Fuck you. Kim Kardashian wins again. Her simplistic mobile game designed for the multitude of morons in our midst is set to take in $200 million in revenue by year’s end. Kim’s take is estimated to be forty-percent of that. That’s Wall Street gangster money. In the game, mindless tools who found Farmville too complicated can now be Kim Kardashian, buying clothes, taking modeling gigs, and letting rappers bareback her for cash and popularity points.
In addition to her in-game audio commentary, she [Kim] provided a significant amount of creative feedback. She hand-selected the majority of the outfits, accessories, hairstyles, and other in-game items – and her deep involvement continues as we roll out updates and new content – from the aesthetics to new locations and features.
– Niccolo de Massi, CEO of Glu Mobile and dumbest luckiest person ever.
So about two hours of Kim suggesting, ‘how about she lets a famous black athlete finish on her tits and you get all your clothes that day for free’ earned Kim about $80 million. Ironically, the goal of the game is to buy, dress, fuck, and tan your way to become a Hollywood A-lister, an achievement that for all the money and crusty semen cheeks continues to elude Kim. But the pumpkin heads making in-game purchases in her app to become more popular like Kim could care less:
Being an A-list celebrity means you get more appearances, shoots and big opportunities such as being the face of a brand. This also means you get more money, which you can use to buy properties and new outfits that will help you level up, and gain more followers. I currently have over 50 million followers.
– Emy Sebagh, a top ranked Kardashian game player who doesn’t understand how people really see her
That’s wonderful, Emy. I’m sure your parents are wicked proud you turned down cosmetology school for the chance to blow their money achieving a dope ranking as a virtual Kim Kardashian whore. Personally, I’d body bag my own flesh and blood the minute I saw this app purchase on their iTunes account. But I’m a firm believer in eugenics. You get caught fucking a corpse, watching a Tyler Perry movie, or pretending to be Kim Kardashian and we remove your genitals and bury you deep inside Yucca Mountain. In four or five more generations the Kardashians will lose their natural audience.