding photo got 2.4 million Likes on Instagram, the most of 2014 and the most ever for a photo on Instagram. To be fair it was a slow year. Scores of retarded teens and the unemployed had to wade through countless boring shots documenting many state’s first Gay Marriages, the discovery of the oldest Roman Temple on record, a bunch of stem cell stuff, some Higgs-Boson shit, a Super Bowl, a Kentucky Derby, a World Cup, some Women Priests, the Cool Pope, a Hawaiian Lava Flow, a Meteor Storm, a Total Lunar Eclipse, Immigration Reform, human rights protests in Mexico, people lighting themselves on fire in China, the fake Olympics in Russia, and a bunch of tranny attention getting shit James Franco did to make finally land on this photo of two assholes kissing each other  and seal it with their digital stamp of approval.

Close runners up were Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus. Go ahead and halt your Harvard research studies. We are a dumb nation whose dumbest among us spend lots of time on social media pretending it’s the real world and they’re important in it. If we could transmit a deadly electric shock to everybody who regularly updates their status on social media, the remaining living members of our country would be collectively smarter than the Taiwanese and the smart parts of South America, so just the first one really.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a ‘Betsy Wetsy’ type that can pee in Kim’s mouth. You know, realistic play is important.

I think I’m going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls. (TMZ)

Surprisingly, years of ass to mouth didn’t turn Sasha Grey into a feminist. (Huffington Post)

Helen Flanagan has some big ‘ol titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)

Caitlin O’Connor wears her bikinis at night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Angela Ruiz in lingerie is muy sexy, mang. (Popoholic)

Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan brings her own flotation devices to Malibu. (The Superficial)

Drake is harassing strippers for talking about how small his dick is. (Dlisted)

(Photo Via The Huffington Post)

Kanye West Hates The Handicapped And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 15, 2014 @ 12:39 PM

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Kanye West managed to piss off pretty much everyone when he yelled at two handicapped people in wheelchairs for not standing up at his show. I guess maybe he thought he could heal them with his asshole Yeezus power.

Watch Kanye be the second worse thing to happen to the handicapped. (Dlisted)

Eva Longoria is still pretty fucking hot in a bikini. (Popoholic)

Lisa Opie does downward facing dog and causes upward facing wiener. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicki Minaj uses a butt cushion to make her ass appear bigger. (The Superficial)

Urban Outfitters is in trouble for making fun of a forty year old shooting. (COED)

Martha Stewart hates on Gwyneth Paltrow because there can be only one crafty cunt. (Huffington Post)

Serena Williams’ ass makes me want to practice my stroke. (Drunken Stepfather)

Kanye’s Dad Was A Pap And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 29, 2014 @ 12:55 PM

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Loathsome douchenozzle Kanye West said in response to getting sued by a paparazzo that he can’t hate them because his dad used to be one. Also, he can’t hate people who die during liposuction because… well, never mind.

Read more of Kanye trying to pretend he’s cool with the paps. (Movie Pilot)

Coco’s ass cannot be contained by a g-string bikini. It must run free! (Dlisted)

Megan Fox throws like a girl. (Popoholic)

Sexy Olivia Munn wears a tight shirt to support her man at Lambeau Field. (Busted Coverage)

A swarm of bees attacked Blake Lively. They were pissed at her because of her stupid blog. (Huffington Post)

Beyonce’s dad says divorce rumors were just a publicity stunt to promote their crappy shows. (The Superficial)

Emma Stone and her stupid face show off some sexy cleavage. (Drunken Stepfather)

Kanye West Shows His Cards

By Matt August 28, 2014 @ 6:13 AM

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Kanye West became increasingly forthcoming during an ongoing deposition for a lawsuit with a paparazzi who accused West of assault. West was hostile during earlier depositions but when your expensive lawyers tell you to start acting contrite even the most ardent rebels tend to listen. West reversed his earlier stance on hatred for the paparazzi:

“My father was a paparazzo himself. My father was a medical illustrator, a Black Panther, a Christian marriage counselor… My mother was the first black chair of the English department in Chicago State. They didn’t raise me to be out here wrestling with random paparazzi in front of LAX… Sometimes I get in the car with the paparazzi. Paparazzi help me to park.”

Kanye’s dad had so many jobs. He sounds really hard working. No wonder Kanye has the drive to create so many mediocre rap albums. He’s living in the shadow of his father. That explains the frustration and anger toward the very people who help him to be famous and rich. His tear ducts probably leak like a broken faucet when the paparazzi help him park his Lamborghini. Fucking A, guys, you really are the best. I’m sorry I tried to put you in a headlock and punch you in the face. I carry lots of emotional baggage.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kanye West Photographically Lynched

By Matt August 07, 2014 @ 6:30 AM

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In a deposition for a civil case where he is accused of assaulting a paparazzi, Kanye West compared the plight of celebrities to that of blacks during the civil rights movement. West sees the paparazzi as an intrusive force who often show up too early when he alerts them of his whereabouts. He should be giving them credit for playing along with a vocal minority who pretend his wife is worth photographing. Of course West has to manufacture a conflict and calling out other rappers could occasionally get your ass shot. Better to pick on the pudgy Big Gulp sipping losers who help your bottom line by documenting your staged useless toiling. West’s deposition became offensively outlandish:

“I mean in the ’60s people used to hold up ‘Die Nigger’ signs when my parents were in the sit-ins also… Yes, 100 … I equate it to discrimination.  I equate it to inequalities… We, as group of minorities here in L.A., as celebrities have to ban together to influence guys like this.”

I’m sure Kanye’s parents also felt disenfranchised as they drove away in their llama fur covered Lamborghinis to bang their wealthy white women in Calabasas. You can only be so privileged and famous and covered in perfumed pussy before you’re not allowed to complain about even real problems, let alone shit you made up in your head because you have no real problems.

Photo Credit: Twitter