By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 3:06 PM
Lamar Odom is not going away cheaply. Apparently he wants ten million in Kardashian bitcoin to walk away from Khloe Kardashian and the family and keep his mouth shut about all their behind the sausage factory gristle. He also wants his $875K engagement ring back from Khloe, mostly just because during one hour of sobriety last week he suddenly realized how fucking stupid that was. If Lamar doesn’t get his cash, he’s threatening to tell all about Kardashian family plastic surgeries, Kris Jenner’s sinister raising of her offspring, and, worst of all…
“Lamar is also prepared to destroy Khloe’s reputation by discussing their sex tape…” – a source to the National Enquirer
Holy mother of God, no, Lamar. Not the nuclear option. I’m willing to chip in a few bucks, we all should, to have that wildlife documentary burned and its ashes buried in a lead urn in the deepest reaches of the Mariana Trench. Imagine Khloe naked and rubbing cocoa butter on her toot bellowing for Lamar to fill her bucket. Then see if you don’t find five spare bucks in your pocket to stop this madness.
By Travis October 17, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
As Lamar Odom continues to try to keep his marriage with Khloe Kardashian together for the sake of the giant paychecks they receive from E! for their reality series, he also reportedly believes that there’s a snowball’s chance in Los Angeles that another NBA team would give him a shot again after he spent most of the last two months either smoking crack or denying it. But now TMZ reports that the always opportunistic and shamelessly exploitative Oprah Winfrey is trying to land a tell-all TV interview with Lamar with the hopes that her relationship with the Kardashians will earn his trust.
Know what else might earn his trust? A large check. Or just cut out at the middle man and tell him to look under his seat. What’s in that gift box, Oprah? “IT’S CRACK COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!”
Photo Credit: JP/JFXimages/WENN.com
By Lex October 16, 2013 @ 4:44 PM
No, that was not a 6.4 temblor, that was Khloe Kardashian putting her foot down. According to HollywoodLife.com, she’s demanded that Lamar Odom keep her informed of his whereabouts 24×7:
“They’re on speaking terms and Khloe knows where he is at all times. That’s one of the conditions she had to have because she’s too tired of worrying about where is he all the time. Lamar accepted that and understands that and he promised her he’d do that and has been for the past few weeks now.”
I think I’m missing the ‘or else’ part here. Or else you’ll never get to braid my ankle hair again while we watch the Oxygen channel? Was smoking crack and banging whores such a horrible existence that you’re willing to sell your independence for the chance to move back to Calabasas with the yeti? Lamar is seeking a job with the Lakers this week, so maybe he’s just figured out it’s best to put on a family, sober face. Still, those every five-minute check-ins with Khloe are going to get tiring but quickly, especially traveling NBA style on the road.
Lamar, you haven’t called in over seventeen minutes. Lamar? Check-in now! There better not be crack whores in your hotel room??? I’m eating your fucking iguana! Lamar????
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet
By Lex September 05, 2013 @ 2:21 PM
Kris Jenner and the Kardashian publicity team is spinning misinformation on Lamar Odom so fast the tabloids can’t even keep up. According to Kris Jenner, a.k.a. ‘anonymous source’, ‘friend of the couple’ or ‘knowledgeable insider with an ass that smells like Rhino cheese’, Lamar is a crack addicted whore monger who has stained the immaculate Wookie virgin known as Khloe. The goal of these leaks is to shape the story that Khloe is a victimized saint and Lamar is an out of control black pipe fiend. According to People magazine and their unnamed source, Lamar has given up the drugs to enter rehab. According to TMZ, Lamar has not checked into rehab but is merely still missing from his marital treehouse. Kris Jenner has both outlets on her secreted labia phone speed dial so hard to say which one she’s feeding her lies to today. For her part, a distempered Khloe has chewed through nearly two-thirds of the Teflon bars on her sleeping crate putting the entire Jurassic Park on a code yellow status.
By Lex August 30, 2013 @ 1:45 PM
He might’ve been drinking or doing some other shit too. In general, not a good idea to be driving on the freeway under the speed limit in the middle of the night. Not when the Kardashians own that stretch of the 101 around Calabasas, their loyal deputies spread out across the byways to ensure nobody leaves, not alive. Lamar had his chance to run, he got weak. Now he’s done. There’s no basketball in his future. just Khloe’s big paw pressed over his nose and mouth sending Lamar to the same happy place she the kitty she accidentally sat on in the third grade.
By Lex August 29, 2013 @ 3:35 AM
You know what racism is? It’s not Paula Deen dropping an N-bomb once back in the 80′s after being assaulted. It’s people spreading rumors about a black ballplayer being a sex-crazed crack addict and tabloids repeating that shit just fits a believable stereotype. When Kris Jenner calls you from the offices of a divorce attorney to tell you that Khloe is a saint and Lamar is a drug addicted whore monger you might want to think about asking for a second source beyond Kris yelling into the phone, ‘because my big fat cock told you so!’. But the tabloids don’t give a shit, they just want a headline. Black dude smoking crack while Chewy Mother Theresa tries to save his soul certainly does the trick.
I’m trying so fucking hard not to feel bad for Lamar Odom, because he probably is a jackass and maybe getting high as fuck and he was dumb enough to get involved with the so obviously wrong people. He was a top flight NBA baller. He could have had any big ass white girl he wanted. Now, the Kardashians are going to chew him the fuck up and spit him out like the ruthless cattle barons of an old Western town dealing with a nosy outsider. At some level, he deserves this horrible life lesson.
Here’s the latest, it’s not crack now or crack and Oxy, it’s cocaine, an anonymous insider tells Us Weekly. Fuck you, anonymous insider. Why the hell are you anonymous?