Kanye West was doing that thing he does where he tries really hard to be controversial on Saturday Night Live last weekend. He sang a couple of songs from his new album one of which is called New Slaves. It’s about how the prison system is like a new form of slavery. Hence the articulately titled New Slaves. It was shot mostly as a tight close-up of him with images of the Ku Klux Klan and whatnot projected behind him. Lots of white people are in the Klan it seems. I think my dentist is, and I’m positive the guy at the gym who always says they’re out of towels is a Lesser Grand Wizard. He’s Chinese, but best believe he’s keeping Kanye down too. I’m certain there’s a shitload of problems with the U.S. justice system and prisons. I’m equally as certain Kanye doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Putting poorly thought out notions to music doesn’t suddenly make them compelling. Now give me something I can tap my feet to and shut the fuck up.
Back in 2006, Kanye West declared that he should be featured in the Bible because he believed that he could tell stories in a way that would make kids want to learn about them, and because he had “changed the sound of music”. That same year, he also appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone wearing a crown of thorns. And yesterday, Kanye’s girlfriend Kim Kardashian posted a picture of his new album to Instagram and confirmed the long-running rumor that he had entitled it “Yeezus”.
All of this is fun to recap because just last Wednesday, Kanye performed at the Adult Swim upfronts and asked the crowd in one of his classic rants, “At what point did I become un-human where I had to turn myself back?” And I just hope that someone yelled back, “Are you fucking serious?”
If I’m Kanye West, I’m taking it as a supernatural sign that a bloody stigmata appears on my forehead while on a date with my bloated pregnant annoying lady girlfriend fuck buddy person. The Crown of Thorns wound appeared shortly after a ‘Wrong Way’ sign up and slapped the independently annoying rapper across his big fat head. How much more of an Amityville warning do you need, Kanye? Get the fuck out of the house.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Vogue editor Anna Wintour had famously banned Kim Kardashian from her annual Met Gala in previous years, but one of the perks of dating the world’s biggest rap star is that people tend to change their minds. So after Kim, Anna and Kanye West got together for lunch recently, it was pretty clear that Anna had lifted the ban for this year’s punk-themed event, which took place last night in New York City.
And while the rest of the stars that didn’t need special consideration showed up in outfits that adhered to the “PUNK: Chaos to Couture” theme (that naturally pissed off some in the punk world), Kim decided to dress as a set piece from the Golden Girls. In defense of the dress, it was designed by Kanye’s best friend, Riccardo Tisci of Givenchy, but Kim had it altered to feature sleeves because her stylist thought it made her arms look fat, according to The Daily Mail.
“Yes, her arms,” replied everyone with vision.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
It has been about six years since Kim Kardashian accepted $5 million from Vivid Entertainment for the release of her amateur porn that she recorded with then-unknown hip hop artist Ray J in 2003. So while Kim and now-unknown hip hop artist Ray J presumably haven’t slept together in a decade, the latter has released a new video for his single, “I Hit it First”, which is obviously directed at Kim’s current boyfriend and eventual third ex-husband Kanye West.
Ray J even hired a Kim lookalike for the new video, which would be cool if he’d produced it in 2004 and all of the lyrics were about football players. But this is just sad now. Even a guy waking up from a coma after 10 years is probably like, “Get over it, loser.”
Rapper Ray J is famous because he made a really boring sex tape with Kim Kardashian before anybody knew who she was, but while Kim went on to create a reality TV empire, Ray J is still just that dude who had sex with Kim Kardashian. Apparently that’s changing, though, because Ray J will soon star as the host of Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club All-Star Battle, and I wouldn’t have known that unless he Tweeted the above image for his new single “I Hit it First”.
The pixelated image is a callback to this picture of Kim, and the title is obviously a shot at her boyfriend and baby daddy, Kanye West. Some people have called this a bold marketing move by Ray J, but it’s been 6 years since he had sex with Kim and she’s been dating Kanye for as long as she’s been waiting to finalize her divorce from Kris Humphries. So call it what it is – some dude with a new TV show saying, “Hey everyone, look at me!”
In the good old days of rap, Ray J’s body would have been found in a dumpster 2 minutes after that picture hit the web, but knowing Kanye, he’ll probably respond by making his own sex tape with Kim during a concert for Obama at Madison Square Garden. Hell, I’d watch.