The Brits Don’t Want Kanye, Except They Do

By Lex March 20, 2015 @ 9:26 AM

Kanye-in-Concert-in-London

Some guy in Britain started a petition to kick Kanye off the headliners list at the Glastonbury Music Festival this summer. The petition gained traction because people in the media loves to hate Kanye while everybody else in the world pretty much loves to give Kanye money. Neil Londsale claimed Kanye simply didn’t represent what the Glastonbury festival is all about and also he doesn’t deserve headlining status.

Kanye West is an insult to music fans all over the world. We spend hundreds of pounds to attend glasto, and by doing so, expect a certain level of entertainment. Kanye has been very outspoken on his views on music….he should listen to his own advice and pass his headline slot on to someone deserving!

This dude later admitted he’s never been to the Glastonbury festival before, which would explain why he’s such a clueless tool who doesn’t understand outdoor music festivals like Glastonbury and Coachella and Bonnaroo. Or that the other Glastonbury headliner is currently Lionel Richie. These expensive outdoor festivals book whoever gets suburban white kids to pay $300 for tickets to see a show. That’s Kanye West. You don’t think overwrought rap music belongs at your precious arts fair? Too fucking bad. It’s what pays the bills. Also, Bono can’t ride a bike and Madonna’s still in vagina traction. Grow up and accept the fact that people like horrible shit. Visit a jazz club or a basement bar where the Beatles started. They’re probably playing Kanye too. This world is horrible. More petitions, stat!

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rush Limbaugh Knows Rap And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Rush Limbaugh suggested Kanye West make a platinum selling single out of the Oklahoma University SAE n-bomb rant since rappers drop the n-bomb all the time in their music. Nothing’s funnier than addressing a twenty-year running double standard and applying it to the rare case where it doesn’t hold.

It’s probably time for Rush to hang it up. (TMZ)

Charlie Riina showers in expensive fluids. (Egotastic)

Eva Mendes is officially a red hot MILF. (Huffington Post)

This is Natalie Gal and these are her titties. (Drunken Stepfather)

Candice Swanepoel wears jeans and not much else. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sarah Stephens in lingerie will make your wiener happy. (Popoholic)

Kim Kardashian Has Sex 500 Times a Day (VIDEO)

By Lex March 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

Kanye West Mounts Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian’s claim that she has sex with Kanye five hundred times a day seems exaggerated. It’s probably closer to fifty and only some of that is Kanye. That’s entire reason for the bakery Turn-O-Matic tickets at the entrance to Kim’s fuck cave. Plausible deniability. Also to stop vehicles from ramming.

Kim’s revelation comes in the latest promo for her sister-whores program which officially surpasses the nine year Iraq War as the longest pointless engagement in our nation’s history. Khloe makes a face like somebody stole her last four pastrami sandwiches and Kris tries to pretend she can voluntarily twitch her facial muscles. Not watching is not an option. Kim and Kanye just fucked seventeen times in the two minutes it took you to read this. This is what it’s like when doves cry.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Kanye Grieves Like No Other

By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 9:34 AM

Kanye Touches Kim Kardashians Butt In Pink Latex
Sometimes you peel back the layers on a guy you just assumed was an asshole and you’re able to confirm your suspicions. I’d recommend this for days when there’s nothing good on TV. Kanye West broke down in tears on BBC radio talking about the recent death of his fashion mentor, Louise Wilson, a professor at a London Art School who Kanye once looked up on Wikipedia:

Louise Wilson was the baddest professor of all time of any fashion school ever — notorious for not letting people stop at a 7 or 8 ever, pushing people to a 12.”

I guess they don’t use the traditional base-10 scoring system in fashion. I don’t really remember Kanye attending art school in London, but it’s possible it was located next to his favorite leather trousers store and he audited.

Kanye recalls their last meeting at a trendy restaurant in London when Professor Wilson gave him some solid advice for the nannies raising his daughter:

So many students, they don’t give it their all. And the problem is as soon as they do anything halfway good — when they are 2 years old, 3 years old — their parents clap.’ And she just looked at me and she said, ‘Kanye. Don’t clap.’”

Kanye, don’t clap. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kanye A Victim Of His Own Awesome

By Lex February 20, 2015 @ 12:51 PM

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Kanye’s Yeezy Badger Vagina Booties show didn’t go over so well at Fashion Week. This according to every person who willingly calls themselves a fashion expert without fear of being called undatable. Despite his best efforts to bring out a parade of pederastic treats in his Caligula inspired suede Adidas, all the snobs who matter turned their nose up at his cobbling work. This included the very chick who started Fashion Week who declared herself over Kanye. That’s like Michael Jordan coming to your high school game just to let you know you’ll never make it.

Kanye went onto to Twitter to defend his design prowess and to blame his lack of acceptance on being too awesomely famous for his groundbreaking music. This echoes the sentiment of Kendall Jenner who claimed to be unaccepted on the modeling side because of her TV fame and long list of Arabic import export sponsors. She dropped her last name in an effort to confuse people. Kanye already only goes by Kanye. Perhaps a mustache and a wig. Also, not producing crappy porn booties. And kissing ass. You’re not gay, you’re just weird. One more mountain to climb.

Guess Who Came To Dinner And Shit Around The Web

By Jack February 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Former enemies and fellow scalawags Taylor Swift and Kanye West met up for some dinner ahead of going into the studio to record a song together. It seems that the egomaniacs put that award show shit behind them in order to create one shitburger of a song. You can close your eyes, but you can’t make it go away.

Read all about this chode peace summit. (TMZ)

It’s colder than Santa’s dick here, but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)

Isabella Farrell is topless and naughty for P. (Egotastic)

Amber Rose dresses like a carnival slut. (Huffington Post)

Alessandra Ambrosio bikinis like a champ. (Drunken Stepfather)

Emmy Rossum’s cleavage can be seen from space. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicole Trunfio in lingerie? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)