Bitch Set Me Up

By Lex May 15, 2014 @ 4:47 PM

Khloe-and-Lamar-Charity-Scandal

The only thing worse than a Kardashian wife is a Kardashian ex-wife. Just ask dead Robert Kardashian or Kris Humphreys or Lamar Odom or some guy who beat Kim Kardashian for a couple weeks in Vegas. According to sources both anonymous and unreliable, Khloe invited Lamar out to a Hollywood nightclub and when he arrived, he found her with her new boyfriend, French Montana, who I’m still pretty sure is a t-girl porn star. Not only was her new black cocksman present, but so were E! cameras which tried to frame Lamar as being the jealous ex-husband who showed up out of the blue to harass Khloe:

She totally set him up and he is livid. She wanted it to look like he was stalking her on camera.

By livid, I assume somebody slowly explained to Lamar what had just happened, causing him to hit the pipe and bang eleven whores at the nearest Holiday Inn Express. Still, it was a pretty shitty thing to do to the man you once told the world every single day for three years straight was your life’s inspiration and first man who didn’t let an ‘eww’ slip when he saw you naked.

Following the staged run in, Khloe Tweeted the pain she felt from running into Lamar:

Still hurts… Maybe it always will.

Nothing truly hurts like sticking a knife in a man’s back. Your hand gets all sore and your palm can chafe if you’re not holding the grip properly as you drive the blade into the vital organs. Bitch.

Lamar Odom Ditches the Yeti for Spain

By Lex February 20, 2014 @ 6:03 PM

Lamar Odom After Signing With Laboral Kutxa Basketball Team In Spain
Lamar Odom credits Bruce Jenner with pushing him to go play basketball in Spain. He doesn’t give any credit to a recent EU report that shows Spain is one of top drug use and transit areas in all of Europe for smokable cocaine. I bet if he were being honest, he’d re-jigger those credit percentages. Lamar says that in addition to receiving advise and support from Bruce Jenner’s former Adam’s Apple which speaks to him when he’s really fucking high, he’s also in text contact with Kris Jenner and even his soon to be ex-wife, Khloe. But mostly he’s just happy to be fucking Spanish whores who won’t bitch at him about making black babies and memorizing stories for their reality show. Lamar looks good. If I were him I’d maintain a 5,000 mile perimeter outside Calabasas. You might live to see 40.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lamar Odom Will Dance With Bruce Jenner When He’s a Woman

By Jack January 24, 2014 @ 2:47 PM

Though officially thrown out of the Asgard that is the Kardashian compound, Lamar Odom is reportedly still in contact with former in-law Bruce Jenner. Lamar has told Bruce that he’s okie-dokie with the former Olympic gold medalist’s desire to become a chick. Khloe Kardashian’s ex thinks that Bruce Jenner should be allowed to shave down his Adam’s apple, get pig tails, and start taking in Khloe’s dresses to fit his Kiss of the Spider Woman physique if he so desires. This is America, God damn it! If grandpa wants to turn from a plasticine mutant male and into the world’s fuggliest female he should be allowed to do so. A source close to Odom says,

“Lamar encourages Bruce to stay true to whoever he is and or wants to be. He did tell him that living with that family and being with Kris [Jenner] was all about perfection and how surgery is a normal thing in her eyes.”

Lest you think Bruce is on the precipice ready to slice off his shlong, the Kardashian P.R. team is still pushing the dad is still a dad line:

“Bruce is a total dude, all he talks about are cars and motorcycles and sports. He still wears tracks suits and Adidas sneakers.”

That certainly sounds total dude. Whenever I see somebody in track suits and Adidas sneakers, I think to myself, there walks a man among twinks. Naturally no women or transgender male could possibly be interested in sports or motorcycles. They are consumed 24×7 with hormone shots and ridding themselves of unwanted facial hair. It sure sounds like Bruce is about ready to go bang a hundred skanky chicks like a rapey Roman gladiator. I’m sure Lamar would be cool with that too since he’s been doing the same since he left Khloe and his nut jar re-grew to normal size.

Khloe Kardashian Files For Divorce

By Lex December 13, 2013 @ 3:38 PM

Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom Attend The 19th Annual Race To Erase MS In Los Angeles

I know what you’re thinking. What now for the stomach cancer charity that donated no money to stomach cancer? Exactly. This divorce is going to have ramifications well past the special Keeping Up With the Kardashians episode where Khloe cries and coins gush out of Kris Jenner’s vagina as she imagines the ratings boom. Khloe filed for divorce today, citing irreconcilable differences. Among those differences was Lamar preferring crack and skinny street whores to the loss of sensation in his legs each night Khloe rolled around on top of him screeching like the world’s largest parrot about being a pretty girl. It’s always the little things that go unspoken that kill a marriage. The divorce is expected to go about as smoothly as any financial proceedings involving remarkably greedy, self-interested, bastards can.

Lamar Odom Gets Three Years Probation

By Jack December 09, 2013 @ 4:21 PM

Lamar Odom got slapped with three years probation after he plead no contest to a DUI. Odom’s been in trouble with the law before, and a notorious crack-whore delighter, but given that he had to spend four years having sex with Khloe Kardashian, the court kind of took mercy on his soul. In true celebrity justice form, Odom was also sentenced to three month alcohol education, where he will learn such things as how to mix a proper martini and how many gallons of hooch it will take until he forever forgets what Khloe’s furry snatchball looked like in those crotchless panties she wore for their first-hand job anniversary. Remember when coach told you to just focus on basketball? Why didn’t you listen?

Lamar Odom Wants $10 Million to Keep the Kardashian Family Secrets

By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 3:06 PM

Lamar Odom is not going away cheaply. Apparently he wants ten million in Kardashian bitcoin to walk away from Khloe Kardashian and the family and keep his mouth shut about all their behind the sausage factory gristle. He also wants his $875K engagement ring back from Khloe, mostly just because during one hour of sobriety last week he suddenly realized how fucking stupid that was. If Lamar doesn’t get his cash, he’s threatening to tell all about Kardashian family plastic surgeries, Kris Jenner’s sinister raising of her offspring, and, worst of all…

“Lamar is also prepared to destroy Khloe’s reputation by discussing their sex tape…”  – a source to the National Enquirer

Holy mother of God, no, Lamar. Not the nuclear option. I’m willing to chip in a few bucks, we all should, to have that wildlife documentary burned and its ashes buried in a lead urn in the deepest reaches of the Mariana Trench. Imagine Khloe naked and rubbing cocoa butter on her toot bellowing for Lamar to fill her bucket. Then see if you don’t find five spare bucks in your pocket to stop this madness.